Relationship not prioritized

[martinjj12]

This might be a long post, but the backstory is needed.

 

So I'm currently in a relationship with a girl whom I met whilst studying, we went in the same class for 3 years and ended up dating loosely since last autumn. Things went great at that time, we would see eachother 2-3 times a week and we both enjoyed eachothers' company. Now, as time has passed, a lot of things have happened. She just moved out of her parents' house to live with some of her friends, whilst working to pay the rent etc. So she's quite busy working which I can understand and actually fine with.

 

But there's also some family issues she has going on which has taken a lot of her energy, so the past couple of months I've just tried being there for her no matter how irritated, mad or sad she's been. There's been a couple of episodes where she's been really degrading and mean to me without any reason, sometimes she would just sit quietly and then suddenly just criticize me with no reason whatsoever. Now bear in mind that I always drop everything in my hands when she needs me, and I've been nothing but supportive to her.

 

These kinds of comments have begun to come more recently and more often. Which annoys me quite a lot because she doesn't seem to be making time for me in her busy schedule in the first place. The last couple of weeks we've seen eachother 1 time per week, and last week we planned to have a day just for us, so we could have a whole day together. I picked her up the night before the planned day because she was at a party, she was way too drunk and sick, so I just drove home and put her to sleep. The day after she was absolutely hungover and I tried helping her however I could but everytime I didn't do something she needed me to she snapped at me. In this particular moment I simply told her to calm down since it wasnt my fault that she was feeling ill. She then told me that it was unfair for me to snap back at her, since she's the one who's feeling bad. And in these cases I'm usually the one who ends up apologizing.

 

It would be nice if she would prioritize the little time we have together, and that she atleast would be the nice, smiling and lovely girl that I first fell in love with back then, when we are together, which isn't often as I've mentioned. She's mad and irritated most of the time we're together, and I really feel like I'm being too nice. I know that she has some personal issues which is why I'm letting these things go by, because I want her to know that I'll be there for her. But my patience is running really low. I love her, and she says she loves me, but she doesn't show it a whole lot. Her friends (friends she barely knows or sees) are a bigger priority than me, during our relatively short relationship, she's said twice that we couldn't see eachother for some time (mostly 4 weeks) because she's busy..

 

I don't know whether I'm being needy or too nice, but I would really like to know whether I should talk to her about it, or just hope that it'll get better?

[DanZee]

Something is eating at her and she's trying to push you away. It might be that she's trying to decide whether to break up with you or not. Things have changed. Her life has changed. She's hanging out with new friends, going to parties, working at a new job. You just might not be fitting into this new world of hers.

 

You said that you were casually dating last summer and sort of just fell together. You have to wonder if you just don't fit into her world anymore. She likes you. She cares about you. But she has no time for you. She's just not into you enough.

 

I wouldn't have a big, messy breakup with her. I would just sort of fade into the distance where you would hear from her less and less. Look around and try to date other people. Enjoy your own life and see where that leads. She just may wind up as a friend and not as a girlfriend.

[martinjj12]

Didn't think it was that bad.

 

We've talked a lot about feelings, relationships etc. And our relationship is the only one that she's had, which she believes in. She says that I'm the only guy she ever really loved, her past relationships haven't been based on feelings, but rather the physical part. It's funny because she has been the first to say "I love you" etc, even though I've wanted to say that for a long time, but at the time I wanted to know that our relationship isn't only physical. But she's verified on several occasions that I'm the best thing that have happened to her in a long time, which is why I'm doubtful that she's considering to break up, also because this has been intensified the past couple of months.

 

But I guess that we'll just drift apart eventually if she doesn't believe that I'm a part of her new world.

 

Thank you so much for your answer.