Atuneasea Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 It's 3am... I have a date tomorrow evening with at the home of a guy I have 0 interest/attraction to. I don't know what I was thinking to have done this. I guess I was desperate and thought feelings would grow. Now I'm realizing there's nothing there. I had one date this guy, decided I was not interested but just sort of stopped responding Last week I was feeling sort of lonely, so I texted him out of the blue. I started flirting with him saying I'm feeling like exploring Sexually with Him and be my FwB and asked him if I can come over then backed out and said how about next week. I've sent him a couple sexy pics(not nudes but lingerie) He said sure, he can make me my favorite food. We planned sunday(tomorrow)He has been texting me all week and also asked if I wanna see a movie with him really early in the day. I've been distant with my texts and have evaded his question about if the movie time is good, but time is running out. He said he's getting his brother who lives with him to leave the house to give us some privacy. Hs worked longer 2 previous nights to get Saturday off early to go grocery shopping for our meal. He's been up preparing the meal. He said he's so excited about tomorrow. He keep texting. He also said he has purchased a surprise for me. I said nothing, did not stop him I dont know what to do now... I feel trapped, like I have to go and I made it sound like I was up for sex maybe I was hypothetically but not for real and definitely not now. I have decided no more trying to force attraction even if I'm desperate. I've learned from this , do I have to pay the price and go tomorrow? And should I tell him when I get there let's just be friend? He might try to kiss me, god that will be awful. I am also considering just ghosting that will be the least awkward way for me because it's sweeping it under the rug and I don't have to deal with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Last week I was feeling sort of lonely, so I texted him out of the blue. I started flirting with him saying I'm feeling like exploring Sexually with Him and be my FwB and asked him if I can come over then backed out and said how about next week. I've sent him a couple sexy pics(not nudes but lingerie) He said sure, he can make me my favorite food. We planned sunday(tomorrow)He has been texting me all week and also asked if I wanna see a movie with him really early in the day. I've been distant with my texts and have evaded his question about if the movie time is good, but time is running out. He said he's so excited about tomorrow. He keep texting. He also said he has purchased a surprise for me. I said nothing, did not stop him I dont know what to do now... I don't mean for this to come across as harsh, but you are playing a dangerous game. In plain words: You are a tease. ALL of this is of YOUR own making. You brought this all on yourself - you mess with the guys feelings, you're messing him around and do nothing to stop it when you already KNOW you changed your mind, you simply let him carry on with the plans and lead him on. Now you have the gall to simply ghost him?? If you don't intend going ahead then at least be honest with the guy. All it takes is one phone call or one text, apologize and tell him you have changed your mind. Simple common courtesy is all it takes. And in future don't mess people around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeetsun Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 It's 3am... I have a date tomorrow evening with at the home of a guy I have 0 interest/attraction to. I don't know what I was thinking to have done this. I guess I was desperate and thought feelings would grow. Now I'm realizing there's nothing there. I had one date this guy, decided I was not interested but just sort of stopped responding Last week I was feeling sort of lonely, so I texted him out of the blue. I started flirting with him saying I'm feeling like exploring Sexually with Him and be my FwB and asked him if I can come over then backed out and said how about next week. I've sent him a couple sexy pics(not nudes but lingerie) He said sure, he can make me my favorite food. We planned sunday(tomorrow)He has been texting me all week and also asked if I wanna see a movie with him really early in the day. I've been distant with my texts and have evaded his question about if the movie time is good, but time is running out. He said he's getting his brother who lives with him to leave the house to give us some privacy. Hs worked longer 2 previous nights to get Saturday off early to go grocery shopping for our meal. He's been up preparing the meal. He said he's so excited about tomorrow. He keep texting. He also said he has purchased a surprise for me. I said nothing, did not stop him I dont know what to do now... I feel trapped, like I have to go and I made it sound like I was up for sex maybe I was hypothetically but not for real and definitely not now. I have decided no more trying to force attraction even if I'm desperate. I've learned from this , do I have to pay the price and go tomorrow? And should I tell him when I get there let's just be friend? He might try to kiss me, god that will be awful. I am also considering just ghosting that will be the least awkward way for me because it's sweeping it under the rug and I don't have to deal with it. That's a **** move. Because you're lonely, you hit the guy up for some validation through text and then lead him on and get his hopes up knowing that you didn't want to pursue anything to begin with as you stated you had 0 interest. You can ghost after you tell him you ****** up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 OP, this is a very unkind and selfish move on your part. Do not use people to soother your ego or make you feel sexy. That's plain wrong. This guy is now all excited for this date, and you're thinking of ghosting? No. You were adult enough to go fishing for compliments and use him for attention; be adult enough to simply tell him you are sorry but it's not going to work. In short, grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sara-pezzini Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 How would you feel if someone did this to you? This is awful, playing with someone else's feelings.... terrible... You have to go tomorrow cause you made your own bed, now lie in it..... I feel so bad for this guy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You owe him -ethically -a phone call to cancel - and tell him that you don't plan on rescheduling. Had you not led him on and if he wasn't so interested in being your sex partner and possibly more then I'd say an "I have a stomach bug" would be fine and hope that he doesn't ask you out again - but at this point, simply say that on reflection you realized it wasn't going to work. Also fine to tell him that you've been contacted by an ex and you're thinking of getting back together - same message- it's over with him - and it's ok if he has to read between the lines a bit as long as he knows not to ask you out again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfshook Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 W t f is wrong with this world? Simple "sorry but I'm not interested" goes a long way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 This is terrible. Echoing what others have said - you're a tease. Also, it blows my mind that people send sexy pictures after just a few dates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You feel trapped? I don't get it. You can't say no? You can't say you made a foolish mistake and to a man you were selfishly seeking attention from in the moment. Do the right thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sara-pezzini Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Is this the same guy from your thread yesterday? The one who was the bare minimum in looks but your super horny? That too was really offensive to me.... bare minimum in looks..... wow just wow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rust Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 That's horrible. Playing with his feelings, making him think he has a chance let him off the hook so he can start looking for someone better suited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You are a tease. You have a lot of nerve leading this poor guy on. He's gone overboard getting a day off, going grocery shopping, getting rid of his roomie etc. and you can be darn sure he's looking to get laid. How dare you trick him like that? If you dont phone him to cancel and apologize for leading him on, at least take the chicken's way out and text him that you are sorry. Now, grow up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atuneasea Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 Why are people shaming me, , I said how much I regret what I did and how bad I feel, I have learned my lesson in my post, that's uneccessary The advice was mixed but I didn't get it in time so I had to take matters into my own hands but according to these replies I did the right thing. He wrote me: " I'm going to go lay down and get some rest. Hopefully you do too I wrote him sorry for the late notice ... I have been thinking about this and I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think we're a fit and I respect you so I don't want to waste anymore of your time. I'm sorry. Good luck He said: What made you come to that conclusion? I thought everything was fine, so I'm a little confused. I wrote him: I'm don't think I am looking for anything serious right now and feel a lot of pressure, I'm sorry H: Hey, it's alright. I never meant to make you feel pressured into anything. Most of all a relationship. Like I said a while back, some people like to just jump right into, but that's not me. A little while passed he said: I'm not looking for a serious relationship either, so I'd still like to be friends if that's cool. If not you won't hurt my feelings I said: I'm sorry for being annoying but I really just wasn't sure. Thank you for understanding...again, very sorry That was the end of our convo and he never replied. I admit I feel so guilty and these replies made me feel more guilty. I Think I regret my decision now. Maybe I should have went and gave it a shot but he probably expected sex and I couldn't .. I'm not attracted to him. I'm not sure if I regret the decision or the attention he gave me because I feel lonely now. Maybe i should go back and say yes to being friends. Maybe i should tell him I regret it. I don't know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mustlovedogs Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 You need to stop and leave this poor guy alone. It would be one thing if you were going on a date as a why not and then, after thinking, you decided to pull back. In this case, you intentionally manipulated him. You're trying to force him to be a FWB, you're not attracted to him, you're sending him sexy pictures - you consciously did a lot of manipulating to try and get something you thought you wanted. I'm being harsh because you need to learn. This is not healthy acceptable behavior and you need to do some introspection to understand why you chose to act like this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atuneasea Posted August 6, 2017 Author Share Posted August 6, 2017 That's true. I will leave him alone. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pleasedonot5 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 There is nothing you are being forced to do. You are not a prisoner of your guilt or your conscience. Do not go over there, as it sounds like you are dreading it. In the future, don't let your loneliness lower your standards. It might seem like you are on a dry spell or that you NEED someone, but that hurdle lasts a several weeks at most - enough time to possibly find someone to whom you are attracted. P.S. god, I get that people don't like what the OP is doing, but cut the girl some slack. All you have to say is that she is doing something wrong - not judge or attack. You don't know what she's going through, so let he/she who hath not sinned cast the first stone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I agree with others as to how wrong this is. However I can't wrap my head around the fact that you have no fear of agreeing to have sex with a guy at his home, whom you've been on one date with. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I agree with what everyone else has said but I want to ask you, OP... You don't even know this guy so you're basing your non-attraction on looks alone? Why not just go since he's put so much effort in and explain to him that you made a mistake about the FWB thing, that you've realized that its not something you want to do but you're still willing to have the date he planned since he's gone through so much trouble. Tell him sex will not be an option. If he still wants to go ahead then, check it out... attraction can grow on you and it's not all about looks. You had one date, how can you possibly rule him out unless he's just a jerk personality wise? You can always just tell him afterwards that there just isn't a connection for you if that is your final decision. (edited as I mis-read Op) Anyway... I hope you've learned a lesson. Leading a guy on and being so insecure that you can't even communicate honestly tells me you're not ready to be dating anyone... even a guy you are attracted to physically. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Why are people shaming me, , I said how much I regret what I did and how bad I feel, I have learned my lesson in my post, that's uneccessary The advice was mixed but I didn't get it in time so I had to take matters into my own hands but according to these replies I did the right thing. He wrote me: " I'm going to go lay down and get some rest. Hopefully you do too I wrote him sorry for the late notice ... I have been thinking about this and I don't think it's a good idea. I don't think we're a fit and I respect you so I don't want to waste anymore of your time. I'm sorry. Good luck He said: What made you come to that conclusion? I thought everything was fine, so I'm a little confused. I wrote him: I'm don't think I am looking for anything serious right now and feel a lot of pressure, I'm sorry H: Hey, it's alright. I never meant to make you feel pressured into anything. Most of all a relationship. Like I said a while back, some people like to just jump right into, but that's not me. A little while passed he said: I'm not looking for a serious relationship either, so I'd still like to be friends if that's cool. If not you won't hurt my feelings I said: I'm sorry for being annoying but I really just wasn't sure. Thank you for understanding...again, very sorry That was the end of our convo and he never replied. I admit I feel so guilty and these replies made me feel more guilty. I Think I regret my decision now. Maybe I should have went and gave it a shot but he probably expected sex and I couldn't .. I'm not attracted to him. I'm not sure if I regret the decision or the attention he gave me because I feel lonely now. Maybe i should go back and say yes to being friends. Maybe i should tell him I regret it. I don't know You made a mistake, and did your best to undo it. Ultimately you did the right thing. Don't feel guilty, just learn from it. Many people just can't resist an opportunity to wag their finger and go tsk tsk. We all f up. Don't fret about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honeycomb8 Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 Work on your self esteem. Your current confidence level is shockingly low. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrComplicated Posted August 7, 2017 Share Posted August 7, 2017 I only read up to it's 3am, you have a date tomorrow evening with a guy you have 0 interest in. My advice - Call it off? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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