I left him but I feel closer to him now.

[nikm]

I've been dating someone for 2 years, and recently found out he was seeing someone else. We started out non-monogomous, but after a few months went monogomous Recently I was contacted by the woman he stopped seeing back then because they starting dating again and he did not tell me. He and I were away together when I found out. I left him, literally, left him there. I'm still so angry. We've started communicating by text again. And are planning to get together soon to talk.

 

I know its "normal" to have some fantasies about someone you've become so close with, and the whole "absence makes the heart grow fonder" but I am having really intense sexual fantasies about him bringing me real pleasure. I've never experienced this before. In the fantasies I'm saying things I never thought about saying to him. And it feels so good, and feels like I'm still so close to him, and relieves the sadness of not physically being with him. I'm not sure what to do with these feelings. Do I just give myself time? Do I tell him how I'm feeling? I don't know if I can trust him again.

[ThatwasThen]

You can't trust him again. He's been living a lie with you for two years for goodness sakes. He's still with the other woman and you're actually going to talk to him again? Was your anger just a show of drama that you thought would somehow win him back to you monogamously?

 

Your 'fantasies' are doing nothing to help you overcome your addiction to him. Change the subject that is him, learn to find pleasure in life achievements and hobbies and fun with friends instead of helping yourself cling to some lying cheater who has been carrying on poly when he promised you he'd be mono.

 

You won't do it but you should actually cancel the meeting, start cold turkey withdrawl from him with zero contact and changing your thoughts of him to something else. Doing that will help you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him which should be your goal since he's a cheating liar... hardly a good lifemate that you should be confessing your mis-placed feelings to.

[Hollyj]

What is there to talk about? He deceived you.

 

Can't you do better than this cheating jerk! Value yourself!

[nikm]

You can't trust him again. He's been living a lie with you for two years for goodness sakes. He's still with the other woman and you're actually going to talk to him again? Was your anger just a show of drama that you thought would somehow win him back to you monogamously?

 

Your 'fantasies' are doing nothing to help you overcome your addiction to him. Change the subject that is him, learn to find pleasure in life achievements and hobbies and fun with friends instead of helping yourself cling to some lying cheater who has been carrying on poly when he promised you he'd be mono.

 

You won't do it but you should actually cancel the meeting, start cold turkey withdrawl from him with zero contact and changing your thoughts of him to something else. Doing that will help you to get to the blissful stage of indifference to him which should be your goal since he's a cheating liar... hardly a good lifemate that you should be confessing your mis-placed feelings to.

 

It wasn't drama. My initial anger and first instincts were right. Your reply helped me remember that. Now that the anger is wearing off, I'm dealing with the hurt. So I just canceled the meeting. I'm just gonna have to feel the pain and move through it. The fantasies are just that, fantasies.

[ThatwasThen]

It wasn't drama. My initial anger and first instincts were right. Your reply helped me remember that. Now that the anger is wearing off, I'm dealing with the hurt. So I just canceled the meeting. I'm just gonna have to feel the pain and move through it. The fantasies are just that, fantasies.

 

Its good to hear you cancelled, nikm. Don't let him hoover you back in. Block and delete if you need to in order to keep strong and keep gone.