Heartbroken94 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Hi. This is my first time writing. But im at such a loss i dont know who else to turn to. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 years on and off. We've just booked out first holiday. Over the years there has been cheating on his part, which took a year apart for me to forgive. Then all of a sudden just as we were finally on track, happier then we'd ever been. He started being shifty and popping out to the car and not returning for half and hour. When quizzed as to what he was up to he always had what seemed a legit excuse. Until about 3 weeks if this shifty disappearing act. On my birthday night out together, he sat down and there was a pouch of drugs behind him on the seat with his money that had fallen out of his pocket. I snatched them and lost the plot. I flushed them away. He told me he was in debt and was selling them to get money to make sure i had a nice birthday. The next day i broke my heart told him what if this was too much i was having to lie for him and to deal with this all on my own. So i set about laying down the rules, it stopped. He had no more contact with his friend he got them from. Any slight thing and id be gone. Sorted his debts out arranged payment plans. He has his location services turned on so i can see where he is at all times. But lately im nothing but angry towards him. I love him with everything i am, but im dealing with this alone. Completely alone and by anyones standards im not coping at all. Ive got no friends or family to confide in because they'd all judge him. I just cant get rid of the uncontrollable anger that erupts from me over the slightest thing. I just dont know what to do. I feel like im pushing him completely away when that is the last thing i want or need but i cant control my anger. I lash out. Then uncontrollably sob. He says i can talk to him, but of course i can't how can i? I dont even know how im feeling. I guess in a sense im supressing it all and then when one slight thing makes me mad it all comes out. His family are picking up on how angry i am and i cant exactly explain why, i just keep brushing it off. Ive supressed how i feel for about 2 months now, to the point i dont know how i feel. What can i do? Im sobbing writing this after another uncontrollable outburst. Ending it isnt an option. This is the man i love and want to marry and have children with. I need help but would feel daft going to a gp and saying "im angry all the time". Please any advice id be grateful. Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.