Lucha Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Im a woman dating another woman, we met at work but I don't work in that office anymore. I have this question that may appear a little immature. The thing is, I am an all round animal lover. I love animals, big or small, especially my own pet (cat). My idea of ultimate happiness is a house full of feline life. Cats on the table, in the bed, doesnt matter. I love everything about them. The woman I am dating however, did not grew up with pets and doesnt love them. In fact she stated once she hates cats. Afterwards she changed her opinion to "i dont hate them, i can tolerate them but they cannot get on the table, it's non hygienic, etc". I invited her over to my place once and she actually did a backward salto (throwing my cat in the air) with my ten pound cat.twice. I was in shock. I communicated to her I didnt like her behaviour with my pet and she stated she will not do it again. But then I saw her with other cats on the street, she scares them, she runs after them,... it makes my heart sink. What is your opinion on this? Can a non-animal loving person become one? Should I date other people? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Anyone throwing my cat gets thrown off my front steps. Period. No she won't become an animal lover she abused your cat . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Unfortunately, yes you do need to find someone else. That is a serious and fundamental incompatibility that isn't going to change. Carrying on with her will just lead to major conflict and mutual resentments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DanZee Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I don't find it immature either. Loving pets teaches you how to love people better. I would be suspicious of anyone who said they hated pets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Total dealbreaker for me. I love animals, especially cats, and if someone said, "I don't hate cats, but..." and then gave me a bunch of rules about them, that would be a big "nope" for me, relationship-wise. Cats climb on things -- it's what they do -- and even if you can stop them from doing it while you're home, they WILL do it while you're away. In a perfect world, my cats wouldn't walk all over the kitchen counter and dining room table, but the fact is, they do, and I just clean those surfaces regularly, particularly any surface that comes in contact with food. So, no, I don't think you're being immature, and in fact....I think your new girlfriend has some serious issues. I get that not everyone loves cats -- that's not my issue. The issue is that she actively dislikes them, despite the fact that she says she doesn't "hate" them. She "scares" cats on the street? Throws your cat in the air? (I'm not sure if I read that right). I wouldn't be able to tolerate her -- not even as a friend, let alone a relationship partner. It's just not cool to chase animals and scare them -- unless they're attacking you. I would ask what she's like aside from this, but...honestly, it wouldn't matter to me. This is a giant red flag, in my opinion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Anyone throwing my cat gets thrown off my front steps. Period. No she won't become an animal lover she abused your cat . Exactly. I'd be willing to wager that this woman's aggression toward cats isn't just having "fun" with them. Who throws a cat in the air for fun? It would terrify the cat! There's something really, really off about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Total dealbreaker for me. I love animals, especially cats, and if someone said, "I don't hate cats, but..." and then gave me a bunch of rules about them, that would be a big "nope" for me, relationship-wise. Cats climb on things -- it's what they do -- and even if you can stop them from doing it while you're home, they WILL do it while you're away. In a perfect world, my cats wouldn't walk all over the kitchen counter and dining room table, but the fact is, they do, and I just clean those surfaces regularly, particularly any surface that comes in contact with food. So, no, I don't think you're being immature, and in fact....I think your new girlfriend has some serious issues. I get that not everyone loves cats -- that's not my issue. The issue is that she actively dislikes them, despite the fact that she says she doesn't "hate" them. She "scares" cats on the street? Throws your cat in the air? (I'm not sure if I read that right). I wouldn't be able to tolerate her -- not even as a friend, let alone a relationship partner. It's just not cool to chase animals and scare them -- unless they're attacking you. I would ask what she's like aside from this, but...honestly, it wouldn't matter to me. This is a giant red flag, in my opinion. A thousand times, yes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 I asked her why she did it, throwing my cat backwards in the air. She stated because she wanted to test if cats always land on their feet, and it wasnt to hurt the cat because she did it above a soft surface, and that i cannot be sure the cat disliked it because it didnt ran away or hiss or anything, for all I knew he might have liked it - she said. On scaring street cats, she states they are used to it and it doesnt scare them, she is just messing around... Deep in my heart I know the answer to this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I asked her why she did it, throwing my cat backwards in the air. She stated because she wanted to test if cats always land on their feet, and it wasnt to hurt the cat because she did it above a soft surface, and that i cannot be sure the cat disliked it because it didnt ran away or hiss or anything, for all I knew he might have liked it - she said. On scaring street cats, she states they are used to it and it doesnt scare them, she is just messing around... Deep in my heart I know the answer to this one. She is full of BS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I would throw her off the porch and see if she lands on her feet😅 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I think her actions shows she views them more as "things"...I ended a friendship once because they were mocking me and my animals. Saying things like "it's a stupid horse, it can't feel". Ugh...sad. But unfortunately that's how some people view animals. Having fun hurting or scaring something just disgusts me. Poor kitties This makes my blood boil. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I asked her why she did it, throwing my cat backwards in the air. She stated because she wanted to test if cats always land on their feet, and it wasnt to hurt the cat because she did it above a soft surface, and that i cannot be sure the cat disliked it because it didnt ran away or hiss or anything, for all I knew he might have liked it - she said. On scaring street cats, she states they are used to it and it doesnt scare them, she is just messing around... Deep in my heart I know the answer to this one. Yeah, I think you do know the answer. And, she wants to "test" to see if cats really do always land on their feet? She can't be that dumb, can she? Sorry, but...this infuriates me. If she really has to "test" that, she has even more issues than I thought. (Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I am extremely protective as far as animals -- especially my own -- are concerned, and this just infuriates me.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I think her actions shows she views them more as "things"...I ended a friendship once because they were mocking me and my animals. Saying things like "it's a stupid horse, it can't feel". Ugh...sad. But unfortunately that's how some people view animals. Having fun hurting or scaring something just disgusts me. Poor kitties This makes my blood boil. My ex was like this -- he actually claimed to like animals, but...when my cat was dying, he was SO awful to me about it, telling me I was wasting my money on vet bills, telling me "It's not like it's a person or anything," calling me a "crazy cat lady" (when I cried on the phone to him about my terminally ill cat -- nice guy!) He even had two cats at one point, but he gave them away when they became too inconvenient to his bachelor lifestyle. Yuck. People like this make me cringe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I read on another forum of a woman who was dating a guy who hated her cats. For some reason she MARRIED this guy, then one day she went to work and came home and there was blood in the room where the guy insisted the cats be locked up in. He wasn't bleeding...he'd gotten angry with the cats after he went into "their" room for some reason and he took one of them out of their cage (yes, she allowed him to insist they not only be locked into a room but locked in cages) and beat him. She then went back on the forum asking how she could get the guy to like her cats. I remember this story because it enraged me. This woman will not become a cat lover just because you want her to. She's already proven she abuses them, so what's there to decide?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I asked her why she did it, throwing my cat backwards in the air. She stated because she wanted to test if cats always land on their feet, and it wasnt to hurt the cat because she did it above a soft surface, and that i cannot be sure the cat disliked it because it didnt ran away or hiss or anything, for all I knew he might have liked it - she said. On scaring street cats, she states they are used to it and it doesnt scare them, she is just messing around... Deep in my heart I know the answer to this one. ....This is actually disturbing.....she sounds pathological and I think you DO know it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 I am like you. I cannot stand see an animal suffering. I ended a rs once because my then-gf made an ugly face about me taking care of my old cat's skin cancer wounds.. it was really hurtful to me. I would do anything for my pets. I may be on the crazy cat lady spectrum but I think I will be happier with a fellow crazy cat lady so we can both be crazy about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 ....This is actually disturbing.....she sounds pathological and I think you DO know it. In fact I do.. my insecurity and not trusting my instincts is my main issue. Friends keep telling me it is a stupid thing to break up over, they are 'only' pets. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 In fact I do.. my insecurity and not trusting my instincts is my main issue. Friends keep telling me it is a stupid thing to break up over, they are 'only' pets. Well, your friends aren't in the relationship. You are. You can't run a relationship by committee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 In fact I do.. my insecurity and not trusting my instincts is my main issue. Friends keep telling me it is a stupid thing to break up over, they are 'only' pets. No -- it's not a stupid thing. They are not *only* pets; they are living, breathing things that just want our love and care, and in return, they are devoted to us and bring us much joy. They are helpless, and they need us to look out for them. This was EXACTLY my awful ex's attitude toward pets, and I am SO thankful, every day, that things between us ended. I find that people who take this attitude toward animals tend to lack empathy and compassion. If one can't be compassionate toward something small and helpless that is incapable of any malice, how can he or she care about people? Even the people I know who have no pets, and have no plans to own one, still see them as living things that are worthy of compassion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 In fact I do.. my insecurity and not trusting my instincts is my main issue. Friends keep telling me it is a stupid thing to break up over, they are 'only' pets. Well I guess your friends don't realize that innocent creatures need to be protected . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I asked her why she did it, throwing my cat backwards in the air. She stated because she wanted to test if cats always land on their feet, and it wasnt to hurt the cat because she did it above a soft surface, and that i cannot be sure the cat disliked it because it didnt ran away or hiss or anything, for all I knew he might have liked it - she said. On scaring street cats, she states they are used to it and it doesnt scare them, she is just messing around... Deep in my heart I know the answer to this one. That is awful!!! On the other hand I think one can love animals and not want them on the table. Just like someone can adore my child and not want him behaving in certain ways or getting into their personal space/stuff, etc. But this is a no brainer - she treated him like a 2 year old (or younger) child would treat an animal if he didn't know any better and wasn't taught how to interact with animals. Someone who knows better who throws a cat for sport??? Bye bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucha Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 Beside her behaviour with animals, she is actually a people loving person, both in and out her job. Which is why I was shocked to learn about her treatment of animals and why she doesn't see anything wrong with that. In fact she was a little angry at me for not letting her be herself with animals. My friends thought she could become a cat tolerant person because to her it was all 'playing', no harm intended. So, that being said; I'm going to be a good cat mommy to my little boy and protect him from further damage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I just can't understand why people use the guise of "just playing" to justify their tormenting animals . I am so happy I married another extreme animal lover . And one of the reasons why my husband said he was so attracted to me is my intense love for animals ,small children and all those that are defenceless . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I wanted to add -this is not an issue of someone who isn't an "animal lover" -this is an issue of a person who chooses to treat innocent animals badly. I would actually be ok if you told me that you are an animal lover and she likes but does not love animals. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Beside her behaviour with animals, she is actually a people loving person, both in and out her job. Which is why I was shocked to learn about her treatment of animals and why she doesn't see anything wrong with that. In fact she was a little angry at me for not letting her be herself with animals. My friends thought she could become a cat tolerant person because to her it was all 'playing', no harm intended. So, that being said; I'm going to be a good cat mommy to my little boy and protect him from further damage. You know...when I read your post I kind of glossed over in my mind about her throwing the kitty. I really kind of minimized it as maybe not as bad as it sounds, like maybe something minor she did that she didn't know you shouldn't not being an animal person. I kind of mentally minimized because it's hard for a normal person to even imagine someone deliberately tossing an animal as an "experiment". It took your follow up post for my psycho radar to go off the scales. You also know that psychopaths/sociopaths can be incredibly likable, sociable, etc. Actually one of the early warning signs is them torturing animals. Again, you know all this very well. I would back away from her very very carefully and cautiously. She is a dangerous person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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