Slightly unusual situation, not sure what to do...???

[ginaloribic]

Good morning folks (or afternoon, or evening depending on your location!).

 

So, I'll outline my situation & see what you guys think. I split up with my partner of ten years around three months ago, still dealing with that mentally, but that's another story

 

I have become very good friends with a male work colleague (I am also male for clarification). We now socialise outside of work, my kids, his kids & his wife, we all get along very well. To cut to the chase, I'd mentioned that my now ex partner and I used to indulge in swinging, turns out he and his wife did also. Without going into details, my friend, his wife & I have had a threesome together on two separate occasions & a good time was had by all. Then things became a bit weird. They had some issues which I won't go into, but now things have been put on hold in that department, possibly permanently. We are still all good friends, although his wife has chosen not to contact me directly for now.

 

My situation/problem is thus

 

I feel like I care for his wife. Not to the point where I want to steal her from him, or be with her etc. I can't quite put it into words properly. I'd love a chance to swing with them again as a threesome, but I'm not sure if I should sit and have a chat with them about that aspect, to let my feelings known, or if I should just let sleeping dogs lie. Before we took the step to have sex together, we agreed that if anyone started to feel differently etc, we talk about it. I know he is a very open minded person and would be open and honest about his thoughts on my feelings etc. Outside of what happened, there is no question of his wife's loyalty to him & I don't wish that to change.

 

So, do I chat with them both together and tell them what's on my mind, or just keep my thoughts to myself?

 

Writing forum posts isn't my forte, so I hope this has all made sense! Thanks for reading.

 

P

[RedDress]

If you value the friendship, I think you should leave them alone in that department for now.

 

You already know they had problems. You already know the situation has been put "on hold". You already know that she has been asked not to contact you directly.

 

They've already told you through their actions (and maybe words) that now is not a good time anymore.

 

If you value their friendship, you should respect their boundaries and let them come to you when/if they are ready. I'm sure they understand that you are still up for it.

[ginaloribic]

If you value the friendship, I think you should leave them alone in that department for now.

 

You already know they had problems. You already know the situation has been put "on hold". You already know that she has been asked not to contact you directly.

 

They've already told you through their actions (and maybe words) that now is not a good time anymore.

 

If you value their friendship, you should respect their boundaries and let them come to you when/if they are ready. I'm sure they understand that you are still up for it.

 

You are probably right there in fairness. The sex was good, but given the choice, I'd much rather have their friendship over anything else.