Should I ask him to be exclusive?

[susy]

I have been dating this guy for about 10 weeks. We have been on a date about once a week. It’s been about 50/50 we ask each other out. We have been on double dates with my sister and best friend. Both have told me we look very happy together. Dates have gone very well. We hug and hold hands in public and have had sex too. Only thing is he is not good at expressing his feelings, doesn’t talk much about himself. He does text me on a daily basis and usually texts me first. I really like him, love his qualities and feel ready to move on to the next step, becoming exclusive. However, he has not expressed the same. About a week ago I asked how he thought things were going and he said “I’ve been having a good time and everything is going fine”. I asked if he just looking for fun or something serious and he said serious. I continued by asking if I should continue to invest my feelings and he said yes. A few days later I asked if he dates anyone else and his response was “just you at the moment”, I then asked if he planned to and he said “lol no” and did not ask me the same. I do not want to continue to invest my feelings if he does not feel the same. What should I do at this point? Ask to be exclusive? Thank you in advance for the feedback, it is appreciated.

[rosephase]

It sounds like he's told you that he's already exclusive to you. So just ask him.

[happyfrank]

Just tell him that you don't want to have sex until your in a relationship.

 

flight or fight for you.

 

Good luck.

[JaggerJim]

If you keep asking questions you will kill the momentum. Just let things flow. There are no guarantees in the love department, and your asking for one. He can't give you one because he does not know. No-one knows. He has however given you an answer that he enjoys what you have. Don't keep pushing and ruin it!

[fabact]

yea, he's told you he's exclusive and he wants something seriuos. you've already brought it up twice so now you know. a) he's not dating anyone else b) he's looking for something seriuos. That's exclusive. my guy was the exact same way and said to me at month number 3 "I thought we were exclusive but just did say it". shortly after that he started introducing me as his girlfriend. Just see how he refers to you in introductions and maybe you start referring to him as your boyfriend. I recommend you read Rene Wade if you get a chance. some of her articles are on the internet.

[Starlight925]

At 10 weeks, I would want to know something more than "just you at the moment lol". I'm sorry, but that's either a total beta-guy answer, or someone who does not view this as exclusive for the long term.

 

Add to that, the fact that you only see each other once a week? That would drive me crazy.

 

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he's telling you all you need to know right now: he's content with seeing you very infrequently, and he's not committing anything to the growth of your relationship. And, he likes the fact that he can get all the sex with you that he wants, without having to come up with any sort of agreement. Just an "lol", which is also very immature.

 

If you like him and want to see if you can have a future with him, just tell him what you're looking for, and ask him directly if you are on the same page. Not giving him an ultimatum, but letting him know that this is where you are in your life. Ask him where he is. His answer will tell you all you need to know.

 

I wasted 2 1/2 years on someone like this. He never dated anyone else, but his answer was always "We'll just see where this goes". We saw each other exactly 2 x/week, at his convenience. Yes, he got sex twice a week for 2 1/2 years without ever having to commit to a future with me. Then one day, he just walked out, and he moved in with someone else very shortly afterwards. To say it broke my heart is an enormous understatement. Don't be like me.

[abitbroken]

I think you should tell him you aren't seeing anyone else only him.

 

I think you should stop asking him "how are we going/do you like how things are going with us" and ask him more questions to determine for yourself if you see this guy as long term. Does he have family? How many siblings? Are his parents married? What is his faith and beliefs? if you are very young "What do you plan to do after college, etc. Inatead of asking him to be exclusive, figure out if you want him.

 

Also, 2 1 /2 months is not long and once a week at that point is fine - you are getting to know eachother/ But eventually you should see more of eachtoerh

[j.man]

Next time just ask directly instead of making it a game of 21 questions. To be honest, you're in kind of an awkward spot because while, yes, you definitely should establish exclusivity in definite terms, you've already rattled off with a bunch of other questions and presented yourself as pretty insecure. I might let it go and enjoy yourself for a little bit before raising the topic.

[katrina1980]

If you keep asking questions you will kill the momentum. Just let things flow. There are no guarantees in the love department, and your asking for one. He can't give you one because he does not know. No-one knows. He has however given you an answer that he enjoys what you have.

 

Don't keep pushing and ruin it!

 

OMG so much this^.

 

Just relax for heaven's sake, sheesh!

 

You'll end up pushing him right out the door, then come back on this board calling him an d-bag for "using you for sex," or something equally ludicrous.

 

10 weeks - 2.5 months approx. Not very long at all, still early stages.

 

He told you how much he enjoys dating you and he's not dating anyone else.

 

JJ is right, anything can happen at this point. In fact, anything can happen at any point!

 

Never any guarantees, it's all risk.

 

Stop pushing and just chill. Enjoy what you have and allow it to grow gradually and naturally. Have fun!

 

Don't allow other negative experiences (or those of others posting) poison you to something potentially good with this guy.

 

Good luck!

 

ETA You know, while I am all for having boundaries and clarifying things such as exclusivity, the reality is that, as I said above, anything can happen at any time throughout a RL.

 

You could mutually agree to exclusivity, and then the following week, or even sooner, he (or you) could meet someone else (without even looking) who totally rocks your world and wish to pursue them.

 

Again, it's all just one big risk and it takes a thick skin and the ability to be resilient if things don't work out.

 

That is why I am sort of on the fence re the "exclusivity talk." People say it's necessary but is it really? I mean again, someone could commit to exclusivity and then meet someone else soon thereafter. So what's the point of agreeing to it, really?

 

For me, I trust my judgment. I have faith and trust in the connection we have established.

 

I can feel when it's right or wrong. And if it feels wrong, I leave.

 

Maybe not everyone has this ability and needs to clarify, but if you do, remember, there are never any guarantees in dating, relationships, or life in general.

 

It's all a risk.

[HeartGoesOn]

Rather than putting the cart before the horse, I would have been clear as to where we stand, as well as eliminating any doubt before becoming intimate.

 

Of course to each their own...

[Honeycomb8]

At 10 weeks, I would want to know something more than "just you at the moment lol". I'm sorry, but that's either a total beta-guy answer, or someone who does not view this as exclusive for the long term.

 

Add to that, the fact that you only see each other once a week? That would drive me crazy.

 

I'm sure he's a nice guy, but he's telling you all you need to know right now: he's content with seeing you very infrequently, and he's not committing anything to the growth of your relationship. And, he likes the fact that he can get all the sex with you that he wants, without having to come up with any sort of agreement. Just an "lol", which is also very immature.

 

If you like him and want to see if you can have a future with him, just tell him what you're looking for, and ask him directly if you are on the same page. Not giving him an ultimatum, but letting him know that this is where you are in your life. Ask him where he is. His answer will tell you all you need to know.

 

I wasted 2 1/2 years on someone like this. He never dated anyone else, but his answer was always "We'll just see where this goes". We saw each other exactly 2 x/week, at his convenience. Yes, he got sex twice a week for 2 1/2 years without ever having to commit to a future with me. Then one day, he just walked out, and he moved in with someone else very shortly afterwards. To say it broke my heart is an enormous understatement. Don't be like me.

 

Once a week is fine. It's not too infrequent nor frequent enough. I don't think a girl should ever mention exclusivity first. I'm used to the guy bringing it up, and it generally happens within 2 months. I normally then have a choice to accept or decline haha.

 

I don't think they really talked about being exclusive though. So she should gauge it.

It should be a 'okay, we're only dating each other from now' convo or some form of it.

[electricorchid]

This situation reminds me a lot of something i went through earlier this year. It sounds like he wants exclusivity with you and has already made that happen, but if your still confused then id clarify again until you feel comfortable withought pushing it