What Happened???

[what000111]

I've had a love relationship for 20yrs on and off with the love of my life... We have gone back and forth for years... we were in separate relationships and some how found each other again. I was in the military 12yrs ago and left for Iraq. While I was serving she re-found me through social media and we reignighted our relationship but I moved to NC when I returned from Iraq. She came and met me when I came home and came to NC with me and spent weeks with me. I tried to convince her to move here with me but she eventually declined after weeks of thinking about it. I found a new girlfriend and had her for 2 1/2 years and then we broke up and my long love found out about it and immediately made contact. we rekindled our relationship once more and again i tried to convince her to move down and again she declined... 2 yrs when by and we were talking everyday and she came down in April and we had an amazing time, then she came back down in May and we had an even more amazing time. she started talking about moving down and making plans. She returned home and we continued to facetime everyday and i was happy. I sent her flowers and a note roughly a week after she went home and she said she didn't know which one she loved more, the flowers or the note... 2 weeks later i noticed a guy liking all of her facebook posts and I asked her about him and she said she may potentially be going into a relationship with him and that was back in June. every 3 or 4 days she would contact me some way... facetime, a joke through messenger or a text... She just recently facetime me and I realized she was at his house and she is spending nights there. She told me that she was going through tough times and that this guy somehow saved her what ever that meant... I have no ideal how to proceed...

[vesper]

I've had a love relationship for 20yrs on and off with the love of my life... We have gone back and forth for years... we were in separate relationships and some how found each other again. I was in the military 12yrs ago and left for Iraq. While I was serving she re-found me through social media and we reignighted our relationship but I moved to NC when I returned from Iraq. She came and met me when I came home and came to NC with me and spent weeks with me. I tried to convince her to move here with me but she eventually declined after weeks of thinking about it. I found a new girlfriend and had her for 2 1/2 years and then we broke up and my long love found out about it and immediately made contact. we rekindled our relationship once more and again i tried to convince her to move down and again she declined... 2 yrs when by and we were talking everyday and she came down in April and we had an amazing time, then she came back down in May and we had an even more amazing time. she started talking about moving down and making plans. She returned home and we continued to facetime everyday and i was happy. I sent her flowers and a note roughly a week after she went home and she said she didn't know which one she loved more, the flowers or the note... 2 weeks later i noticed a guy liking all of her facebook posts and I asked her about him and she said she may potentially be going into a relationship with him and that was back in June. every 3 or 4 days she would contact me some way... facetime, a joke through messenger or a text... She just recently facetime me and I realized she was at his house and she is spending nights there. She told me that she was going through tough times and that this guy somehow saved her what ever that meant... I have no ideal how to proceed...

 

 

If she is going to be with the other guy then you should NOT pursue her that is the right thing to do. good luck ! X-bondgirl

[lostandhurt]

Sorry but she has always had one foot out the door in your time together. I wonder if she always had some other guy in the wings during these visits with you.

 

What to do?

 

Well she is with another guy in her hometown and she had made it pretty clear she will not move to where you live so that leaves you three options:

 

1. Wish her well and ask that she not contact you anymore and try and move on from her.

2. Tell her you are not willing to be any ones back up plan and she needs to make a choice, him or you.

3. Move to where she lives and make it clear you are there to build a life with her.

 

From all these years it seems you two had some good times but the bond was never strong enough to make them last. Perhaps it is time to move on from the past and start thinking about your future going total NC on her.

 

Lost

[Hollyj]

I would move on from this. Completely! If you guys have not been able to make it work after SO MANY attempts. It never will.

 

Move on. You also can't be fiends.

[happyfrank]

Delete her number and Block her on social media. She doesn't love you the way you love her. She likes her new boyfriend more.

 

Move on and forget about her.

[HeartGoesOn]

She has you on the back burner, while she looks for a better deal. Why would you accept that role?

[what000111]

It's too hard to let her go.... she seemed like the one... all I can think of is the way she made me felt, her smile is embedded in my head, I want to reach out every day but resist because I know it will not help...m

[kbbcoop77]

It's too hard to let her go.... she seemed like the one... all I can think of is the way she made me felt, her smile is embedded in my head, I want to reach out every day but resist because I know it will not help...m

 

Everybody here thought the same thing. The advice is sound. You'll just stay trapped being in contact with her. You need to detach.