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Is this guy in the wrong for not being honest about what he wanted?


Lotusavx

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I went on a date with this guy that works in the same building as me. We had a great date and a really good time. We ended up going back to his place, since he lives also a few buildings over from me. We just had a few drinks and played board games and he was really cool! Then his friend (who is a girl) gets there. I was just assuming that she dropped by early, because he told me they were going to a friends party later. We all hung out, played games and had a good time. When I went to use his washroom, he showed me where it was and we ended up making out a little. I didn't think anything of it. Then, I get back to the living room, they are both talking in the kitchen. All of a sudden, he tells me how they are in an "open" relationship, and that she didn't like that him and I were kissing, and that I have to leave. I was shocked! I asked him why he didn't tell me right away, and just got up and left, feeling humiliated. I don't know what the goal was here: if they wanted a threesome, or if they were polyamorous and sort of "feeling me out". But I told him that either way that he should have been honest with me from the very beginning. I have never been in a situation like this before, and I am humiliated, but I feel like he is in the wrong for not telling me right away. We were having a great date, and I didn't think anything of his "friend" dropping by, but I had no idea that she was scoping me out.

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He is deffinelty in the wrong for not telling you about this situation. That isn't something that normally happens. There are some pretty strange couples out there and I think this is just a situation you can look back at on one day and laugh. Don't feel humiliated by it, he looks like the idiot for putting you in that situation.

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Thank God you weren't intimate with him and then found out later who he was. I suggest not going to each other's homes until you've known a guy longer. When people have chemistry, you might go further than you should have before really knowing a person well enough before taking that step. It also could be dangerous, as you don't have the safety of a public venue. Take your time while getting to know a guy and trust you know enough about him before venturing into his home. If you're looking for a long-term relationship, you'll also get to know a guy's intent, if he wants to keep dating you in public, and has the patience to wait, without the idea of bedding you asap by getting you alone.

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I don't know what the goal was here: if they wanted a threesome, or if they were polyamorous and sort of "feeling me out".

 

Yes I think that is exactly what happened.

 

His girlfriend didn't "approve" and to have a threesome, they both need to approve.

 

He did obviously, hence the making out, but I think his mistake was NOT allowing his gf to find the woman.

 

Assuming they wanted it that night.

 

I have been approached on several occasions (well twice actually) for a threesome, and always by the girlfriend, every time.

 

I recall one woman trying VERY hard to convince me, telling me her boyfriend would "love" me, etc.

 

I can't be 100% sure of course, but I would bet that is what happened.

 

ETA: I take that back. There was one other time wherein the boyfriend approached. It was at a restaurant. I was even with my boyfriend at the time! But he had gone to the rest room.

 

I told him what happened (massive mistake) and I swear I thought he was gonna knock the guy out he was so pissed!

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You know, guys are horny and devious. They lie all the time to get you into bed. (Hey, sometimes girls do that too.) In a situation like that, he's not going to tell you what's really going on. I agree that I think he was going to try to convince his girlfriend and you into a threesome and the girlfriend got angry. The guy lied to you. You have nothing to feel humiliated about other than being a little quick to go to a guy's apartment you really didn't know.

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Ugh. How awkward and I'd have been angry too.

 

I suspect he's one of those guys who's been pressuring his girlfriend for a threesome and thought he'd fly you by her to see if she'd go for it. Which she didn't.

 

Some of these non monogamous types have no shame.. they try to treat others like they're an all you can eat sex buffet where you are expected to just say, sure I'll go along with whatever you want, no matter how disrespectful or outrageous their expectations are.

 

And believe me, asking you on a supposed normal first date then trying to turn it into a threesome or introducing you to his girlfriend is ridiculous. I think that they think you'll get a few drinks in you then they'll spring it on you and you'll agree. Idiots.

 

Give this guy a wide berth. And unless you are really ok with casual sex, get to know a guy a bit more and find out what his relationship status is before sleeping with him or going back to his place.

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