askltk Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Its been some 6 years since I've needed to visit this helpful forum, however I feel myself resorting to seek guidance once again. I've been in a fantastic relationship with my girlfriend for 5 years, which started when she was 22 (I was 26). We were introduced by our mutual friends in the summer of 2012, when I moved into the city as part of a work based relocation and she was studying her for Master degree in one of the city's top universities. We would see each other a couple of times a week, maybe more, through out that year as we both lived within a short train journey from one another. In 2013 I moved back to my hometown to complete restorations on a property i owned. At the same time, she moved back with her parents having completed her studying. Her parents live local to my property so there was no real impact on our relationship. Once my restoration was finished, I moved in with a friend and she stayed a few nights a week. This arrangement lasted almost 2 1/2 years, when we decided that we should live together. My friend had move in with his girlfriend, and meant we had the property to ourselves. We'd been together 3 1/2 years before we moved in together, which was the summer of 2016. However, her moving in came under somewhat awkward circumstances. Having proposed she move in a number of occasions, she had always been hesitant. She's always been an independent girl, wanting to live in the city like so many of her university friends. She wanted to do so much in her early 20's that she hadn't been able to (travel / live in the city / work aboard), and she felt she was too young to move in with me. She saw moving in has sacrificing all these things, and that is would outline greater statements (such as marriage) without question. I didn't put as much emphasis on the importance of moving in (and its apparent life changing commitments), it was merely the next step of our relationship to see if we could live together. She remained hesitant, but we decided that she would temporarily move in as a trail to see if we enjoyed it. It was an easier commute for her (into the city takes around 40 mins), and would enable her the chance to save following the private funding of her student loan. I was living a fairly modest life, so there was no financial incentive for her to move in on my end. She's been living with me ever since, and we've enjoyed living together - even saying how happy we've been on a regular basis. We've talked about my intentions for kids at 35, and how i hoped that we could be in a position to get engaged in the few years. ........Then, following a visit to see her former work colleague and her partner a few weeks ago, she mentioned that they had a room to rent for 7 weeks between tenants, and asked my opinion on her taking it. Alone. I've always considered myself fairly mature when it comes to relationships, so stated that I didn't like it & that it was a step back for both our relationship and her. Selfishly, I thought that living together would be more of a driver for her than living apart somewhere else. She wanted to experience life in the City, as living in the suburbs felt like she was settling for a home life she wasn't ready for. She wanted to experience it whilst she could, without the huge expense of a 6 month tenancy - as a taster for US moving in later in the year. I was always for the idea of US, as I too was feeling the restrictions of living away from the vibrant city in which I work for 3/4 days a week. I too was guilty of becoming comfortable in the easy life, in a property I owned close to my family and friends that was a 30min drive to my office. It also made huge financial sense for both of us, and renting in the city is exceptionally expensive, even for a small 1 bed apartment. We want to remain very much together (her new place would no more than 30 mins away), and provide us with City base so we can "live" city life for 7 weeks. But it too would be a lot of nights apart. At this moment, I've agreed to her leaving on the basis that it will (hopefully) enable us to move on once she moves back in September. The crux of the matter is, I want us to be together, and for her to commit to us long term. At this moment, she feels she can't until she's done more of things shes wanted to do in her 20's. We are both in love with one another, and want our relationship to progress, but she doesn't want to look back with regrets. Nore do I want to feel like I've prevented her. My concern is that, and his maybe me overthinking it, that this her way of peeking over the fence to if life really is greener before making a bigger decision. I don't want to facilitate my own downfall. Apologies for the rambling - I've cut alot out but I think the key points are there. Link to comment
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