Do I have a chance?

[Ramonramos72]

My ex gf and I broke up because I cheated on her. She couldn't get over one of my hookups in particular. A FWB I'd had for almost 4 years. She thought I loved her.

 

We were together a little over a year and we broke up the end of April of this year. She removed her relationship status the end of April I didn't take mine down til the end of May. So basically she had taken her "in a relationship" off of Facebook way before I did. I've been begging her back almost every single day. I've only gotten as far as her saying she loves me but it's a different kind of love. I found out she was talking to some new guy. She told me it wasn't planned that they met. She said he was at the right place at the right time. I asked her if she loves him and she said "not yet". She did say her friends and family all think he's a good guy. On the 4 th of July I'm pretty sure she went to the beach with her friends and I asked her is he gonna be there and she said "idk who's gonna be there". I asked her to go away with me and she didn't want to. She's not mean to me. She still talks to me as a friend.

 

She randomly blocked me on instagram around the time she went to the beach. I thought it was because she didn't want me to see her post with her new guy. She blocked me about a month ago which I don't get since she is still very friendly with me. Well a few days ago she unblocked me. I didn't notice until last night. There were no pics of any guys at all so why did she block me in the first place?? I followed her but she didn't follow me back. I know she knows I followed her because she followed two other ppl who weren't me AFTER I followed her.... Does her unblocking me indicate that she wants me back??

I also seen her talking with a guy whom I suspect she's talking to but it's hard to say.

 

She posted a pic and he commented their conversation went like this:

 

Guy: Where did your tan go?

 

Her: what tan? lol I never got Tan?

 

Guy: your profile pic.... what kind of trick is this

 

Her: I got a Glo tan that doesn't damage my skin ☺️

 

Guy: I was happy now just confused

 

Her: happy?

 

Guy: happy you got some sun I was beginning to think you were a vampire😜

 

Her: ahaha someone else I know calls me a vampire

 

Guy: ur a vampire+babe 😜

 

Her: ahaha that's so funny

 

I think this is the guy she's talking to but I'm not sure.

 

Either way do I have a chance? Why would she unblock me only to not follow me back??

[Andrina]

Why would a woman with any self worth want a guy with such poor ethics, a cheater, back in her life? Besides murder, that's the most hurtful thing you can do to a person. Your question should be why you've become such a person, and what you can do to change for the better so that you can be a person with integrity, and love a future partner with integrity.

[Knight2001]

you cheated on her. do the decent thing, leave her alone and stop stalking her.

if she has you back you will just cheat again.

once a cheater always a cheater

[SherrySher]

I'm sorry, Op but I don't think this is going to work out for you.

 

Cheating on someone is incredibly harsh and not something most people can forgive and they can never forget. I think you can expect her to be nice to you as a friend (an truthfully you are lucky for even that), but it won't ever become a dating situation again.

[Pleasedonot5]

Ramon,

 

I'm going to deviate from the previous posters and say that there are many reasons why people cheat (I never have, but it is worth stating a different point of view). I'm not sure what your case was, but some cheat because they: are not sexually or emotionally satisfied with the relationship, want to break up but feel they can't (like they're trapped), and some because of the vanity of it. Men and women weren't necessarily biologically made for long-term monogamous relationships, but culture has made it so. Whatever the reason, even if the temptation will affect almost anyone, you did something pretty objectionable by cheating and being dishonest about the parameters of your relationship.

 

If you have not done so already, you should genuinely feel ashamed of your actions and you should apologize.

 

Next, quit the begging. I don't care if you did nothing or the worst thing in the world; respect yourself enough never to beg for anyone that chooses not to be with you. Respect yourself and your ex-partner more than to beg for them. It's pathetic, unattractive, and the most unproductive thing you can do in terms of getting an ex back.

 

Third, work on yourself. This should be a lesson for you. Cheat, and you lose a partner. Next time you are in a monogamous relationship and an opportunity to cheat with someone else arises, you need to have red flags that pop up in your brain that tell you "remember what happened last time. I cannot respect myself and my partner while still going through with this" and that should be the end of it. You should instead communicate next time with your partner with what you want sexually. Keep spicing up the sex life at home so that your mind is set on them. Alternatively, you could try being honest with yourself and stay away from monogamous relationships for a while.

 

As for the girl, I doubt she will come back. If she does, she will not come back due to your begging. If you want a better chance of her coming back, improve yourself (in all aspects of life), heal, and move on. Hope this helps, and best of luck with your healing.

[Ramonramos72]

Guys.... there's more to it than just me cheating. I cheated on her last July and she forgave me and I had a FWB of 4 years whom I told her was stalking me and she found out from the FWB that we were actually involved the whole time..... which is why she dumped me this last time

[Pleasedonot5]

Was the 4-year FWB lying when she said that you were involved the whole time?

[Ramonramos72]

No she wasn't. She was in love with me the entire time and she briefly cut me off when she found out I got a gf. She stopped sleeping with me in dec 2015 and we started back march 2016 she always hoped for a relationship and one day she got fed up because she said I was playing games with her and she told my gf. After that me and my gf tried to work on things but it didn't work. We got back together and then broke up a few weeks later (April 2017)

[MissCanuck]

I don't think she's coming back, OP.

 

Having been betrayed myself in the past, it forever changes the way you see the cheater. And if another more respectful and caring prospect pops up thereafter, well, it certainly is enticing and makes the cheater more of reminder of a bad past we don't wish to return to.

[Ramonramos72]

Just don't understand why she unblocked me then.

[Pleasedonot5]

Only she knows. I can almost guarantee she didn't unblock you because she wants you back. She might be wanting you to see her conversations. She might be wanting to check up on you out of curiosity. She might be doing it as a way of healing herself. Who knows.

 

You betrayed her trust twice; relationships rarely recover from repeat infidelity like that. I think that you are human and humans make mistakes, but I think you just need to pack your bags and move on from this one, man. Be single or in FWBs for a while, and just have fun. I think that's what you want, but you are grieving over the loss of this relationship for now.

[MissCanuck]

Just don't understand why she unblocked me then.

 

Curiosity? She could be looking to see if you've started dating the girl you cheated with.

 

In any event, I wouldn't read a simple unblocking as a sign she wants you back. It's nowhere near enough to support that theory.

 

But a serious question: why do you want her back now? You didn't love her enough to stay faithful to her, so what's the point?

[Ramonramos72]

I did love her.

 

Honestly.... I did/do care about my fwb too. I did some messed up stuff to her as well. But I've told everyone bad things about her I'd look incredibly stupid if I got with her. But I cared about my ex GF way more. I apologized to my FWB recently and told her I was sorry for everything I did to her but also that we can't be together. She got upset because I still have her blocked on social media. I blocked her for show for everyone I told things about her to. She didn't really do anything to be blocked. Also my ex blocked her too because she was jealous of her and didn't want me to have any interaction with her.... she's still blocked on everything except what's app. Which I ignore her when she messages me. She asked me if I ever did care about her and I told her "as a person but nothing else"

 

My FWB actually messaged me yesterday asking if I'm back with my ex and that' she was asking me as a friend and was just worried about me. I ignored her so she said "fine. I tried" I ignored that too.

[IAmFCA]

you and your fwb had more than fwb.

 

Me and my fwb... none of that attachment / rejection response. We don't ask or require explanations. Only "Are you okay? i was worried about you. Glad youre back."

 

It is good you are practicing boundaries now. Any gf will know those boundaries are temporary. you need to truly detach.

[Ramonramos72]

Yeah me and my ex FWB had a weird relationship. I could show up at her house unnanounced and it wasn't a big deal for either of us

[Ramonramos72]

I know it probably hurt her that I ignored her.... but I can't talk to her.

I could never be with her

[IAmFCA]

Yeah me and my ex FWB had a weird relationship. I could show up at her house unnanounced and it wasn't a big deal for either of us

 

not her friend to talk bad about her.

not her friend to put what others think of you ahead of being fair to her.

not her friend to block her even though she didn't earn rejection.

your apology to her was without meaning or substance.

you used your so called. fwb for sex. you haven't been and still aren't her friend.

 

i would stop playing games with people. then get a gf. not now.

[Ramonramos72]

not her friend to talk bad about her.

not her friend to put what others think of you ahead of being fair to her.

not her friend to block her even though she didn't earn rejection.

your apology to her was without meaning or substance.

you used your so called. fwb for sex. you haven't been and still aren't her friend.

 

i would stop playing games with people. then get a gf. not now.

 

 

So I take it her unblocking me meant nothing to you guys?

[mustlovedogs]

It means nothing until it means something. I.e. she reaches out with intentions to meet up and work things out.

[Ramonramos72]

It means nothing until it means something. I.e. she reaches out with intentions to meet up and work things out.

 

I told you, she didn't follow me back. And I've been in contact with her she still talks to me as a friend but keeps saying she doesn't want to be with me

[IAmFCA]

When your behavior / your social circle accepts treating one another for appearances versus genuine respect and investment, then social media behavior could mean anything... which makes all of it meaningless.

 

Practice being straightforward with people. That will make things more clear.

[IAmFCA]

So I take it her unblocking me meant nothing to you guys?

 

said differently

 

it meant nothing.

 

speculate if it entertains you. could be everything from disinterest to vengence to boredom to friendship to pride to social access to crushing on your best friend.

[MissCanuck]

I don't think you know what love is, OP.

 

Love does not involve deliberate, prolonged deception. It does not include disrespecting the integrity of your relationship or gambling with the mental and physical well-being of your partner. Love doesn't entail putting your desires for sex and attention above the desires and expectations of your partner for a mutually monogamous, exclusive relationship.

 

Go out and have your fun. But don't do it at the expense of a girlfriend. You seem to have very little insight into the long-lasting emotional damage cheating causes. Your ex will carry that with her for a long time.

 

Until you have the chance to really mature, I think you need to stay single.

[Ramonramos72]

I don't think you know what love is, OP.

 

 

 

 

Love does not involve deliberate, prolonged deception. It does not include disrespecting the integrity of your relationship or gambling with the mental and physical well-being of your partner. Love doesn't entail putting your desires for sex and attention above the desires and expectations of your partner for a mutually monogamous, exclusive relationship.

 

Go out and have your fun. But don't do it at the expense of a girlfriend. You seem to have very little insight into the long-lasting emotional damage cheating causes. Your ex will carry that with her for a long time.

 

Until you have the chance to really mature, I think you need to stay single.

 

I definitely did care about her. But she's gonna fall in love with this guy and forget me. Hence her not following me back

[MissCanuck]

I definitely did care about her. But she's gonna fall in love with this guy and forget me. Hence her not following me back

 

Probably, yes.

 

That's what happens when you continuously disrespect someone by lying and cheating. They move on to a better deal. Take this is a very important life lesson: You don't get to screw around with people (literally and figuratively) and then get the goody bag at the end of the party.