Lostlittleme Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Hey, I'm new to this site, but not new to the whole heartbreak thing unfortunately. My last breakup was 5 days ago, and I guess I joined here to try and ease the pain a little. Up until Friday morning just past, I literally had the perfect relationship. I met my boyfriend a year and a half ago, 3 years after my marriage ended (which was my first and most traumatic breakup) and he was everything. I wasn't even looking for a new relationship when I met him on a night out. The one thing that put me off at first was the age gap, he was 21 and I was 28. I've never ever dated younger, but after chatting and laughing with him for a whole evening, it just felt so right. He was such an old soul for his 21 years, and extremely mature. He was more respectful of me than any man I'd met recently that was my age or older. He didn't just want sex, he wanted to get to know me as a person and I found that very appealing! It took a good few dates before he even tried anything, and I really did feel valued as a human. Any way. The whole time we've been together, he's been nothing but sweet, attentive and caring. I have two children who he was amazing with, and slowly built a very strong relationship and bond with them over time. Right up until the point of the break up he was arranging family trips and spending plenty of time with the three of us off his own back. I never pushed him to be a father figure or anything, I knew that wasn't his job or responsibility! But it was nice that he wanted to do it all the same. We never had fights, we never screamed at eachother. We worked through stupid (and very rare) arguments and always came out that little bit stronger on the other side. He constantly told me how much he loved me, was extremely tactile, bringing me in for hugs and being grabby as I walked by. He sang sweet song to me whilst cuddling close of a night time before falling asleep. Not a single bit of that changed, right up until Friday morning. He just sprung it on me all of a sudden that he thought we were heading in different directions in life, and wanted different things from eachother. He sobbed like a baby the whole way through. I was shocked...literally couldn't process the words he was saying. How was it possibly that he was talking about our perfect relationship? He kept saying he didn't know what he wanted, and needed to go back to his mum's house. So he left, and I didn't speak a word to him until Saturday morning. None of it felt real, I was sure he was going to come back and tell me he was just having a moment. I text him first Saturday morning to ask what he was doing, and if it was over. He again told me that he was unsure of our relationship, and thought it was for the best to end it. He kept calling me 'baby' the whole way through whilst texting. Force of habit I guess. He finished up by saying that he'd leave me alone so he could try to sort out 'the mess' he'd made of everything. I wasn't sure how to take that as it seemed like he was implying that he might of made the wrong choice, even though he was so certain of it being over. It doesn't feel like he thought his decision through at all to me. Any way I left him alone once he said that, and just spent the whole of Saturday crying inconsolably. Come Sunday we text a few time to sort him picking up his stuff from my house. He came over to do it that very day, no hesitation. I asked if I could have 5 minutes of his time so he could explain to me what's happened in his head, and he agreed. So I show up, he opens the door and starts sobbing again. He asked me for a hug straight away, which I turned down because it was too hard. We go to the kitchen and I ask him how long he has felt this way for. He said 'about a month or so'. So I ask if it's something I'd done, he says no and seems sincere. Same thing when I ask if it's something he's done, or if he met someone else. He's not a very good liar, and I really don't think he would of had the time to meet up with someone behind my back (potential for online cheating though I guess as we don't check each others phones/facebooks etc). He met a new friend about 2 months ago who's been spending more and more time with. This man is in his 40s with a string of women on the go, goes out drinking every night even though he doesn't have a job (except selling a bit of weed) and he's been asking my ex to go out with him more and more lately. My ex seems to really like and look up to this man, and I have no idea why. I can imagine he's the type of man who likes his buddies to be single so they can go drinking and picking up girls with him. The one and only time I met him, he kept calling me by the wrong name no matter how much I told him my actual name. So anyway, I asked if things had changed for him since meeting this new friend, and he looked very sheepish, and although he denied it, I knew instantly it was something to do with him. I then get that one line everyone dreads: 'I love you but I'm not in love with you'. The whole time we're talking his crying inconsolably, and keeps saying 'I've f'ed everything up'. I hadn't shed a tear at this point, but he was a real mess. I thanked him for telling me what I needed to hear, and told him I was going to say my goodbyes, as after everything was sorted with getting his stuff I'd be cutting contact. He asked me for several more hugs during the conversation, which I eventually obliged to because I just wanted to feel him hold me too, and he clung to me for so long each time, refusing to let go when I eventually tried to pull away. I ended up being the one consoling him and telling him he'd be fine as it's what he wants! I left him sobbing on my kitchen floor in a heap. Monday, he text me to tell me everything was gone apart from a few larger items. He also told me that our pet rats were fine after the move, after we both agreed for him to take them. I was polite but short in my replies, and he finished the conversation by saying 'have a great day my friend!' Which hurt. I'm not ready to be his friend yet when only a few days ago he's singing 'you are my sunshine' to me as I fall asleep. We haven't had much contact since then, just a couple of texts initiated by me to tie up some loose ends. Now it's all done, and today will be the first day of no contact for me. I saw on his Facebook before I removed him that he'll be looking at 3 different places to live today, not even a week after the breakup and he's looking at new homes. It hurt to see him moving on so swiftly when I can't even eat. So the thing is, I know this is over. Even if he does end up having any doubts, he's moved out and I've told my kids. I don't think he'd ever feel like he could come back after all is said and done. I have absolutely no intention of contacting him and have asked him to do the same (I doubt he would any way, he seems pretty set in his decision). I just need some ideas on what makes people switch so suddenly! How was he able to act so in love and happy for a whole month? How can people fake that so well? I absolutely didn't see this breakup coming, and I'm still in shock. How did anyone else in this situation deal with this and move past losing the love of their life so fast and brutally? I'm so lost at the moment with two heart broken children. I need some reassurance that I'll be ok and I'll some how over come this. I'm going away on Friday to a festival that I planned with him. He sold his ticket and will be staying here. I feel so sick at the thought of him not being there, we had an amazing time last year! But I know I need to go, other wise I'll be home all week on my own (kids are with their dad) just wallowing in sadness. Can anyone shed some light on this behaviour? And support for starting NC today would also be very much appreciated. This man touched my soul in a way I never thought possible, and I'm so scared of never feeling this way about anyone ever again. Thank you for reading this guys, it means a lot x Link to comment
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