Is husband going to cheat, or has he?

[tkelley]

I'm 43yr old woman and married to my 47 yr old husband for 20 yrs. I'm visiting family in another state for a few weeks, while my husband is home . He ran into old friends this past Sunday and told me, but then he said that he had ALSO ran into his ex/first love in the grocery store LAST SATURDAY (July 22) and had wanted to wait until I was home to tell me. I thought that was weird because he said he acted surprised, had a beer buzz and she talked about herself, he recited the time on his receipt compared to the other store he had been at just after....15 mins. He said I didn't want you to worry until you got home. I then find that he used our Ipad at home that's always logged into my FB ( he doesn't have a FB, said it's stupid) 3 days after seeing her, but denied checking it until I confronted him. Even after he knew I was not happy, he made jokes, with s degree of seriousness to it, that I should Friend her, or maybe I could be friends with her, she could maybe babysit for us????? I'm so confused!!! He seemed like he was not sorry for being curious about her and keeping it secret for a week??? Any advice or opinions or experience with this, I BEG!

[uknown25]

Curiosity killed the cat fits this-- if she leads on he will follow -- unless he's scared --- temptation is hard to resist

[13to50]

I'm a lot younger than you so I don't know if you want my advice. But, this seems like he wants to talk to you and he feels uncomfortable approaching the subject. I've dealt with talking about previous relationships with my boyfriend before and it's intimidating, but it makes you closer. Ask him about her, ask why he wants to contact her, be genuinely curious for him. Is there any reason to think he would cheat? Is your marriage unstable? Are you fighting? If you feel this way just forget about him running into the random girl from 15 years a go. Start working on your relationship. Make time to watch a movie together. Pamper him, give him a massage, make him feel special like he is to you. Go on a date, make his favorite food, do something weird. I don't know! But you've been married for 20 years girl! Perk up! That man needs you

[SherrySher]

He ran into an old girlfriend, he was curious what she has been up to and looked her up on Facebook, and then what??

 

I can't see what is so wrong here. People get curious, they wonder what happened to people from their past. Does it mean he wants her or is going to have an affair with her? Highly unlikely.

 

You have a 20 year marriage, he's not going to just toss it and walk away over wondering how an old ex is.

 

Try to have a bit more faith in him. I don't think there is anything more to any of it.

[Remash]

You could try asking him if he feels he can be trusted with this ex. (Of course, that works best if he feels I can, you can respond with "then I trust you too", which may not be easy.) This requires some guts, leaves you vulnerable and might leave him upset for you asking (but that's an answer to your question all by itself), but it's a very good way to keep the communication channels clear and open.

[j.man]

I'm confused on why he felt he had to report that he bumped into an ex of his at the grocery store, much less present time stamps, and why he felt it would "worry you." Either he is guilty and is going to Walter White lengths to embarrassingly overcompensate for it or he is throwing Hail Marys to placate some extreme insecurity / controlling expectations on your end. Hard to say which it is given the brevity.

[ImYoPusher]

I'm confused on why he felt he had to report that he bumped into an ex of his at the grocery store, much less present time stamps, and why he felt it would "worry you." Either he is guilty and is going to Walter White lengths to embarrassingly overcompensate for it or he is throwing Hail Marys to placate some extreme insecurity / controlling expectations on your end. Hard to say which it is given the brevity.

 

I agree with this and wonder why on Earth he'd suggest she'd make a good babysitter? I wouldn't invite my husbands ex to watch our kids. That's strange.

[reinventmyself]

It's sometimes suspect when someone over explains things.

But having said that people also often get flustered running into old loves.

It could be a passing thing.

Ride it out. See what happens.

 

Yah, and no babysitting. Where that came from is just plain odd.