ADecentMan Posted August 1, 2017 Share Posted August 1, 2017 Hello, everyone. This is my first post and I am not sure exactly how this works. I am going to try and provide you with the information needed to promote advice from members of this forum. However, if the following information does not sufficiently explain my situation then please let me know and I will elaborate as needed. I am currently facing a, for me, serious predicament. Over the past six weeks I have developed an attraction for a woman I am working with. (This attraction and interest represents no professional conflict of interest in case anyone was curious). This woman is intelligent, engaging, dynamic, and beautiful. In the weeks that we have know each other we have developed a serious dialectic and honest quasi-friendship that is predicated on trust and openness. She seems to enjoy my company and I can relate to her in meaningful ways. (She has also dropped hints that would imply a mutual attraction, though one she does not seem to be comfortable with for reasons you will see below.) And for me, that is a rarity. I am an extreme introvert who does not make connections easily-I actually don’t make connections at all. As a result, this attraction that I feel is confusing for me. The major conflict I have now is not risking a friendship by telling her how I feel. My attraction to her would make a long-term friendship very difficult. I don’t think I could sustain it because I do want more and as a result the friendship would be unhealthy, at least for me. And it might cause me to enact a self-serving agenda that would be unfair to her. She is in a long (around 2.5 year) term relationship with another man. I know, based on our conversations, that they are having issues but that she still cares for him and they are trying to work through them. Here is my problem. I have always tried to be respectful in every possible sense of the word to other people. As a result I am afraid of letting this woman know how I feel because I don’t want to insult her relationship and I don’t want to feel like some sort of opportunistic vulture who might (and I admit this is an overly optimistic outcome) cause this woman, who I care about, to jeopardize a good relationship with an uncertain possibility with me. Perhaps I am just holding on to old ideas about chivalry and being a decent man, but because of my lack of experience I don’t know if that is the case. What I don’t want to do is make the mistake of using antiquated or misguided convictions as an excuse to prevent me from taking a chance on the possibility of something good happening. I have never liked uncertainty and the various outcomes of my actions in this situation are causing me a great deal of anxiety. Does anyone who has faced a similar situation think they might be able to provide me with some informed advice? Link to comment
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.