My boyfriend has a female friend that pays for his phone bill and has bought him gifts

[Anonymouswoman]

My boyfriend has a female friend that he has been friends with for five or six years or more they live together for a while he helped raise her daughter with her. She currently pays for his iPhone 6 bill and has bought him an iPad Pro I trust my boyfriend but I am not sure if I like this situation? In the last couple of months she has asked him to go to Wisconsin with her and to buy 5 to 6 acres of land so that they could build houses together. I don't think that he is interested in her in more then a friendship way but I do think that she is interested in him in more then a friendship way. I don't want him to think I do not trust him because I do Im just not sure if I like this and I'm not sure how to approach the conversation of his friend that he was friends with before I came along we've been together for a year now. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to communicate to him that I do not like her paying for his phone bill in buying him gifts

[Emxxx]

That is a very strange situation and I can understand why you would be concerned. Communication is key and you need to tell him you don't feel comfortable that he is so close with another female when he is in a relationship. There are boundaries and I think buying acres of lands and building houses definitely crosses them. In my opinion she has feelings for him and there may of been a romantic history in the past. I sure as hell wouldn't want my boyfriend going away for the weekend with someone who has feelings for him.

[Honeycomb8]

He's in a relationship? Come on, it's blatantly obvious.

[MissCanuck]

Have you met this woman?

 

This is very odd. I can understand helping out a friend in a time of need, but this is crossing a boundary. It sounds like she thinks they're together. Are you sure there wasn't/isn't something more between them?

[Snny]

My boyfriend has a female friend that he has been friends with for five or six years or more they live together for a while he helped raise her daughter with her. She currently pays for his iPhone 6 bill and has bought him an iPad Pro

He's straight up using you. He wants you as a side chick while he's immerse with the other woman.

 

I don't want him to think I do not trust him because I do

Either you're naive or brainwashed. He has done very little to earn you're trust. His actions speak louder than words. The moment he tells you about moving to another state and buying property with her is the moment you should walk from the relationship entirely, no matter what feelings he CLAIMS to have for her. He's BSing you by keeping this woman around. He has no intentions leaving her if she is paying his phone bill and buying him all the techy gadgets.

 

She won't give him up. She's got a father figure for her child. She's not going to be happy losing him to you.

 

Please do yourself a favor and leave. You will always be in competition with her, and he is enabling the entire circus by staying with her. This is not a man you want with his associations. He is drama and a hot mess.

[Anonymouswoman]

Have you met this woman?

 

This is very odd. I can understand helping out a friend in a time of need, but this is crossing a boundary. It sounds like she thinks they're together. Are you sure there wasn't/isn't something more between them?

 

I have not met her...and no I'm not sure if there was anything between them or not they were friends before I came along and honestly i think she has feelings for him but I'm not sure if he has feelings got her or not I'm hoping not

[Anonymouswoman]

He lives with me and has since the first of the year they hardly hang out together so I'm positive I'm not a side chick. To me it seems like he's using her cause he knows she liked him and is willing to buy him gifts so he takes advantage of that.

[LaHermes]

This isn't a very praiseworthy trait, is it, Anon?

 

"To me it seems like he's using her cause he knows she liked him and is willing to buy him gifts so he takes advantage of that."

[ParisPaulette]

You need to end things. Worst case scenario he's cheating on you with her and vice versa. Best case scenario he's using another woman's feelings for him to get free stuff, which means he's very comfortable with manipulating other people to use them.

 

Neither of these scenarios equal someone who is a good person and an asset to have in one's life.

[Anonymouswoman]

Thank you all the help I truly appreciate it...I'm still not sure how to confront him not the whole situation

[reinventmyself]

I have rule in relationship you might consider presenting to him. Friends of the opposite sex are friends of both people in a relationship. If there is any reason he can't bring her around you then she's not a friend. At least not one he can have while in a committed relationship.

Tell him you want to meet his `friend'

[LaHermes]

And she might buy you some goodies too, Anon!

[j.man]

Bear in mind I wouldn't touch a woman in his position with a 10 foot pole. But I mean he's been "friends" with her for 6 years. Relatively speaking, you're a blip. She's also basically a sugar mama to him. Frankly, it's a pretty damn good deal for him. Chances are it's going to take scorching the earth in several different relationships before he realizes the new iPad and the attention fix isn't worth sacrificing all of his relationship prospects. Just dump him. Confronting him is just more drama you don't need tacked onto the inevitable breakup.

[TulipTrees]

you are focusing on the wrong thing here.. worried about whether a guy who is a terrible user is cheating on you, when it is obvious that he is leading this or other woman on which shows a serious lack of character.

 

You have no clue what he's told this other woman in general or about you. She may think they are still in a long distance relationship and that he will be moving home with her soon, and for all you know that could be true.

 

Twice in my life I started seeing guys who first claimed to be single but one turned out to have a wife on another state while he worked out of state where I was. The other had a wife who was in another state taking care of her elderly sick mother and both men we're lying and claiming their marriages were over when their wives of course thought they were still in a normal marriage only living apart for a while due to work/family circumstances and no clue at all that their husbands were lying and dating other women behind their backs.

 

This is NOT normal for a 'friend' to pay a grown man's phone bill for him or suggest they buy a home together. And there's a good chance that child could actually be his and he's been lying to you all along.

 

Please don't be naive. At best he needs to quit using this poor woman and leading her on, and at worst he is lying to both of you. I'd let this guy go and don't look back. He sounds very much like other users I've known who keep multiple woman on a string to use them in various ways while lying and manipulating to all of them.

 

If nothing is going on he'd be happy to introduce you to this woman and wouldn't take her money or talk about living with her again. Tell him you intend to invite her to come visit at your house with her daughtrt since she's such a good friend of his and you'd like to meet her, and watch him freak out.

[ParisPaulette]

I'd say goodbye to someone doing what your boyfriend does like this: "You know what? It has been bothering me for a long time that X keeps giving you gifts and stuff and pays your phone bill and you are more than okay with that. Your lack of integrity and willingness to use another human being for personal gain has been putting me off and after much thought I've decided to end things. Good luck and no I'm not taking you back. Goodbye."

 

Deliver said message whatever way you feel is best or easiest for you. Then block and delete him and don't look back. He is either using her financially or they are a couple and you're the side piece, but just assume it's the first and let him figure out he done elfed up. Run like the wind, then go examine why you didn't dump him the moment you got wind of all of that, because that is seriously messed up.