My Close Friend Hates My Boyfriend and He Hates Her. What Do I Do?

[KaraBeth]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost six months now. The first time my friend and boyfriend met, they instantly started insulting each other, and things got pretty personal. Now they will both flat out say how they hate each other, but my boyfriend has been careful of my feelings so he won't say it as strongly, but I can tell that it hurt. When they were arguing, I had never seen him act like that before. I've known him since 7th grade and I'm a junior in high school now. My friend, she didn't get to see the guy I've fallen for, instead she saw this awkward guy who she wanted to pick on and who was rude to her. I love both of them and I don't want to loose them, but I can't take the constant insults of my friend. It makes me feel terrible that they hate each other, I'm even considering that breaking up with him would be the best way to go. Even though that would be so incredibly painful for me. What do I do? Do I break up with my boyfriend? Do I tell my friend to back off? I'm so desperate I don't want to lose either of them, I'm coming here asking for help. So if any of you have had this happen to you before, I could use your help.

Thank you so much =^-^=

-Kara Beth

Rela

[DanZee]

Well, you guys are still very young and there probably will be future boyfriends. I would advise trying to keep them apart. Don't invite your girlfriend along with your boyfriend to hang out or go somewhere. Invite other friends instead. She may feel jealous or that he's taking you away from her and you usually can't patch things up between the two of them. Don't force them to be together if they don't like each other..

[RedDress]

My advice would be to start with a conversation. Pull each of them aside (separately) and say to them something like this:

 

"I understand that the two of you don't really like each other. That's ok. You don't have to like everyone that (I date/am friends with). That said, you are both very important to me and it hurts me very much when you insult each other or talk bad about each other. Out of respect for ME - can you please stop doing that? I don't want to have to choose between you two but this situation is very hurtful to me"

 

Then the ball is in their court. Don't try to force them together or to interact. But if either of them won't let it go - that is the person you drop. (For example if your friend keeps insulting your bf, drop the friend and vice versa). The "loser" is the one who disrespects YOU by continuing to behave badly and not respect your wishes. Frankly, you don't need someone in your life who is doing hurtful things to you after you've told them how much it hurts.