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I’m fragile.

 

I’m so fragile that sometimes I hurt myself on purpose. I cut my hands open like they were in a need of a surgery when in reality they’re not. I like the pain the cuts make; I like the way the blood tribbles out of the wounds and runs down my arms; somehow it makes me feel safe again. Hurting myself makes me feel safer and calmer.

 

I’m so fragile that I cry myself to sleep and hope to never wake up again. I cry in the shower and I cry in my room when my parents are in the living room watching TV-shows thinking I’m okay. They should think again because I’m way less than okay, I’m sinking and drowning into my own sadness but they don’t see it. I don’t want them to see it, they would only make it worse.

 

I’m so fragile that I stay awake until it’s light again so I wont dream about that certain someone or about things I can’t never have.

 

I’m so fragile that I smile and laugh as if I was the happiest human on Earth. They don’t know that I hurt myself, cry everytime I’m alone, feel like I want to die. They don’t know and they wont know because I plan to stay fake-smiling and laughing as long as they believe it.

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I'm sorry to hear this. Here's what WebMD says: "When teens feel sad, distressed, anxious, or confused, the emotions might be so extreme that they lead to acts of self-injury (also called cutting, self-mutilation, or self-harm). Most teens who inflict injury on themselves do so because they are experiencing stress and anxiety."

 

You can read more here: .

 

You should realize that a lot of girls cut and that it's a coping mechanism. It actually works for a little while. But it's not a solution. You are experiencing real stress and anxiety.

 

A lot of adults may misunderstand why you cut. You probably need to talk to someone at school who understands this and can talk you through this. They would try to find out the cause of your stress. Are you being bullied by someone? Are you being abused, either physically or mentally. Is a teacher assigning too much homework? Are you just not good in a certain subject (I still don't get trigonometry or why I had to study it)? Are your parents putting too much pressure on you?

 

Cutting can lead to more serious things, like drinking, drugs, abusive relationships, even suicide, so you should find someone to talk to. Since it's summer, maybe you can get out of the house, go sit on a beach or somewhere in the sun (that makes you feel good too) stay at grandma's or someone who loves you until school starts. There should be someone in school who can usually help. But if you can't hang on that long, see if there's a teen center or family community center in your town.

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