What do you think?

[ahd15]

It's my exs birthday. She broke up with me and is now dating another guy. I still have her things at my place and her dog is there too.

A few days back I told her I loved her and to reach out to me if something changes but I dont really want friendship or small talk.

She got mad at me a week ago because she sent me a message telling me she'll pay for the dogs food which never even crossed my mind and I told her to stop reaching out to me about stuff like that as I've told her once before I don't want to chat unless she wants to hang out. As a matter of fact I'd love to keep the dog since my dog and hers became good friends.

 

Here's what I said:

Babe I'm ok that you left. It had to happen. I don't resent you for it. I won't put up with you acting like I'm a selfish a hole though. I care about you and always will so when you tell me you'll pay me for my help it's it's like everything I've been telling you our whole relationship about what you meant to me went in one ear and out the other. I never lied to you. Keep your stuff here take it when you're ready. Let me know and I won't be here. I always wanted to help you and be your rock but i approached it the wrong way. Lesson learned. You're beautiful smart sexy and unforgettable but I'm not gonna keep you in my life if you don't want to be in it and I don't want to be in yours while you're with someone or don't want me. I don't chase. Never have. I know you've had bad experiences but that's not my style. If I showed weakness it was because I never had anyone distrust me they way you did and I realize its not your fault. I didn't know how to deal with and you were important to me. Now I know I can't push sht like that it's gotta happen on its own. If anything changes and you want to hang out reach out and if I'm available I'd love to hear from you but small talk and friend zone is not where I want to be with you. I loved every second we spent together even the rough ones. Ill send you a picture of Timber every few days so you know he's ok. I love you and I wish you the best.

 

should I reach out or wait for another day? I don't want her to think I forgot but on the other hand I meant what I said.

[Knight2001]

hi,

firstly i would stop being so nice to her. have you bagged up her stuff? if not i would certainly do it now. take your time over it so you dont miss anything. once its bagged up put it somewhere out of site - spare room? garage? wherever - just get it out of your sight.

next, the dog, are you serious about wanting to keep it? if she was so concerned about the dog she wouldnt have left him/her with you.

last, but not least, dont contact her again.

if/when she contacts you for her stuff (dont engage conversation about anything else) tell her it will be in the front garden/round the back/wherever so she can collect it. and i would ask her then about the dog, but my guess is you will be able to keep it.

good luck, stay strong and focus on yourself.

[ahd15]

Thanks for the reply. Here's the dilemma.

She will definitely reach out to have me send a picture of her dog to her so I should nip it in the butt and send her one first. She doesn't have a solid place to stay so she has nowhere to put her stuff from what she says. All her stuff is in the garage and she has a key to my place. She probably thinks I know where she's staying which is the crazy part. I have no idea and dont care. Never wondered. If I was a betting man I'd say with her new guy but it doesnt matter.

 

If I keep the dog theres no guarantee that she won't reach out to me in the future to check on him. I love this girl but I don't want to be a backup or a buddy.

[Andrina]

You're preventing closure by remaining in contact and promising to send photos of the dog. She chose to end things versus doing everything in her power to work things out. A person who runs away from problems is a high risk for your heart. And she so easily moved on to another man, and you're still willing to take her back whenever the whim strikes her, even though you say she didn't trust you, without warrant, when you were together.

 

Your message to her reeks of your status as a doormat. When that's what you act as, people will scrape their muddy shoes all over you. Here's what a man who values himself would have said: For my own good, I have to go no contact. I have your items boxed up and you have until Friday to pick them up. When you text me with the date and time, I will set the box outside of the door. If you don't pick them up, I will drop the box at Goodwill. Be assured I will take good care of the dog, but visitation will be out of the question because I need to move on. I wish you the best.

 

When you learn to value yourself, you will attract, and be attracted to, other women who will be a better risk for your heart. You don't take back people who throw you away. You're not a yo-yo. Past history predicts the future. If they dumped you once, they most likely will do it again. She did you a favor by ending it when you chose not to, even when she treated you poorly. Use the gift of being free by working on yourself and preparing for a brighter future. Good luck.

[LonelyJedi]

She broke up with you... she is now dating someone else.

 

Two big signs that she doesn't want to talk to you or try to work things out.

I agree, stop being so nice to her. I understand how you feel though, I did the same thing. Although I didn't reach out to my ex directly, I was far too accommodating & nice during the horrible break-up.

 

Go NC completely. Don't let this person walk all over you. She broke up with you, you owe her NOTHING... despite her circumstances.

[ahd15]

The thing is that maybe she did do everything in her power to work things out and I wasnt seeing it. Either way I don't view my help as being a doormat but as the decent thing to do. If she has no where to put her stuff why would I go out of my way to make it harder for her. I'm cool it doesn't bother me.

I didn't fall in to depression or start drinking excessively. I used this to better myself and honestly I feel like a million bucks now because I'm walking away knowing what I didn't and being in better shape mentally and physically.

I think actions speak louder that words. I meant what I said and I am gonna stick to it. If I sounded sappy or weak Oh well it doesnt matter at this point anyway.

[ahd15]

I guess I got the answer I needed. No birthday wishes haha. I just thought it would be nice but it is going against what I said hense the conflict.