Lunch ara Posted July 31, 2017 Share Posted July 31, 2017 My dear reader, I wanted to start by letting you know that I love you and I want an answer as if you were in my position, preferably men and women 29 years and up. I am engaged to a girl, we have been together for two years. I love her more than anything has ever stepped in this planet or the universe. She is spontaneous person and innocent. She sometimes tell me that I have bad smell of anything that you would find embarrassing to tell anyone. She also loves me and I am aware of that because she does efforts for me too. Recently we are traveling to Mexico for tourism. Two days ago, she said to me that I am an average man like other people ( that's fine if I heard it from other people, but her comment made me think why would she want a child from someone who isn't special and mr.average). She indicated to some of people that I know as handsome and I started having feelings of fire on my chest but I managed to hide that since I don't want her to lie or pretend or even close up. In my past, I have been with different women, I have lied and was lied to I know during that time life is a fair place. I have been with more than 40 women and I am ashamed of that fact. When I met her, I have told her everything about me honestly. I have even told her that I had sex with three of her friends ( if you would call me stupid go ahead, but her innocent made me feel that my chest is heavy if I dare to lie to her). She hated that fact but we managed to get throw. At that time, which was two years ago we were talking about our past. She indicated that she was raped by someone she met and have had several times and told me that she kissed my friend. Time has passed, and yesterday we were talking about past as well. But she confessed that she was not raped but she wanted to but regret it later. She knew that person had a lover but she did it anyway not once but more than that. When she told me that my throat became dry, I could feel my chest was empty as if a sword has stroke me from my back, and every breath I had was too cold for my chest. I felt a great of mixed feelings ( anger / anxiety / sadness / frustration ) I have never felt this way before, we hugged each others that night and the light was off and I could hear her breath and feel her heart beats I feel sad for two years that I was doing my best and pleasing a lair who I thought was innocent. Since I can't complain about this to my friends ( a man role is to be tough and not cry which is a fact that I hate dearly ) I wanted honest answers. I am in a middle of a trip and I don't know what to do. I can't just leave her there and I don't want to ruin her fun. What would you suggest about the current state? Please share me your experience and thoughts. Link to comment
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