I read her diary.

[Shizz88]

My gf would tell me how her boss would subtley hit on her and how it made her feel uncomfortable. I told her that's what men do and she would have to learn how to handle it with class and tact and if it gets out of hand, I'll take care of it. Fast forward to a weekend I'm out of town that he asks her to dinner to discuss a business proposition outside the company. They discuss them he invites her to join him and some frienda bar hopping. She does....until 4AM and ignoring my calls the whole time. She called me on her way home and told me where she had been and with whom but it was strictly innocent and she just wanted to hang out because she hadnt in a while. Things for really rocky and we were done a month later. She said she hasn't been happy for a while and thsts why she did it but assured me this guy meant NOTHING.

Fast forward 2+ years and we've been in/out of contact. She has expressed wanting to be together and that's she's grown from her experiences and sorry she hurt me. We've been spending more time together and noticing some positive changes with each other.

One night we briefly talk about a couple bad dating experiences we had and made light of them. I know she journals and became very curious about if she dated her boss because I always felt it was more there than she lead on.

Well....turns out she got into a romantic relationship with him after me. I was drunk one night and asked her about him and she was ADAMANT that she hasn't dated or anything at all with him.

 

Ok, now i have a real issue because I KNOW she's lying. Truth is what she decided to do after us is her business, as mine was. HOWEVER, if she always liked this guy then that changes her intent to premeditated and not some random thing as she expressed.

 

Also, how do you take interest, date and screw a guy who you had no interest UNLESS you always had some interest. In my book this points to her being a list. Even if she didn't like him then, how disrespectful to me to allow herself to engage in a relationship with him or all people?

Need some advice. She's told me she made a mistake that night but continues to lie about what happened after which makes me question her original intent.

 

We're on the cusp of reconciling. Do I say tell her what I know or just build toward the future? It's hard keeping this under my cap!

[Unreasonable]

If you know what's good for you, leave it alone. I'd be surprised if she didn't dump you immediately for this gross violation of privacy. Also, being attracted to someone isn't a sin. Acting out on it is. And she didn't. Not until you were done. Frankly what she did with him after you were done is none of your business. If you want to be with this girl, don't even THINK of bringing this up, and consider how this makes you feel as a just punishment for sticking your nose where it didn't belong. Reading someone's diary is bound to uncover SOMETHING upsetting. Never do that again.

[nutbrownhare]

You read her diary, and you're complaining about her being disrespectful to you for dating him when you two weren't actually together...?

 

Man, you really need to get a handle on what respect actually means... one of the things it doesn't mean is that you are entitled to pry into her most private feelings and thoughts (a.k.a. mental rape); another one is that you look at her the way she is in the here and now, not whether she dated some guy two years ago when you weren't together - when it was none of your business in the first place.

 

What happened two years ago, or who she fancied two years ago, is neither here nor there. It's nothing to do with you, and should have no more bearing on your current relationship than any other past partners - yours or hers. People in committed relationships lie when it isn't safe to tell the truth, and you've amply demonstrated this in your post. You genuinely don't seem to realise you've done anything wrong.

 

I think you should tell her, so whatever she does, she does in the full knowledge of the kind of guy you are. Otherwise, you're as guilty of covering up the truth as she is - with the proviso that your action is a recent one, not old history.