Can't Stop Overthinking in My Relationship.

[BOo533842]

Hi All,

 

I have been in a relationship with my gf for the past 7 months now. On the whole I think things are going reasonably well.

 

I just have a few issues in my head that are really getting to me. In the past she admitted to keeping in touch with some ex boyfriends but it is nothing more than friendship, which I totally believe but can't shake the insecure feeling that she is keeping her options open.

 

I also notice that when I send her a text in the morning around 10am she was active on FB messenger 5 hours ago. Admittedly she is a poor sleeper and always has been.

 

She can also be very cold but has a lot going on due to her caring role for her alcoholic sister. So she can be in a mood when we meet up but I don't take this personally. I just feel that she could pull the plug on the relationship at any time and it is very hard to shake the feeling.

 

Yes she does call, text etc but I still cannot shake the insecure and paranoid feeling. I have tried raising it with her and I think she is gaining insight into my insecurity. I just hope I can resolve this before my fears come true.

[Ben9394]

I know exactly how you feel, my ex was on and off with her ex multiple times before she met me, and even when we were together hed try and contact her. She never replied but she would never delete the messages/block his number because she felt sorry for him (drug, family problems ect) i constantly felt on edge, like am i going to wake up and see a text off him on her phone.

I was exactly the same, brushed all my feelings to the side and tried to forget about it and tell myself im over reacting because i didnt have the guts to confront her about it and cause an argument.

All i can say to you brother is if you love her and trust her then think no more of it, if she says she loves you and only you give her the benefit of the doubt, but if your gut feeling is you dont trust her you need to talk about it, you cannot do this to yourself making yourself feel like you arent good enough for her it will eat away at you and make the situation alot worse. If she cares about you she will understand why you have brought it up, but all i can say from my experience ive just been through is its better to find out sooner rather than later, if it works out in your favour and she is as mature as you it will be forgotten about and you will carry on, and im sorry if this sounds harsh but if the conversation doesnt turn out how youd hope then there is nothing you could have done to change how she feels and putting yourself through the pain is not worth it. No one ever deserves to feel not good enough for someone who means the world to you.

Best of luck i know exactly how you feel

[Andrina]

If you are upset more than happy in a relationship, it means it's not the right one for you. You've only been together 7 months. Why are you sacrificing yourself by staying with someone who is regularly cold and in a mood? Caring for an alcoholic is enabling that person. It's her choice to do that, but it doesn't mean, no matter the reason, you should accept a partner treating you like this. And it's best to choose someone who shares your relationship boundaries. If you don't want a woman staying in touch with exes, find someone who doesn't.

 

People subconsciously choose a partner they think they deserve. Your self esteem is lacking, because you've chosen someone who treats you coldly and puts emotional time and energy into exes. When you've worked on attaining a healthy self esteem, you will only accept a partner who treats you like gold. Take care of yourself, because nobody has your back but you.

[TulipTrees]

Keep in mind that the alcoholic sister will be in your lives and mkaong trouble forever forever, and if you are not willing to be with a GF who is often Moody and has family troubles, then this is not the right girl for you. There is already a lot of drama in this relationship that you don't like so you might want to let this go and find a girl who doesn't make you nervous.

[BOo533842]

Thanks so much for feedback. I would always be an over thinker and quite anxious. I can mask this very well up to a certain point. I know I'm an over thinker and I'm glad that I have some reassurance that what I feel is perfectly normal and not irrational. It's just hard because she ticks so many boxes for me and I really want it to work despite these issues.