My lesbian ex girlfriend is looking for a man

[Brodey]

I'm so confused and could use everyone's help. I'm 39, my ex of 3 months is a 44. We are both women and have dated women our entire lives. She broke it off with me and told me she was in a relationship w a woman for 8 years and before that one for 6 years and she wants it to be all about her right now and find out who she is. We ended very well, chatted a few times after our breakup as friends. I decided it was time to move on so I joined a dating site. Been talking to a few women. Been good, felt closure, and moving forward.

 

I decided to sign onto my match account because I'm getting more serious about finding someone for me. But there was that hope deep down she still loved me as a person. After all she was honest and we ended well.

 

When I signed onto match I noticed her profile. She is now looking for a man! I'm in complete shock, at 44 I guess she is changing gears? She's catholic and it's difficult for her family to accept her so I figured maybe she was trying to just find happiness and make her life easier. But to be honest I'm heartbroken she wasn't honest with me when we broke up. I thought she respected me as a person and now I'm questioning how long she's felt this way. It hurts to know she wasn't honest and I'm very hurt.

 

Part of me wants to reach out and acknowledge how difficult of a time she must have had with all of this. And let her know I would always be her friend. The other part of me wants to question her and ask if she lied to me to avoid hurting me, or for whatever reason.

 

I am completely shocked! I'm moving forward with my own life but I'm so crushed. I know if we have any chance for friendship that I would want to know if she felt she had to lie. Please help me make sense of this!!! She said she wanted to be alone but two months later she's looking for a man? Hurts.

[Snny]

She broke it off with me and told me she was in a relationship w a woman for 8 years and before that one for 6 years and she wants it to be all about her right now and find out who she is.

This woman wants zero commitment. The fact she ended two very long term relationships are a glaring red flag. Definitely avoid this one. You saved yourself a lot of heartache if you only dated her for three months compared to her last partners of several years.

 

She's catholic and it's difficult for her family to accept her so I figured maybe she was trying to just find happiness and make her life easier.

I'm bisexual and Catholic. I have two family members who identify themselves as gay and lesbian, and grew up Catholic (one of them died from AIDS, the other converted to Judaism because my aunt was neurotic). It may not be accepted in the faith based on the Bible, but several catholic congregations are now being more welcoming toward people who are LGBT (thank you Pope Francis)

 

I wouldn't blame Catholicism on hiding sexuality so much these days. How she handles her family is her business.

 

Part of me wants to reach out and acknowledge how difficult of a time she must have had with all of this. And let her know I would always be her friend.

Unfortunately, the friendship door is closed. You will always be her ex. It is almost impossible to be friends with an ex because of past histories and unresolved feelings. Friendships with exes are extremely rare for this reason. You will do more harm to yourself if you keep her as a friend. It's clear you haven't totally moved in from her yet and should not be in contact with her until you're come to full terms with it.

[MissCanuck]

I agree with Snny. Trying to be friends right now is not a good idea, given that you still have feelings for her.

 

As for your ex looking for a man, well, that could be for any number of reasons. Perhaps she's genuinely curious and has a desire she's never explored. Or maybe she's always been attracted to men too. Like you said, she could also be looking for a more "socially-accepted" partnership and doesn't want to hear any more from her family about her sexual orientation.

 

Whatever her reasoning, I would not reach out. I understand it hurts a lot, but I don't think contacting her is going to bring you the answers you seek.

[Brodey]

This woman wants zero commitment. The fact she ended two very long term relationships are a glaring red flag. Definitely avoid this one. You saved yourself a lot of heartache if you only dated her for three months compared to her last partners of several years.

 

 

I'm bisexual and Catholic. I have two family members who identify themselves as gay and lesbian, and grew up Catholic (one of them died from AIDS, the other converted to Judaism because my aunt was neurotic). It may not be accepted in the faith based on the Bible, but several catholic congregations are now being more welcoming toward people who are LGBT (thank you Pope Francis)

 

I wouldn't blame Catholicism on hiding sexuality so much these days. How she handles her family is her business.

 

 

Unfortunately, the friendship door is closed. You will always be her ex. It is almost impossible to be friends with an ex because of past histories and unresolved feelings. Friendships with exes are extremely rare for this reason. You will do more harm to yourself if you keep her as a friend. It's clear you haven't totally moved in from her yet and should not be in contact with her until you're come to full terms with it.

 

Great news everyone I actually deleted her from all social media and have realized that it's better and healthy. Discovered some weird thing on Match she was actually looking for a woman maybe she didn't notice the error. However it's evident now and I'm moving on. It's better to wish people well and like someone said above know she's an ex. I'm thankful for the experience and wish her well.

[Brodey]

I agree with Snny. Trying to be friends right now is not a good idea, given that you still have feelings for her.

 

As for your ex looking for a man, well, that could be for any number of reasons. Perhaps she's genuinely curious and has a desire she's never explored. Or maybe she's always been attracted to men too. Like you said, she could also be looking for a more "socially-accepted" partnership and doesn't want to hear any more from her family about her sexual orientation.

 

Whatever her reasoning, I would not reach out. I understand it hurts a lot, but I don't think contacting her is going to bring you the answers you seek.

 

Thank you so much everyone