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I have feelings for my ex AND his best friend?


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Hi everybody. I am in a bit of a sticky situation right now and I would appreciate it if I could get some outside opinions.

I dated a guy for a month, from February to March. I fell for him really fast and we were crazy about each other. We had so much in common and we just clicked. I was happier in that month than I'd ever been before in my life. I really began to love him. He broke up with me because "he couldn't be in a relationship right now" but said "this doesn't mean we can't get back together." Believe me, I was heartbroken. I cried for months and I couldn't stop thinking about him. Even in June, I was still upset over what happened. I had been really attached to him. The whole time we were broken up I couldn't help feeling that it wasn't final, we had to get back together. Somehow. I prayed for this boy to change his mind.

We were friendly in school, but once school ended I didn't really hear from him because his dad took his phone away. I decided I couldn't be sad anymore and worked towards moving on. I still cared for him deeply, but I thought about him less because he wasn't present in my life. Now, here is where the conflict enters. In the beginning of July, his best friend messaged me on Instagram. While my ex and I were dating, my ex had made a group chat with us and his best friend in it because he wanted me to get to know his friend. At first, our conversations were purely jokes and we didn't speak anything of substance. But then, we started talking about songwriting and our conversations became serious. During this time when I first started seriously talking to him, my parents found out I had been raped last year. This was an incredibly difficult time for me and my family and I started slipping into depression again. I told my ex's friend about what had happened and he was my shoulder to cry on. He was probably the only person who was there for me and listened to me. At the same time, we started falling for each other. I figured my ex didn't care about me anymore and wouldn't be bothered if I was talking to his best friend. I didn't even know if we would date because my ex's friend lives in a different state than us. But talking to him made me feel happy when nothing else did.

NOW this is where the situation gets sticky. On Tuesday my ex called me. He told me straight off the bat "I still love you." He knew that I had been talking to his friend and his friend had told him that he liked me. He told me not to date his friend and said that if I did he would be incredibly hurt. We spent an hour talking, reminiscing, catching up, laughing together like old times. He said he had feelings for me still but he was confused about emotions and didn't want to be in a relationship. He said maybe one day we can start over.

When I got off the phone, I was kind of sad that I couldn't date the new guy I had fallen for, but I understood why and I didn't want to hurt my ex. Talking to him made me miss him again and it opened up old wounds.

Now, fast forward to last night. My ex calls me and says, "You can date my friend, I don't care anymore. I want you guys to be happy." I told him I didn't want to hurt him and he said it doesn't affect him. He said he loves me but he can't see us being together right now. I don't know how he can go to feeling hurt about us two being together to not caring. It makes me feel like he really does care but he realizes he can't tell us what to do.

Now I'm frustrated and confused. I had been moving on from my ex but he called me and roped me back in. And I do genuinely care for the new guy and I know he likes me a lot, but if I date him there's no chance I'll ever be with my ex again. If my ex loves me like he says he does, I don't understand why we can't be together. I thought about just telling both of them we should just be friends, but I feel like every time I'm "just friends" with a guy we aren't really friends and he kind of just forgets about me. I care about both of them a lot but I just want to be happy. I thought I would be happy with a new boyfriend but that was before my ex entered the picture and got me confused about my feelings. Now I can't get my ex out of my mind. And I don't want to be in a relationship with someone if I'm still hung up over his best friend, but at the same time, if my ex doesn't want to get back together right now, I think I should just move on. I'm really at a crossroads here. If anyone can give me some guidance I would gladly appreciate it.

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I thought about just telling both of them we should just be friends,
I vote for this.

Actually, I'll tell you to forget both of them and move on. You don't want to be passed from mutual friend to mutual friend like a hot potato.

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I kind of see it this way, if you like the second guy, then go for it. Definitely forget about the first one. He is dangling a carrot about getting together "some day". Some day is now, and he broke up with you in March. It is now almost August. You can't sit around and wait for something that may never happen. The second guy is in another state, though. Are you OK with a long distance relationship? If not, move on. If yes, why not see how it goes? You seem to like him, and he isn't running away like the first one. Forget the first one, he has hurt and confused you enough.

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