honey․ Today my Man admitted that I'm a drag.

[molomajola]

Today my Man admitted that I'm a drag. He said everytime he wants to step out I ask him where he going or with who. I ask him questions that make him regret even saying he's going out. However, when I step out he asks me who I'm going with and what I'm going to be doing. Problem is everytime I open my mouth to express how I feel he sees it as me complaining he sees me as a negative voice in his life. Imagine how much i hurt hearing him say this i feel like my soul cracked. Like this Man does not see me, he sees a dictator/a middle aged housewife that's obsessive.

 

The problem is me basically, whenever he wants to step out. However I have never verbally stopped him from doing so..... yet he automatically rejects invites from his friends with the mind that I will automatically become defensive or give a 'negative' answer.

 

When I step out he seems to have no problem. But tonight was the breaking point. Tonight he made it clear that I was his problem. Like I am the reason he can't see his friends (although I always ask him when I want to see mine). Tonight was the first time he made me feel like this relationship was a prison not a Love nest.

 

Tonight was the confirmation that he sees me as a 'moaning '. I never argue with him I never raise my voice but I cry, I cry and he sees it, but now it's got to a point where he thinks my tears are just for show. I'm not a vocal or loud person. I expressed to him that when I express how I feel I'm not complaining however he just took it the opposite way.

 

I'm at a point where I feel like even if I tell my Partner how I feel. It makes no difference, because he thinks I'm just nagging/controlling/cry baby.

I'm basically facing a dead end.

[ThatwasThen]

If he complains that you interrogate him when he's going out, then why don't you just tell him to let you know where he's going, with whom and when he'll be home WHENEVER he's going out? That way you won't have to interrogate him every time. It's only common courtesy for your spouse/partner to let you know the basics. If he wants to have no one to answer to then he shouldn't have paired up with anyone.

 

As for you crying all the time.. well that can get old if you're crying more times then you're not when you have a discussion.

 

I see two people at fault in this unhappy marriage which I'm sorry to hear. Does he ever take you out, show you that he values you? What do you do to show him that you value and appreciate him?

 

What aren't the two of you doing now that you did when you first started dating? Do you have date nights?

 

I think at this point you would do well to see a marital therapist together and if he won't go with you then you go alone. Perhaps airing everything out to a psychologist will help you to be able to communicate so that he doesn't see it as nagging, it might help you to express yourself without crying and it even may help you with your self-worth so that you have the strength to leave someone that didn't value your relationship enough to try and fix it with you.

[melancholy123]

Maybe it's not WHAT you say to him but HOW you say it to him when he wants to go out with his buddies. If you start crying or sound like you are interrogating him, well he's not going to want to have to deal with you at all. So it's easier for him to stay home, which he probably doesnt really want to do.

 

If he would just say, without you asking, - I am going out with Bob for an hour to visit Steve and will be back at 11 - that'd make life so much easier for both of you. Have you tried that?

 

i think both of you would benefit from some marriage counselling to learn ho to communicate with each other.

[j.man]

This is a post where I really feel like a lot of context is missing. Granted this is assumption, but I'm getting the vibe that your inquisition is going far beyond his. e.g. you're stepping out the door and he asks in a general sense "hey, where you going?" and he steps out the door and you want the attendance roster and precise locations. Again, not saying that's how it is, just impression I got.

 

And you cry? C'mon now. You're a grown ass adult crying when your guy goes out? You may not be yelling at him, but crying when he does go out definitely falls under an emotional manipulation which really isn't any better than flat out shouting him out.

[mandeelove]

Did he ever cheat on you or do you have trust issues? I cant see this being your normal behavior. Something had to set you off.