Awkward situation with girl showing attraction

[RIPDIME]

Recently I joined a band, and there's a girl in the band. I wouldn't make anything out of it but since I haven't had a girlfriend for a year and a half etc, and have been getting pretty desperate, I've started to talk with more girls and have started reading more material on attraction and courtship. Due to my knowledge, I've noticed that whenever we hang out she gives me what traditionally would be called, 'signs'--she compliments me on my clothing or hair, and this has happened many times. She's put her head on my shoulder, and she's said things like, 'you're a good listener' 'I'm glad we can take it slow' and 'I sometimes wonder if I should be single'.

 

On one hand, it really seems like she's not in the best relationship for her and it seems natural that someone could be at the end of a bad relationship and looking for something new. On the other hand, I don't want to create a rift, or 'destroy' a relationship, so taking it slow, if I was to 'pursue' her seems like a reasonable thing to do. For a while I felt in love with her and started picturing a family or even dreaming about her and all of those feelings when you 'fall in love', but I started rationalizing that these were just ruby glasses, and I should think through this carefully without making rash decisions, telling myself that there are lots of fish in the sea.

 

Unfortunately, I don't really know what to do at this point. I know that attraction is something that can fade if someone else doesn't show interest, and I wonder if I don't say certain things or show signs myself, she may lose interest, and I could lose a potentially valuable relationship. On the other hand, I'm willing to wait and do nothing and just act like a guy in the band or a friend, because worst of all, I could make a move and she could actually say she's not interested.

 

Anything I can say or do now? How does one approach something so strange?

[HeartGoesOn]

And the world could end tomorrow...

 

Take a risk, life is short.

[1a1a]

Be ready for the band to end if you pursue it though. Bringing that kind of dynamic into a band setting sucks for the rest of us.

[Keyman]

You posted this same thing two weeks ago. And this seems to be exactly the same issue. She is flirting ith you while she is in a relationship, whether a good one or not. She is showing how she is in a relationship. If she is not into him she should break up with him, not just flirt with you in the background.

[Cope]

Aw man, never with a band member!

[RIPDIME]

I'm just not sure what to do. I really feel tired of feeling so sad and lonely and longing for a person, and not knowing what is going on in her mind kills me. We were going to jam alone, but this never works out or she cancels etc. I posted this twice because last time some guy just said this was a bad idea. I have no parents to talk to and no one to give me honest advice, but I can't keep going on with such uncertainty. I don't have a place or time to bluntly say 'I like you' and can't imagine what being rejected would do to me. I treat her normal now, but I know that that's killing the attraction, but how can I be certain those signs mean what they mean, and how can I figured out if I truly have a chance?

[RIPDIME]

You posted this same thing two weeks ago. And this seems to be exactly the same issue. She is flirting ith you while she is in a relationship, whether a good one or not. She is showing how she is in a relationship. If she is not into him she should break up with him, not just flirt with you in the background.

She could be testing the waters to see if I respond, but what should I be responding with?

[Keyman]

Honestly, I wouldn't go for it. Your desperation is probably making see things more than they are. And it is also probably a grande reason why girls might be staying away.

 

What i the problem with being single for a year and a half anyway? Sounds like you are unhappy with who you are and are hoping to make yourself feel better with a girlfriend.

[Myxoetech]

So awkward! Just try to be a friend of her and sometimes avoid her if you want to.LOL

[RainyCoast]

"i'm desperate" and "she pursues while taken"

 

is a no brainer.

 

you treat her as any other band member.

[RIPDIME]

I don't know why I ask for advice on here. How can one not be desperate, I really don't get it. If all you wanted was food but couldn't get it, how would you feel? A year and a half and not having sex for a year sucks and makes one feel useless. Should I spend the small remaining amount of my 20s repressing who I fall in love with, or chop off my penis? It's not my fault that I pick up on some pretty obvious signs, but its pretty obvious to me now I won't be asking for help here, unless I want a few word responses that make things even more confusing. FML.

[1a1a]

That feeling of longing does make it harder to attract people (if they can sense you need them to fill a hole, it's overwhelming). You kinda just have to fake self sufficience until you make it (puts up hand, I am doing this at the moment).

 

You totally deserve love, but you can do better than wishy washy bandmate. I believe it might be time to set yourself the challenge of getting in social interaction with new people, perhaps by signing up for a new hobby or few that will bring you into contact with like minded people. (Maybe someone of those people are friends you haven't met yet, maybe some of them are the next great romance).