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Hey,

 

Not really looking for 'advice' as such as I already know the answer but just need a place to vent!

 

Long story cut short. I've had a 'crush' on one of the trainers at the gym for quite some time now. As time has gone on he's dropped many hints that he's attracted to me too but neither of us have ever pushed it - I can't speak for him but I've not wanted to put him in a situation where it might make him feel like he's crossing the 'professional' boundary. He talks to me about everything and has confided in me about some difficult times he's been through in his life. He's genuinely one of the loveliest people I've ever met!

 

A mutual friend caught on to the fact there was something between us when she saw us together and basically ended up giving him my number, making it quite clear I was interested. She said he was clearly interested...but he's done absolutely nothing about it!

 

I avoided him for a little while for fear of making him (and me) feel uncomfortable. Then when I did see him he didn't mention the number, but kept telling me how something's going on at work at the minute, his boss seems to have it in for him and he's trying really hard to be professional. Whilst telling me he's trying to be professional he also kept squeezing my arm and continuing to make flirty comments - therefore kind of making it clear he is interested? Or maybe I'm wrong. He's definitely not a player... if anything he's quite the opposite. Pretty introvert and seems a little lost in life.

 

Like I said, not really looking for answers as I know I have to leave it alone. I am just incredibly frustrated because he is the nicest guy I have met in a long time and (I feel) there is something between us which is a shame to waste. But anyway... I'm a pretty independent person and I'm enjoying living my life etc. I just REALLY REALLY like him!!

 

Rant over! Thank you to anyone who got this far....!

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He has your number, your friend has played match maker and he's still not asking you out.

 

Sorry...

 

Just go about your gym business and do your best to get yourself more indifferent to him. He knows you're game if he wants to make the move.

Normally I'd tell you to just ask him out to coffee or something when his shift is over but since your friend butted in and gave him your number, and he's not using it, I'll not recommend you do the initiating.

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He has your number, your friend has played match maker and he's still not asking you out.

 

Sorry...

 

Just go about your gym business and do your best to get yourself more indifferent to him. He knows you're game if he wants to make the move.

Normally I'd tell you to just ask him out to coffee or something when his shift is over but since your friend butted in and gave him your number, and he's not using it, I'll not recommend you do the initiating.

 

Don't worry, I'm not planning on initiating anything. I'm just feeling frustrated but I already know there's nothing I can do

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Next time he's squeezing your arm just ask him out for coffee?

 

I feel like he should be asking me out for coffee now that I've put myself out there. Well now that my friend has put me out there I should say!

 

A few people have commented that he lacks a lot of self confidence and is quite shy outside of the gym. But if I've put myself out there and he wanted it enough.... surely he'd do something!

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Maybe his fear of you going out together is keeping him from making use of your number..I mean what if you went out and things worked out, that would make both of you clumsier at the gym since you can't act like a couple there with him working there..He's maybe just afraid his boss will discover the thing going on between you and that might make him lose his job probably..i don't know..but i would wait if i were you, or even distance myself a bit to see what he would do based on the way he feels

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Maybe his fear of you going out together is keeping him from making use of your number..I mean what if you went out and things worked out, that would make both of you clumsier at the gym since you can't act like a couple there with him working there..He's maybe just afraid his boss will discover the thing going on between you and that might make him lose his job probably..i don't know..but i would wait if i were you, or even distance myself a bit to see what he would do based on the way he feels

 

I know...which is why I know i need to let it go. Whatever the reason, the end result is still the same. Nothing is going to happen right now. It's just annoying - I'm in my 30s now and it's not very often that a decent lovely single guy comes along these days!

 

I think he has a difficult relationship with his boss. A few of the other trainers have told me that the boss has taken a bit of a disliking to him and gives him quite a hard time. He just said that work is very stressful at the moment.

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Don't worry, I'm not planning on initiating anything. I'm just feeling frustrated but I already know there's nothing I can do

 

There IS something you can do - ask him out! I know it may sound stupid and contrary to the other opinions here (even more given the fact your friend told him about your crush and gave him your number) but it is a possible option and you'll get straight to the point.

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Okay. YOU didn't put yourself out there. Your friend gave him your number. If a guy brought me his friends number, I would throw it away. If a guy walked up to me and asked me out or gave me his own number, then he'd have my attention.

 

You also said this guy is known to be shy and kind of an introvert, so he may need you to make the first move. You've said you've been pulling away, actually you literally said you've been "running out of the gym when you see him." Seriously? What kind of message does that send? Are you 14 yrs old and running away from the boy you have a crush on?

 

Is there some kind of rule that states if you work at a gym, you can't date anyone that comes into said gym? If that's actually a thing, that seems pretty stupid. But even so, ask him out, if he says yes and you guys like each other, find a new gym. Simple solution.

 

So bottom line, ask him out. The worst thing he could say is "no". And to me, even that would be better than constantly wondering.

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Okay. YOU didn't put yourself out there. Your friend gave him your number. If a guy brought me his friends number, I would throw it away. If a guy walked up to me and asked me out or gave me his own number, then he'd have my attention.

 

You also said this guy is known to be shy and kind of an introvert, so he may need you to make the first move. You've said you've been pulling away, actually you literally said you've been "running out of the gym when you see him." Seriously? What kind of message does that send? Are you 14 yrs old and running away from the boy you have a crush on?

 

Is there some kind of rule that states if you work at a gym, you can't date anyone that comes into said gym? If that's actually a thing, that seems pretty stupid. But even so, ask him out, if he says yes and you guys like each other, find a new gym. Simple solution.

 

So bottom line, ask him out. The worst thing he could say is "no". And to me, even that would be better than constantly wondering

 

I totally get this... but it's not easy to ask somebody out when the only place you see them is their place of work. I am conscious that if I ask him out and he really isn't interested then I could wreck our professional relationship whilst also making him feel very uncomfortable at work.

 

Running away may have been a slight over-exaggeration, but yes I have been pulling away. We have a social event we're both going to in a few weeks so maybe that's more of an opportunity.

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I totally get this... but it's not easy to ask somebody out when the only place you see them is their place of work. I am conscious that if I ask him out and he really isn't interested then I could wreck our professional relationship whilst also making him feel very uncomfortable at work.

 

Running away may have been a slight over-exaggeration, but yes I have been pulling away. We have a social event we're both going to in a few weeks so maybe that's more of an opportunity.

 

An opportunity for what? You said in your original post you knew this situation was a non starter and you were just venting. Make up your mind. Do you want advise or do you want to vent about a hopeless situation?

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An opportunity for what? You said in your original post you knew this situation was a non starter and you were just venting. Make up your mind. Do you want advise or do you want to vent about a hopeless situation?

 

Sorry. I guess I keep hoping it could be less of a hopeless situation. Yes I was just venting.

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