I'd appretiate some outside thoughts on my situation

[foolishsunsets]

Hello,

So I've been dating this guy for two months earlier this year. It was my first attempt at a proper relationship. I had dated someone before, but not long-term. Everything was going wonderful until I had some several issues. Everything literally went downhill, I had to move out of my parents house, had a car crash (lucky for me I wasn't harmed but I had to purchase a new car), switched jobs and had to distance myself from my best friend after she started drifting into the drugworld etc.

He was pretty much what I look for in a man, kind, handsome and intelligent, however he does seem to have some ego issues.

His last relationship ended in a disaster, his girlfriend broke up with him and told him she had never loved him, afterwards he 'regained his self esteem' by sleeping with another girl, they made up and broke up again a couple months later. He is a little insecure sometimes but tries to overcome it by overplaying it and sometimes pushing people's emotional buttons.

I'm normally a very secure person, maybe a little shy, but I know how to stand my ground if I have to but everything that had happened was draining me so I put way to much value onto him instead of working on fixing my own issues. So without noticing it I started jumping through hoops for him and we got into a fight. I had completly lost myself back then and asked him to take me back. After that it was on/off for two more weeks until he ended it for good. I tried reaching out to him shortly after that and he told me to leave him alone. I got upset and unfriended him on facebook to be able to move on etc. A while later he suddenly messaged me saying 'cool photo' after a partyphoto of me and a friend was posted there. After that he started viewing my whatsapp status regularly, sometimes just minutes after I posted it; however he ended up blocking me there out of nowhere? Probably because he didn't want to look at it any longer.

He did tell me when we talked last that it is hard for him too but he just doesn't think it will work out.

So to keep myself from viewing his facebook (and him from keeping tabs on me, because I know he does that...) I blocked him on facebook now. For now I want to focus on healing and getting my life back in order. I'd like to regain my power and independence back from the situation and I don't really want him to just suddenly pop up again, if that makes sense?

I'm going to work the next two months on bettering myself and keep him blocked; I have already started picking up new hobbies; going to the gym regularly again, taking pottery classes; got back in touch with my family (things are going well). I have also gotten a new job and car. I'm also working on building up a better circle of friends.

I am not devastated anymore that things ended... but I really miss him, we texted/talked pretty much all day and I could talk to him about certain topics, that I couldn't even discuss with my close friends. However, I feel like he should have been more considerate about my situation instead of testing my limits...

So I'm going to give both of us space for now and will possibly reach out to him in three months.

I feel like it's a good sign that he did reach out to me that one time, even if it wasn't a proper conversation; so to me it seems like he just said in the head of the argument that he doesn't want to hear from me again... unless I'm overanalyzing. What do you guys think?

[vesper]

It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Please just wait for him to make the next move towards reconcilliation.

[Starlight925]

He doesn't sound like a great guy. You were going through all these things, and instead of trying to understand, he dumped you.

 

I don't like this one bit.

 

Keep him blocked, and stop trying to see if he's looking at anything you post on social media. Find a guy who wants to hear your concerns.

 

He sounds selfish, sorry.

[DancingFool]

He doesn't sound like a great guy. You were going through all these things, and instead of trying to understand, he dumped you.

 

I don't like this one bit.

 

Keep him blocked, and stop trying to see if he's looking at anything you post on social media. Find a guy who wants to hear your concerns.

 

He sounds selfish, sorry.

 

^This. I also am failing to see what makes him so great. He is insecure, he will use people to boost his ego, he dumped you when you were down. This is not good partner material at all. His ex dumping him the way she did, I'd guess there is a whole lot more to that story than the poor little me that he told you about.

 

You are doing great to improve your life and I think a large part of that improvement is the fact that you need to leave this guy behind you. It sounds like you are actually dodging a bullet here.

[foolishsunsets]

You are eventually right. But I did several things wrong too. I was too dependant/needy especially after the breakup and I know that drives any guy away... It was just the wrong timing I think. Usually I'm very independant and don't really care what others think but too much just happened at once for me to cope. I guess we both did things wrong.

My friend who works as a professional photographer offered me to take some pretty pictures of me for my facebook etc. I'll just see whether he gets back in touch. If not I haven't lost anything.

The odd thing is since I blocked him lots of weird things are happening. Lots of random guys messaging me on facebook (one who has a similar name) and anonymous calls on my phone... am I just imagening things?

I'm thinking of eventually going on a couple dates during that time too and go out with friends, it will probably help me get another perspective and figure out if it's really what I want. I definitly wont make it that easy for him to come back into my life.

[DancingFool]

I'm thinking of eventually going on a couple dates during that time too and go out with friends, it will probably help me get another perspective and figure out if it's really what I want. I definitely will NOT let him come back into my life ever again.

 

^Fixed that for you.

[foolishsunsets]

haha you're probably right He was really sweet and caring, offered to help me with maths at one point as I plan to retake my Alevels. He's just so irritating, which is the main reason why I blocked him - I gotta put an end to this, I'm just tired of his games. He would be great if he'd man up, but most how likely are the chances that he'll change...

[DancingFool]

haha you're probably right He was really sweet and caring, offered to help me with maths at one point as I plan to retake my Alevels. He's just so irritating, which is the main reason why I blocked him - I gotta put an end to this, I'm just tired of his games. He would be great if he'd man up, but most how likely are the chances that he'll change...

 

You know....the moment you start saying he would be great if......you know already that you are with the wrong person. Look for a guy where you can say with confidence he is great exactly as is.

 

This guy seems insecure and egotistical and that's never good news. You might find out the hard way why his ex gf resorted to telling him something so harsh - could be so he would quit trolling her and finally leave her alone. I mean if those weird calls and contacts are him, it's really creepy behavior and the opposite of a nice, sane guy. Beware.

[foolishsunsets]

You know....the moment you start saying he would be great if......you know already that you are with the wrong person. Look for a guy where you can say with confidence he is great exactly as is.

 

This guy seems insecure and egotistical and that's never good news. You might find out the hard way why his ex gf resorted to telling him something so harsh - could be so he would quit trolling her and finally leave her alone. I mean if those weird calls and contacts are him, it's really creepy behavior and the opposite of a nice, sane guy. Beware.

 

Probably. I do get a bit of a narcissistic vibe from him, but I'm obviously not a psychologist so who am I to judge. It just feels weird that is all is happening now? To be honest I don't really want to be with a person who only wants me when they can't have me anyway. I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, chances are he might regret it down the road but that's none of my concern.

It is kind of sad to let it go, as I've invested a lot into this, but often it's for the best unless a guy actively makes an effort to prove you he's sorry and worked out his issues we'd probably just fall back into the previous behaviour.

[camwhite18]

Hey yea, you sound like you're easy going and doing all the right things. There are plenty of guys out there. Time heals everything. If he truly wants to be in your life he'll come back into your life.

[foolishsunsets]

Thank you!

We will likely meet at some point anyway as we go to the same gym. I signed up there because one of my friends goes there too and there aint a man stopping me from doing what I want to do. And it drives any guy crazy if you just walk by and smile at him as if nothing happened.

But for now I need to focus on myself, after that everything else will hopefully fall into place.