Back to reality?

[Victoria77]

So I became friends with someone I worked with. He would come up to me every day and complain about his wife- how she wouldn't come home, ridiculed him and the things he was interested like video games and shows and such, and even described times where she verbally and physically abused him and he got to the point where he wanted a divorce. Apparently they got married very young and it was his first relationship. We started hanging out because I wanted to be a caring friend, but we instantly made a connection. By the second date we were kissing, and before I knew it he was spending several weekends in a row at my house. We grew extremely close, telling each other all about our childhoods, our pasts, our dark secrets and our hopes and dreams. He considered me his girlfriend and told me he loved me and wanted to be with me a long time. We did everything together, laughed togetber, I met some of his friends and he told me he wanted me to even meet his family eventually. But there were interferences, like I had made him dinner and he took an hour and a half phone call with his wife arguing. She had messed up his taxes and he ended up having to unexpectedly pay a large sum of money. The last 'straw' was when he said her name on accident during sex with me. As we were both intoxicated, I reacted rather upset and asked him to leave. The next day my head was clear and I wanted to forgive him for the mistake and move forward with our relationship, but he said that he felt 'broken' and that he couldn't be the man that he thought I deserved in a relationship. He's going through a lot of therapy. I gave him the space he needed, despite that it hurt so bad to let him go. About a week later I left donuts at his work for him as well as a note saying that what I felt about him is real, that I supported him and would wait for him to sort through his issues but I never heard anything back except a simple 'thank you'. I asked him to please acknowledge me, don't be a stranger to me but I haven't heard anything back. Right now I'm feeling like I don't deserve to be with someone who leaves me and ignores me, and I'm questioning the validity of the relationship on his part. Was he lying when he said he loved me? I'm trying to move on but I don't know if I can replace the connection I felt with him. And I'm conflicted because I'm doubting whether the connection was even authentic, because were his feelings even authentic? I'm angry and lonely and confused. I'm okay with being single but I dream about feeling that love that I felt before. Some advice other than 'just get over it' would be much appreciated.

[hyden]

Before the villagers show up with their torches and pitchforks, you shouldn't be questioning the validity of the relationship on HIS part; you should be questioning it entirely. You are involved with a married man. What good can come from this? I would end this and re-examine what boundaries should be important in your life.

[hrb23]

This guy is a scumbag and your actions suggest you are not much better. What you're both doing is incredibly disrespectful and you should be asking YOURSELF some serious questions before you even consider pleading with him. If this guy really wanted to be with you like he said he did then his actions would support that. He is still with his wife which means he isn't interested in a relationship with you or isn't interested in ending his relationship with her. Either way the outlook for you isn't good and you should get out FAST. If someone is willing to cheat with you they would be willing to cheat on you just as easily. This is a terrible foundation for a relationship and the sooner you realize this the better off you will be.

 

You WILL feel love again. You would be naïve to think otherwise. But you can't find Mr. Right while you're with Mr. Wrong and that's exactly who you're with right now. Smarten up, stop being naïve and good luck. I'm rooting for you to get out of this tough situation and find your light on the other side.

[happyfrank]

Sounds like you were a novelty act for him. I think it's best not being a rebound. Good chance he will go back with ex. Move on and find a person that is truly single. Less confusion/drama and more fun.

 

Good luck.

[HeartGoesOn]

To put it bluntly this was not a "relationship," nor was it a "connection", it was about a married man looking for something on the side, while clearly demonstrating his disloyalty towards his wife. What part of that do you see as attractive?

 

In short, it appears that you're now aware of this being a temporary fix with a disposable option. With that being said, I'd move on, and take the lesson with me.

[catfeeder]

He would come up to me every day and complain about his wife-

 

No need to read past this--it's inappropriate social behavior and really lousy professional judgment. If you opted to go along with that and got involved with such a guy, it's no surprise that nothing good evolved from it.

 

Don't allow someone else's poor judgement to influence your own, especially at work. That's all you need to know.