Sadstrong Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Almost a year ago now I started dating this girl. I'm 17 and she's 16. I fell hard for her, we met at a camp. After camp we continued seeing each other in a long distance relationship. She lived 2 hours away. Its not the farthest distance ever but when you are a teenager its really hard. We Skyped nearly everyday and I saw her a couple times a month. After about three months she broke up with me, because our relationship had no base to go off from emotionally and she didn't have the closeness to develop deeper feelings from so far away. This was really hard to take, it felt like our relationship was ending but not because we weren't right for each other in some way. So nine months later I went that same camp and saw her again. Things were rough at first but eventually we became best friends again. She confided in me that she had been dating a guy for almost 8 months and that she was almost afraid of him. He was emotionally abusive and wouldn't work through any of heir problems or try to understand her. Her parents aren't very supportive or caring and she didn't really have anyone to talk about it with until we reunited. During camp I got closer and closer with her again and convinced her to break up with her boyfriend. It was hard for her but she managed to do it on the last day of camp. It wasn't for me to be with her, it was just because I thought it was what she needed to do to be happy. We had long talks and I put her needs first over and over. We talked about how she could find a guy whose right for her, because she has had a problem with dating bad guys. I went and read articles and gave her some advice on how to find what she actually needs in a guy. It's not fun and social ability, but someone who can be emotionally supportive. That was a big difference between who she had been going for before. Any guy who was cute and seemed nice at first. She could get a dozen guys to date her easily but she needed to find the right one. I spent a lot of time talking her through this and that problem. I love her, but I wanted the best for her. But also I wanted her to love me, even if we couldn't be together. It would have been some validation I needed, to have the girl who broke up with me still feel the way I felt about her. After camp we snap chatted throughout the day for two days. On the second night she told me a guy had been flirting with her during the day. She said something vague during this conversation like "I don't think it will ever happen for me." I asked what that meant? Did she think she would never find the right guy? And she said "No I think I'll find him and I won't be able to date him." I said "why is that? Hasn't that always been a really easy step for you" and she said "because I already found him and he lives two hours away and I broke his heart before." I didn't know what do. On one hand I got what I wanted, she felt how I did about her for 9 months. But on the other hand I didn't know what to do about it. I offered to have no contact. If we couldn't be together she needed to move on, and even though I wanted to see her badly I knew she probably couldn't be friends and move on. But then she wrote a whole paragraph. It was about all the things she loved about me. About how I was the only one in her life who supported her, who always put her first and tried to make her happy. She said she would never forgive herself for pushing me out of her life and that I was the best thing to ever walk in her life. I asked her the next morning what she wanted from me? She thought and then decided that we probably shouldn't keep in contact, even though its the last thing she wanted. She couldn't see another option. She thought she had to push me out of her life again and hated herself for it. I don't know what to do. I brought up the idea of trying a long distance relationship again, but she didn't trust herself not to hurt me again and wouldn't put me through it. As much as I want to tell myself otherwise she is probably right. Our only other options are to stay friends or to have no contact (or maybe here are more options and my ears are wide open). I feel like I can't win. If we have no contact I will die inside every day I don't see her. But if we stay friends I will die inside every time I see her and we can't be more than friends. Right now we are in limbo. We haven't decided what to do. I'm a really smart person and I spend hours thinking about every decision and option. But for the first time in my life I just have no clue what to do. I could have found my soulmate for all I know. She loves me. I love her. But I can't do anything and I am losing my mind. Please help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 What a long post! You must be in turmoil over this. Stick with her, you don't have to make a decision one way or another right now do you ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ohmabby Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 I had a relationship with someone long distance, but I knew him for 3 years and dated him for a year. I had to move for university but I would come back once every 2 months on holidays. This was a year and a half in to dating. He never came to visit me until I had to leave university. It was about 2 hrs drive from our hometown. I was around 18 then. It's a tough choice, but time heals when u let someone go for the best of it. If your gf believes it'll be toxic, then trust her. But I think you should really express how u truly feel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sadstrong Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 Sorry I don't understand. I kind if do have to make a decision. Either I keep being her friend or I don't or I try to have a potentially dangerous relationship. One of these things will happen now, no matter what. And how would I express how I feel? I don't even know what to feel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 What are the reasons for NOT having a long distance relationship?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sadstrong Posted July 25, 2017 Author Share Posted July 25, 2017 Because it didn't work the first time. It honestly worked fine for me. I was happy. But she was very unhappy with it. She felt we didn't have an emotional base for our relationship. She said maybe if we had dated for a year or two close by then we could make a LDR work but we just couldn't. I also think she isn't the most stable person and really needs someone to be supportive and comfort her and its really hard to do that from afar. And unlike last time, she is really scared to hurt me now. She broke my heart once and now that she loves me again she doesn't want to do it again to me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Why don't you guys just stay friends for a year and then see if you want to start a relationship. If you are this torn up about it its probably worth saving. good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vesper Posted July 25, 2017 Share Posted July 25, 2017 Long-Distance Relationships do not really work and they usually end in one person moving to the other's location Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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