Help with an Ex?

[jlowe7452]

So here's the situation. I broke up with my ex a few years ago. I was insecure at the time, and thought she would want to break up with me, based on her relationships in the past. So before she could hurt me, I decided to break it iff and hurt her first.

 

So fast foward a few years without talking. I actually met up with her and a few friends for the first time in a long time. I was sure I was over her, but something re-ignited. I would just confront her with my feelings, but there are at least three problems with that.

A) She lives a few states away now.

B) She does have a girlfriend, but I don't know the status of that.

C) I don't know if the feelings would be reciprocal, and I don't want to embarrass her, or demean myself.

 

I'm not a guy who typically looks for drama, so I've been keeping quiet. I would try to move on, but my last relationship with another git was ruined because I tried to imitate the euphoric feeling my ex and I had.

 

What should I do? I would be content in knowing she didn't feel that way about me, but I wouldn't even begin to know how to approach her on the subject.

[Hawnfawn]

So here's the situation. I broke up with my ex a few years ago. I was insecure at the time, and thought she would want to break up with me, based on her relationships in the past. So before she could hurt me, I decided to break it iff and hurt her first.

 

So fast foward a few years without talking. I actually met up with her and a few friends for the first time in a long time. I was sure I was over her, but something re-ignited. I would just confront her with my feelings, but there are at least three problems with that.

A) She lives a few states away now.

B) She does have a girlfriend, but I don't know the status of that.

C) I don't know if the feelings would be reciprocal, and I don't want to embarrass her, or demean myself.

 

I'm not a guy who typically looks for drama, so I've been keeping quiet. I would try to move on, but my last relationship with another git was ruined because I tried to imitate the euphoric feeling my ex and I had.

 

What should I do? I would be content in knowing she didn't feel that way about me, but I wouldn't even begin to know how to approach her on the subject.

 

B. She has a girlfriend. Regardless of the status, why would you breakup a potential couple? What kind of selfish agenda is that? Leave her alone.

[jlowe7452]

B. She has a girlfriend. Regardless of the status, why would you breakup a potential couple? What kind of selfish agenda is that? Leave her alone.

 

That is not the issue at hand. Of course I don't want to break them up. I already stated I don't want to start drama. My problem is holding onto these feelings that are eating away at me. The question is if there is an appropriate time to adress the situation like an adult. I don't want to avoid her for the remainder of my life, but it's not fair that I need to hold onto something that's physically stressing me out. If I can't talk to her, then how do I approach my feelings?

[rosephase]

That is not the issue at hand. Of course I don't want to break them up. I already stated I don't want to start drama. My problem is holding onto these feelings that are eating away at me. The question is if there is an appropriate time to adress the situation like an adult. I don't want to avoid her for the remainder of my life, but it's not fair that I need to hold onto something that's physically stressing me out. If I can't talk to her, then how do I approach my feelings?

 

Your feelings are your own to handle. She is in a relationship. If you love and respect someone you respect their choices which includes their relationship choices. If it's physically stressing you out then try exercise, dating other people and/or therapy. It's not her job to help you with your feelings.