boyfriend lied to me for the first 9 months of our relationship, what do I do?

[Cmartell]

Last year around this time I went to the races with my boyfriend, our friend, and his girlfriend. My boyfriend and his friend were working on a car and me and the girlfriend were chatting on the trailer. I have never really liked this girl but decided to give her a chance. In the midst of our conversation she decided to tell me that her my MY boyfriend had slept together before. Now rewind to the beginning of me and my boyfriends relationship, I asked him to be honest about who he has been with in the past and he confessed to a girl he had a one night stand with when he was 14. I was okay with that because I wanted an honest and open relationship. I had nothing to tell because I was a virgin when we got together. The problem is, he never told me about this other girl. After me and her were done talking, I very calmly asked him if it was true. He kept saying it wasn't true over and over. Then he pulled her aside to talk. After that, I kept begging him to tell me the truth and he eventually came out and said "Fine, we had sex. Are you happy now?" I then found out that when he pulled her aside he told her to tell me that it wasn't true. The only excuse he gave me for lying was that it was closer to when we met/ started dating. Like 3 or 4 months I think. And on top of all of that, before this had happened there was a rumour that he was cheating on me with this same girl. I know that he didn't cheat but it really bothers me that he lied to me. Am I being ridiculous for still letting it bother me? This isn't the first time he has lied, I want to trust him again but I'm afraid of getting hurt...

[and so it goes]

"I asked him to be honest about who he has been with in the past"

 

It's always a mystery to me why woman ask this question. Nothing except "I'm a virgin, never been in love and never even kissed anyone (except my mom) is a good answer.

 

Look, either you trust him or your don't. If you don't then you two are doomed and it's only a matter of time. Likely he lied in order to spare your feelings since he knew what kind of response he was going to get.

 

I guess the bigger concern is why this other girl would feel the need to tell you that she and your b/f had been together - sounds like some jealousy or meanness or it's not quite over or something messed up. Why tell people what they really don't need to know??

[MissCanuck]

The fact that he tried to keep up the lie and asked this other girl to tell you it wasn't true is very, very sketchy. I find it a little odd that this girl chose that moment to tell you, too. How did that even come up? She wasn't necessarily wrong in telling you, but I have a feeling there's more to this disclosure than you know yet.

 

How do you know he didn't cheat before? And what else has he lied about?

 

I am guessing you're all on the younger side, but none of the above paints him in a very good light.

[Cmartell]

He says that he didn't want to hurt me and that he feels ashamed about it because she has slept with so many people. He also claims that he was drunk, but there's really no way I'd ever know for sure. And also, she still does. She had someone tell me that he was the best she ever had, she would never actually say that to me. She does it just to bother me. I haven't seen her in like 7 or 8 months. But she used to have her friend pass messages to me like that which really pissed me off. It's like I didn't deserve to be happy or something. Also he's lied by saying he couldn't pick me up from somewhere because he wasn't in town, but the same night I found out he was riding around town with one of his buddies. I didn't understand why he couldn't just tell me that, I wouldn't have been mad. I just can't stand lying. I have never tried to hide anything from him, I don't understand why I don't deserve some honesty?

[MissCanuck]

You do deserve honesty, OP.

 

Asking who's he been with is an awkward question, but when confronted with the truth, the least he could have done is stop trying to cover it up. Pretending to be out of town when he wasn't is a bad sign, also. He sounds immature and inexperienced with relationships- how old is he?

 

I also find it very strange that this other girl was so insistent on getting under your skin. That, to me, suggests he pissed her right off or she is just plain jealous of you. Who were you hearing these cheating rumors from?