Do my ex and I have a chance? He claims it's just a break

[anonymous2021]

My ex and I were together for 3 years. I met him when I had just turned 15, and I am now 18. We were each other's first loves. The relationship was truly something special and it just felt different. It felt really good because before we became exclusive, we spent a year and a half building a strong friendship. We have liked others, but always found each other again. This is why we waited to be official. Then we started officially dating and the love we had was breath taking. However, I was insecure about myself from being hurt from past relationships. I would get jealous from fear of losing him. We were also long distance, him living in Las Vegas, and myself in LA. When we spent time together it was the best thing ever, but being away was sad at times. Towards the end we started fighting. I was graduating high school and he is not yet. He's a year younger. I began to become stressed about school, finances, our sport, and our future. On Monday he broke up with me saying that right now we need a break because if we force things to work then everything will break, however with space and time to reflect we will comeback stronger. He is also having a hard time right now, he's very stressed with his life. He broke down and was heartbroken. Our parents suggested that even though we're deeply in love and they like us together, that we take a break and see other people to make sure we're the right ones for each other since marriage in the near future would be a life long committment. So he suggested this. On Wednesday, we had a great talk. We understand that communication is key especially right now. He told me he is going to try dating this girl from his team and see how it goes, however I freaked out with the thought of him abandoning me like every other guy. He said that there's something special about me and he knows that all the things about me other girls can't possess. He said that dating other people is like reassuring himself about something he already knows the answer to (me being the one). He also gave me freedom to explore and said he wants to see that I'm not dependent on him anymore for when we date again because I suffer from depression. He said I need to love myself first before I give my love to him. This made me feel good, this conversation, but last night he went on a date with the girl after 5 days broken up and she is the complete opposite of me. He also said they kissed. He then came home crying on FaceTime saying that he's using her to hide his feelings towards everything right now. What should I think of this situation? Will space really make us stronger or has he moved on? Is she just a rebound? I did research and many sources say she is a rebound to fill the void of me.

Most importantly, do we have a chance to get back together, how much should I give it? He also wants to be friends right now. Should I stay friendly or NC for myself to reflect on myself and heal?

[drpenguin]

Wow 18, ok so you're really young here. This is going to be a listen to your elders moment...

 

In short yes No Contact is what you're going to need to do. It's clear you have an anxious personality from the "fear of abandonment" statement and that you're going to have to learn how to soothe that anxiety, or it'll be the reason you won't be able to have a relationship with ANYONE. Right now any news of his dating life is going to drive you more and more mad, and although it feels terrible to have him cut out of your life, it'll be worse to hear all the nitty gritty details

 

You guys are no longer dating, you have no responsibility to deal with his dating stuff nor does he yours. Considering your emotions it would probably not be a good idea to be friends, someone's going to get hurt, and it'll be the one who cares more (you see where I'm getting at here)

 

Hang with your friends, take up new hobbies, PLAY SPORTS, focus on you. Talk to you counselor (seriously do this, you learn A LOT about dealing with this stuff.) And when time is right, maybe in a few months, start seeing new people. You're young, you've got a lot to experiences to explore before thinking about settling down.

 

Honestly you are going to be exiting high school and entering a new phase of your life (college, work, etc.) and he will still be in high school. This is naturally going to cause a huge riff in the relationship anyway. Trust me, a lot of us older folks thought our high school sweethearts were going to be forever when we left for College. Well that high school sweet heart of mind lives half way across the country and is knocked up by a random dude who turned out to be gay, while I've had a fair share of intimate encounters since her. We talk occasionally and sometimes get nostalgic... but none of us have any plans of reconciling.

 

I know a lot of this is going to sound cold, but honestly learn the lessons now before it bites you back harder later.