Broken hearted.

[Manthattries]

I'm (43) and finished a rough divorce. In the process of moving on i had a good female friend for years and she (50) began to persue me.

I had asked for simple easy dating ( eating out, movies, fishing, etc, but no over night or sex. I needed my space and move on from divorce and find happiness. She agreed because she 2 years ago lost her 17y/o son in accident. We were both there for each other. Crying on each other shoulders, missing the old life.

However, as time went on I found myself so in love as she did too. We made a schedule out. During a week I'd spend time with my son, but when he was with his mom. The gf would stay at my place and vice versa. Did that for well over 2 years. She even brought her 2nd son and grandson into our lives. I kinda felt like a grandpa as much as wed did together with her grandson.

Me and her were alike, but not alike. She had that type A personality as I was more or less confident, but no as much ego, but sometimes she used that personality to hide inner feelings. She would also brag, but i never could. I used to tell her, if you brag about doing somthing with me or someone else, you should follow thru with it for out of respect or don't brag at all.

Duri by the course of dating, she would say things like: "do you have something you want to tell me". I was getting the hint in proposal, but I knew her and I weren't ready. Wasnt sure if it was bragging, teasing, etc. She would never come clean with her intentions. She began to push and pull at me which began to feel like a roller coaster ride on her time. Some days I'd ask myself what I was doing wrong, but I knew I was doing it all right. I found myself wanting to be needy, but that was never me and I wasn't going to become someone I wasn't.

I know our relationship left that honey moon stage. But in some cases that's were the push-pull came from. Like she wanted to keep the relationship in that stage.

At the same time she began showing childish, bratty behavior. It's like she began changing. I don't think it was post partum.

She also began going out with friends and leaving me set. Nothing wrong with having friends, but when your bf is with you, you should have the respect and wanting to be with you, right? The friends should be there when I'm not, correct?

I spent a little time away from her, about 2 weeks and started to realize I was putting more effort in than she was. So frustrating.

The relationship finally ended after 3 yrs.

I really wanted more with her, but I didn't want to jump in feet first without making that deeper relationship commitment.

What hurts is, I felt like a grandpa and took pride in that. She knew my son too. It's like we were having a mixed family.

Question I have is there more I could of done or was it doomed. I know I tried very hard, but it's like when I stopped trying is when it fell apart. Almost like in someways about attention. God only knows. Just want some input on closure.

[Hollyj]

It seems like you had huge communication issues. Why didn't you simply ask her what she was thinking/wanting?

 

No. It is not healthy for people in a relationship to do everything together. You should have some outside interests and feel that it is okay and hang out with friends, without your partner. i would feel suffocated, if I had to do every social thing with my partner. Not healthy.

 

I hate it when men blame women's behavior on hormones. Did she have a baby at 50, or are you talking about menopause? Maybe, she was tired of waiting for you to make a proposal to her.

 

Learn how to communicate with your partners. I also don't understand why you did not make the commitment, if that is what you wanted?????

[Hollyj]

"I'm dying inside

Question? Help

 

Going through a divorce. Been stressful very stressful. My soon to be ex was advised that I was having an affair. No I never did. The person that told my ex this.was her mom. See her mom had an affair and moved away for 20+ years but a few years ago my ex's mom moved back and I think tried to relive her marriage through us (ex and i). My wife.then changed. At one time she was so into us, but I started seeing her conforming to her mom. Like she put her mom over us. My son was do I g the same. It was manipulation. I know. I tried so hard to fix it, but at the same time my dad passed away and was trying to do it all. Take care of my family, house, work, school full-time, mourning. I felt like I was right g an uphill battle. Yes, I confided in a female friend. She recently lost her 17 y/o son, but she was so positive and a good listener. She had very positive outlook on life, but no affair occurred. My wife believed.hed mom over me and my son followed suit. I feel like I was exiled for doing nothing work g. Yes, I confided in my soon to be ex, but it's like she didn't know how to help me. I never thought of leaving her, because her and my son were my everything. I'm lost know. Used to be so into my life (family), now it's upside down. So stressed and I feel like everythi g is my fault. I began to hang out with a female friend. She's great, the same one I used to use when coping with that I confided in my dad's death. She wants more and I want to give her more later, but I'm confused because I would take my family back in a heart beat. Am I trying to hold onto something i should be moving on from and slowly move forward with the female friend."

You wrote this on 7-7-17. Why did you create such a huge lie? This is a completely different story from what you wrote above. You left out three years of your life, and most importantly that you had had a relationship.

[mg22]

"I'm dying inside

Question? Help

 

Going through a divorce. Been stressful very stressful. My soon to be ex was advised that I was having an affair. No I never did. The person that told my ex this.was her mom. See her mom had an affair and moved away for 20+ years but a few years ago my ex's mom moved back and I think tried to relive her marriage through us (ex and i). My wife.then changed. At one time she was so into us, but I started seeing her conforming to her mom. Like she put her mom over us. My son was do I g the same. It was manipulation. I know. I tried so hard to fix it, but at the same time my dad passed away and was trying to do it all. Take care of my family, house, work, school full-time, mourning. I felt like I was right g an uphill battle. Yes, I confided in a female friend. She recently lost her 17 y/o son, but she was so positive and a good listener. She had very positive outlook on life, but no affair occurred. My wife believed.hed mom over me and my son followed suit. I feel like I was exiled for doing nothing work g. Yes, I confided in my soon to be ex, but it's like she didn't know how to help me. I never thought of leaving her, because her and my son were my everything. I'm lost know. Used to be so into my life (family), now it's upside down. So stressed and I feel like everythi g is my fault. I began to hang out with a female friend. She's great, the same one I used to use when coping with that I confided in my dad's death. She wants more and I want to give her more later, but I'm confused because I would take my family back in a heart beat. Am I trying to hold onto something i should be moving on from and slowly move forward with the female friend."

You wrote this on 7-7-17. Why did you create such a huge lie? This is a completely different story from what you wrote above. You left out three years of your life, and most importantly that you had had a relationship.

 

This is so confusing LOL !! I lost track all together

[Hollyj]

This is so confusing LOL !! I lost track all together

 

Yup. Like two different people.