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To remain in the picture or vanish completely?


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I have read stories that the dumpee remained in the picture of the dumper, and it caused panic with the dumper’s new lover, which in turn made the dumper’s new relationship becoming unstable, before their new relationship becomr solid and stable. And the dumpee could actually got the dumper back.

 

Whereas I heard that vanishing completely with no contact makes the dumper missing the dumpee, but it also may thought the dumpee is fine with the dumper’s decision to breakup.

 

Ignoring the cause of the breakup, which one do you think is better for a longer and stable renewed relationship between the dumper and the dumpee?

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Making choices to sabotage your ex isn't loving. If you love and respect your ex then you have to respect their choices. Don't try to manipulate them. Don't try to sabotage them. Be a loving person and respect their choices. It's not about getting them back. it's about respecting someone and working on personal healing.

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I can tell you what happened in my relationship. My BF had an ex who worked really hard to stay in the picture for quite a while. This caused panic for me, and yes, instability for us, enough for me to break things off. I finally got to the point where I couldn't take her intrusions, even though it was proven that it was 100% her contacting him, and most of the time, he didn't even respond. However, it was enough for me, so I said goodbye.

 

So yes, staying in the picture with your dumper can most definitely cause the new lover to become unstable, and even leave the relationship!

 

Here's the thing, though....he dumped her even harder, again. He made it crystal clear to her, and then to his family, that there would never be any contact at all, ever again. He spoke with every one of his family members to ensure that she never be in contact again. This was months ago, and our relationship is back on track, better than ever. We were able to talk this through, as he asked me to see a counselor with him. She apparently broke down so badly and cried so hard, and then she sent him an email, which he read to me. She's unbearably upset now, because she finally realizes that it's over for them. Which, it's been over for several years, but she's been holding on for so long that it finally clicked to her, recently, when he yelled at her to leave him alone, that it's over.

 

In our case, it ultimately brought us closer. Be careful what you wish for.

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His ex was the dumpee. She tried to stay in the picture hoping to get him back. She tried to be his friend, to make him realize that he would miss her. She actually did this through his last GF prior to me, but then when he & I became serious and she realized he was in love with me (1 year ago), she stepped it up. She tried to get closer to his family, and she texted and called him several times a week.

 

This bothered me a ton, I'll admit. So much so that I told him I needed to move on, to let him figure things out with her, that maybe they were in fact meant for each other. He was so upset that he went to a counselor, and then asked me to go so that we could figure this out. He finally put a complete stop to her, and we are happier than ever.

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My ex is currently in a "rebound." This post from the former archive helps me keep strong after 2 months NC

 

 

 

Either way, whether reconcillation or moving on, work out, go out, and get counselling as needed (seriously, it helps). It's better to move on and have your ex return then, than it is to keep waiting hopefully and have them never return.

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I can tell you what happened in my relationship. My BF had an ex who worked really hard to stay in the picture for quite a while. This caused panic for me, and yes, instability for us, enough for me to break things off. I finally got to the point where I couldn't take her intrusions, even though it was proven that it was 100% her contacting him, and most of the time, he didn't even respond. However, it was enough for me, so I said goodbye.

 

So yes, staying in the picture with your dumper can most definitely cause the new lover to become unstable, and even leave the relationship!

 

Here's the thing, though....he dumped her even harder, again. He made it crystal clear to her, and then to his family, that there would never be any contact at all, ever again. He spoke with every one of his family members to ensure that she never be in contact again. This was months ago, and our relationship is back on track, better than ever. We were able to talk this through, as he asked me to see a counselor with him. She apparently broke down so badly and cried so hard, and then she sent him an email, which he read to me. She's unbearably upset now, because she finally realizes that it's over for them. Which, it's been over for several years, but she's been holding on for so long that it finally clicked to her, recently, when he yelled at her to leave him alone, that it's over.

 

In our case, it ultimately brought us closer. Be careful what you wish for.

 

Why didn't he block her?

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HeartGoesOn and rosephase, you mean, I as the dumpee should pretty much stay out of the picture, unless (if ever) the dumper contact me/express interests again?

 

LHGirl, was his Ex the Dumper or the dumpee?

 

You should be out of the picture.

 

You do not respond, as he has a girlfriend! You also do not respond to being his friend, as this will be very hurtful for you - you simply stroke his ego and become his sex buddy. You only respond, if he wants full reconciliation.

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"She meet a guy in a party that she told me about, but didn’t let me to go with her. She told me and even screen-captured how that guy started messaging her. She started going cold on me, and to a point that she even forgot I had a big job interview. After a while, she told me she was “lost”, and “choosing between me and the new guy”. She even told me she most likely would go for the new guy.

She told me to be her backup plan… yes… I was mad, but I did stay around for 2 weeks. No Contact didn’t work, because initially she would messaging me regularly.

Several times, she has threatened me and asked if I have been dating other girls after the broke up, I only mentioned I got to know a few new girls (The truth). Then she said she was happy our friendship remained, which I pulled and said we cannot be friends, for now.

THEN SHE ASKED, “SO YOU ARE NOT WAITING FOR ME ANYMORE?” then she tried to ask to have dinner together, but then retract the invitation before I respond.

Now she is using photos of them kissing as the whatsapp profile picture. She also hinted to be going to a trip with her new BF. I tried to act cool and say “have nice trips!”

Deep down, I am broken; I “cured” her for being insecure with guys and getting dumped all the time, to now she got confident to abandon me after 3.5 years."

Hasn't she hurt and disrespected you enough!!!!! She cheated, lied and disrespected you! You need to get your self respect back. She has treated you terribly, but you continue to let her.

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"She meet a guy in a party that she told me about, but didn’t let me to go with her. She told me and even screen-captured how that guy started messaging her. She started going cold on me, and to a point that she even forgot I had a big job interview. After a while, she told me she was “lost”, and “choosing between me and the new guy”. She even told me she most likely would go for the new guy.

She told me to be her backup plan… yes… I was mad, but I did stay around for 2 weeks. No Contact didn’t work, because initially she would messaging me regularly.

Several times, she has threatened me and asked if I have been dating other girls after the broke up, I only mentioned I got to know a few new girls (The truth). Then she said she was happy our friendship remained, which I pulled and said we cannot be friends, for now.

THEN SHE ASKED, “SO YOU ARE NOT WAITING FOR ME ANYMORE?” then she tried to ask to have dinner together, but then retract the invitation before I respond.

Now she is using photos of them kissing as the whatsapp profile picture. She also hinted to be going to a trip with her new BF. I tried to act cool and say “have nice trips!”

Deep down, I am broken; I “cured” her for being insecure with guys and getting dumped all the time, to now she got confident to abandon me after 3.5 years."

Hasn't she hurt and disrespected you enough!!!!! She cheated, lied and disrespected you! You need to get your self respect back. She has treated you terribly, but you continue to let her.

Wow, you have been somehow following my threads, haha

 

Yes, I have found my new direction now, and the pain is slowly subsiding

 

This breakup taught me a lot, I never thought I need to reflect on what went wrong in my previous relationships, now I know reflecting on what had went wrong in the broken relationship is important.

 

Thank You all.

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Why didn't he block her?

 

In my BF's case, his ex and him have an ongoing reason that they have to stay in contact. So he blocked her from any contact aside from that reason (it's not a child, as they have no children together). She can only email him now, and the emails can only be about that issue. He blocked her phone number, so no more calls or texts, and he unfriended her (actually he did that a long time ago).

 

This is why she got so upset....she can no longer call or text him at all hours. She was using their shared issue to find reasons to call, even in the middle of the night. She was just finding ways to talk to him, which she now can not. She can only now email. Life is so much more peaceful.

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I have read stories that the dumpee remained in the picture of the dumper, and it caused panic with the dumper’s new lover, which in turn made the dumper’s new relationship becoming unstable, before their new relationship becomr solid and stable. And the dumpee could actually got the dumper back.

 

Whereas I heard that vanishing completely with no contact makes the dumper missing the dumpee, but it also may thought the dumpee is fine with the dumper’s decision to breakup.

 

Ignoring the cause of the breakup, which one do you think is better for a longer and stable renewed relationship between the dumper and the dumpee?

 

Back on the original topic, the right choice of action should take place external of the relatiosnhip your previous partner is in. As another here mentioned, if they want to remain friends, they'll make it crystal clear. Of course, they may change their mind on that down the line later as well. The best you can do is focus on yourself and moving forward in your own life. You don't have to close that door, but you don't have to stand in the doorway, either.

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