Am I setting myself up to get badly hurt?

[FarmerG1]

I'm new to this and just needed some advice. It's a lot of long stories, but basically I've had a really bad history in terms of dating the last few years - people just leading me along and using me, taking my niceness and generosity as something to exploit for free drinks, dinners and gifts. Anyway, I've been dating this girl for a couple months and it's seemed to be going really well. She doesn't try using me, in fact gets annoyed if I try to pay for things too often. She's been really attentive, actually wants to see me rather than making up excuses to get out of doing anything. It's not been very long but I felt myself really falling for her. Anyway, last week she tells me she's decided to go traveling for a year in October - I thought, okay, tough but it's only a year. And then she says that when she comes back, she's moving down to London (we both live about 4 hours from there in the country). She said she really likes me, has a lot of feelings for me and is gutted that she's started something good and now feels like she's throwing it all away. I suggested that if she feels it's good and is working, we could try to make it work while she's away, stay in touch, I can arrange holidays over there for a couple weeks to break it up a bit, and then when she's back to go from there and see what we wanna do next. She tells me that she doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship, so although she'd like to carry on as we are for now, come October, it's finished. I really want to carry on in hopes that maybe I can change her mind but also just because I love spending time with her and know I'm incredibly lucky to have even got a chance with her so I should be grateful for what I can have. But at the same time, I don't know whether I'm just setting myself up to get hurt a hell of a lot more in the long run if my feelings for her develop in the next few months. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks in advance.

[Hollyj]

I think that you should respect what she said. Don't continue this with the intention of "changing her mind." It is unfair to both of you.

 

I would get back inline.

[SherrySher]

Unfortunately, Farmer, I think she was very upfront and honest with you and told you what she wants. She only wants a casual hang out till October and nothing more.

 

I think you need to come to terms with that and although you like her, realise that she is Miss Right now, but not Miss Right. I hope you do find Miss Right, but someone

 

who is leaving the country for a year, does not want a long distance relationship and is unsure how it will go when she returns, is not the right one.

[Cope]

Cut it off now that it's fresh.

[RedDress]

I agree. She is not the one.

 

Unfortunately, "bad timing" is a thing. Perhaps in a different time, in a different place, this relationship could have turned out differently. That always sucks because it's really hard to accept. Trying to hang on, though, won't help. She will just feel resentful and if her heart isn't in it, she will almost certainly break your heart.

 

I think you should break it off now (since you want a long term relationship and she doesn't) - but if you want (and are able) - stay friends with her on social media. Follow her travels (that will be cool!), move on with your own life, and if in a year or two you are both single, you can ask her out again when the timing is better. In the meantime, though, it's best to go on with your life and your search.

[bbogdanov]

... I'm incredibly lucky to have even got a chance with her so I should be grateful for what I can have...

 

This doesn't sound good. You should have more self-esteem and appreciate yourself. Take her off that pedestal!