Ex sincere or guilting me into a response?

[crepetown]

Was with a girl for 1.5 years. Was great at first but during the 2nd half of our relationship it bacame draining for me. It would feel like I wasn't doing enough for herand without getting too specific I think she may either have bpd or npd.

 

I was depressed when we broke up. I dumped her because she just started asking too much of me. We don't talk for 7 months then she breaks no contact and we try to be friends, but during this period I'm struggling with my depression getting psychiatric treatment,messing eith meds so I'm not in a good place mentally for reconciliation. I had to fix my own problems first so I stop seeing her.

 

9 more months of no contact and I start feeling better.less depression less anxiety more focus. I realize that I was somewhat dysfunctional and I apologized to my ex for my own part in our relationship disintegration in a message. That msg I sent was 2 months ago. No response until almost 3 weeks ago. She says she's depressed, but doesn't go into detail. It seems kinda baiting, like I should respond if I care. But Even though I've been fixing my personal problem, that message doesn't make me think the the things that caused failure on her end of the relationship aren't still a factor. I like spending time with this person, but I don't want to lose myself to them. That's what was beginning to happen last time. I just got a new job so I haven't really had much time to focus on what I'm going to do. I'm not oppose to working on things between us but I'm just not getting indication that shes going to do her part, but its hard to tell with do little info

[ThatwasThen]

If you think she has BPD or NPD and you suffer from anxiety and depression then the LAST thing you should be doing is still being in ANY kind of contact with her.

 

Zero contact and if she ever contacts you again don't respond. Keep working on you and being the best you that you can be. When you're truly well, you will not want to spend time with her because you'll know and understand that doing so is toxic to you and your emotional health.

 

She will never "do her part" particularly if she's not in continuous therapy of her own.

[crepetown]

If you think she has BPD or NPD and you suffer from anxiety and depression then the LAST thing you should be doing is still being in ANY kind of contact with her.

 

Zero contact and if she ever contacts you again don't respond. Keep working on you and being the best you that you can be. When you're truly well, you will not want to spend time with her because you'll know and understand that doing so is toxic to you and your emotional health.

 

She will never "do her part" particularly if she's not in continuous therapy of her own.

Yeah I'm leaning toward bpd, but it's a spectrum( she relatively high functioning she just handles stress bad and puts it on me) albeit even a little bpd is tough to deal with. I'm not a professional so I'm just going by my exp with her and what I read online. Sometimes I think im overreacting

or letting my anxiety get the best of me.

 

It's hard though, I dont have much in the way of a social life and being prone to anxiety and depression already limits me from a lot of people not to mention the area I live in doesn't have a great pool to selecf from either​. However When I was most depressed last thing I needed was to hear from her, but I did and things didn't go well. If she's really depressed idk that I can do much for her, but everyone's different? I needed a doctor though maybe she needs the same?

 

I know she would be super suspicious of professional medicine and any attempt she made to seek therapy/psychiatry ended up being a frustrating experience on everyone's part. This was before I ever knew her though.

[HeartGoesOn]

You're better off putting yourself first, focusing on your new job and continue with your progress in moving forward. You owe it to yourself to make this about you, and only you.

[Hollyj]

Focus on you and your job. This relationship sounds unhealthy, and should be kept in the past.

 

Block and delte.

[ThatwasThen]

Yeah I'm leaning toward bpd, but it's a spectrum( she relatively high functioning she just handles stress bad and puts it on me) albeit even a little bpd is tough to deal with.

This is true... just ask any psychiatrist/therapist.

 

I'm not a professional so I'm just going by my exp with her and what I read online.

Remember the exp you have had with her and love yourself enough not to repeat it.

Sometimes I think im overreacting

or letting my anxiety get the best of me.

No, nope... you're not.

 

It's hard though, I dont have much in the way of a social life and being prone to anxiety and depression already limits me from a lot of people not to mention the area I live in doesn't have a great pool to selecf from either​.

That doesn't mean that you should submit yourself to her and her particular brand of crazy, luv. You just have to keep working on yourself and overcoming your anxiety and depression. Eventually you'll be able to meet and gel with quality people like yourself.

 

However When I was most depressed last thing I needed was to hear from her, but I did and things didn't go well.

there you go... once burnt, twice shy.

If she's really depressed idk that I can do much for her, but everyone's different? I needed a doctor though maybe she needs the same?

You can't do anything for her, you're not a trained professional. Yes, she definitely needs a doctor.

 

I know she would be super suspicious of professional medicine and any attempt she made to seek therapy/psychiatry ended up being a frustrating experience on everyone's part. This was before I ever knew her though.

Get yourself and keep yourself away from her.