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Today is Day 4 of NC. My ex and I have broken up in late April, but I kept on reconciling and apologising for my mistakes till previous Monday.

My problem is: in spite of writing journal before falling asleep at night he has been daily coming in my dreams. Even if I take

a power nap in the afternoon he'll again come in my dream. The dream would be so intense that it pull me back, I feel as if it the dream was real and this shatters me again and again. I am doing NC so that I can accept the reality and get out of his life and I myself can move forward.

What should I do to move forward and stop hurting myself like this again and again?

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it takes time and patience and what I suggested in your previous thread on a similar subject. Have you tried regular exercise, talking to friends (but not about him!), small acts of kindness to others - other kinds of distractions like that?

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it takes time and patience and what I suggested in your previous thread on a similar subject. Have you tried regular exercise, talking to friends (but not about him!), small acts of kindness to others - other kinds of distractions like that?

 

Well, I have an exam on coming Sunday, I am totally into my books. But I do go out for 1hour with my mom.

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It is completely normal. When i had my first breakup i used to dream about my ex almost everyday. Do you have panic attacks right after you wake up too? Please know that you're not alone, an infinite number of people have gone through this experience before. I believe at this point you do need to talk to someone about the break up, at the same time spend less time at home alone, go out with your friends. You will move on and you will be happy once again. It will take time but it will happen. Good luck

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Yes, it is normal for this to happen soon after NC for one with intense emotions. It will fade out soon enough, but you have to be patient and let it happen. It's the stress of not having this person in your life and your overthinking of that during the day. Distractions are good, but heavily focussing on something else that gets an emotional response just before going to sleep could help. Like watching a funny program, or a scary movie.

 

Also, using meditation methods to push thoughts of the ex out of your head can work to if you do it just before bed.

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It is completely normal. When i had my first breakup i used to dream about my ex almost everyday. Do you have panic attacks right after you wake up too? Please know that you're not alone, an infinite number of people have gone through this experience before. I believe at this point you do need to talk to someone about the break up, at the same time spend less time at home alone, go out with your friends. You will move on and you will be happy once again. It will take time but it will happen. Good luck

 

No, I don't get panic attacks but I get way too weak and I feel bad, my heart aches and I don't get up fresh and clear head.

Anyway, thanks

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Yes, it is normal for this to happen soon after NC for one with intense emotions. It will fade out soon enough, but you have to be patient and let it happen. It's the stress of not having this person in your life and your overthinking of that during the day. Distractions are good, but heavily focussing on something else that gets an emotional response just before going to sleep could help. Like watching a funny program, or a scary movie.

 

Also, using meditation methods to push thoughts of the ex out of your head can work to if you do it just before bed.

 

Yes, my emotions are way too intense. I want to distract myself but I fail at times doing so, not at times but most of the times. I feel so tired, and exhausted and demotivated and unworthy of anything.

I'll try meditation for sure. Hope it'll work

Thanks

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Listen, look into grief responses, because that's what this is. Your whole being is adapting to this change and loss of routine and relationship. It's not that the other person died, but it's like the body and brain cannot grasp the difference. All it knows instinctively is that some very significant, very real connection and comfort, is gone. So you have to be kind to yourself in this process; it's a bereavement of sorts. If you think of the relationship or couplehood as a distinct and living entity, it's like that entity died. Or at least has disappeared. Your unconscious and subconscious will play out various scenarios regardless whether you are overthinking during the day. Relationship and partner loss are traumatic. The brain is just trying to make sense of this, and is doing so while your body is at rest and unobliged to whatever we do in our daily waking lives.

 

It is fashioning vibrant scenarios in your sleep for you to watch in your sleep -- because it can't do that while you are driving to work or studying for an exam, or talking to someone in general daytime consciousness.

 

The cool thing is that each dream is processing something for you. And it's likely that the dreams will become less frequent as you come to new understanding or acceptance in your waking or conscious thought. When they do become less frequent, that can be and feel like a loss also. Then sometimes it becomes a joy to dream of the loved person again -- which leads to new realization and acceptance.

 

Just remember that the dreaming is one of the ways the brain knows to heal itself. And know also that it's pretty common to sleep poorly in especially the first year of a grief process.

 

I dream of my person every night. Lately I am ok and indifferent to it, almost to the point of not remembering much in the morning. But this morning, I woke up "broke up", and that really hurt. When it does, cry and release the hurt or anger or sadness, but also, take note in a journal. At some point you may look back at your writings and see how brilliantly your dreams led you through the grief to understanding, healing, and ultimately a new sense of wholeness.

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Listen, look into grief responses, because that's what this is. Your whole being is adapting to this change and loss of routine and relationship. It's not that the other person died, but it's like the body and brain cannot grasp the difference. All it knows instinctively is that some very significant, very real connection and comfort, is gone. So you have to be kind to yourself in this process; it's a bereavement of sorts. If you think of the relationship or couplehood as a distinct and living entity, it's like that entity died. Or at least has disappeared. Your unconscious and subconscious will play out various scenarios regardless whether you are overthinking during the day. Relationship and partner loss are traumatic. The brain is just trying to make sense of this, and is doing so while your body is at rest and unobliged to whatever we do in our daily waking lives.

 

It is fashioning vibrant scenarios in your sleep for you to watch in your sleep -- because it can't do that while you are driving to work or studying for an exam, or talking to someone in general daytime consciousness.

 

The cool thing is that each dream is processing something for you. And it's likely that the dreams will become less frequent as you come to new understanding or acceptance in your waking or conscious thought. When they do become less frequent, that can be and feel like a loss also. Then sometimes it becomes a joy to dream of the loved person again -- which leads to new realization and acceptance.

 

Just remember that the dreaming is one of the ways the brain knows to heal itself. And know also that it's pretty common to sleep poorly in especially the first year of a grief process.

 

I dream of my person every night. Lately I am ok and indifferent to it, almost to the point of not remembering much in the morning. But this morning, I woke up "broke up", and that really hurt. When it does, cry and release the hurt or anger or sadness, but also, take note in a journal. At some point you may look back at your writings and see how brilliantly your dreams led you through the grief to understanding, healing, and ultimately a new sense of wholeness.

 

CRY?! lol ... he left me because I had cried like a little sissy girl. Crying was the threshold of our breaking up and he moving away from me gradually. Anyway, it seems I'll learn something better out of this. Hopefully this will change me entirely and bring out the best version of myself which even I am not aware of. Hope the changed me will send the positivity to the universe and to the people who are around and far away from me.

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