Writing a letter to an ex after she is in a new relationship.

[tdag]

Hi Guys, I'm looking for a little advice. My ex and i broke up just over four months ago since then she has publically started a relationship with someone else and are going away on the trip we had planned together this August to her home city of Paris, having found out about the relationship i text her to say i am happy she is happy and that i'd like a chance to speak to her over a coffee so she knows that I am sincere. A day after that text i was involved in a motorbike accident and thought it was right to let her know that I am ok, but bruised. The reason i did this was that we have the occational conversation and bump into each other every week in a coffee shop before work. Her new BF replied telling me to essentually back off, and then apologised to her in the same message thread. There is a lot of back ground to all this, i know what went wrong and have put that right but for now i want to send her the following letter (in French) is it too long or the wrong thing to say considering i want to patch things up, also would you say having the boyfriend text me that he is controlling her somewhat knowing we speak and split up four months ago and could be worried about it?

Dear Sandra

I’ve been thinking of the right thing to say to you and how to say it. It may be wrong but it’s what is right for me so you know, here goes.

 

Firstly for anything I have done to make you feel awkward, I did not what it come across that way. I truly believe we are good and should remain on good terms. Everything I have been doing is with the best intentions. I wanted to show you that we can be friends and have happy communication between us despite what has happened. Like you said we landed in the best way and that is how it has to stay, asking you meet face to face is not right and cannot happen for the time being and especially now I was wrong to do that.

 

Secondly, If you feel that I have been pushing you by speaking with two of your friends I want to apologise, I have only ever said that I want to reconnect with you as a friend and these conversations came around by chance and my words said with the best intentions, I was always sincere, polite and respectful and non-invasive into your life. I do not want to interfere or ruin things for you.

 

I understand and accept that our relationship over, the last year and half will forever be a memory for us both, one which is cherished and full of the happy memories of the times we spent together experiencing, discovering and being with each other, all those moments will last forever. However, some love is not supposed to be forever but everyone’s is special in its own way and has a purpose. For us it was a journey onto new things, for me it has empowered me to be a new man who is wiser and one that has grown. For you it has been a journey into new beginnings and a bright future, I only have happiness for you and sincerely wish and hope you the very best with everything that happens for you in the future. We should both be thankful for these gifts we gave each other and having had met and spent the time together we did.

 

I have been blessed to have been part of your life and the journey that we took. I would, when the time is right like to remain friends when you do if when it is time. I do believe this is possible and would be good for us both, a new journey one with new memories. If this is meant to be it will be, there is a plan for us all and it would mean a lot.

 

Until then I will continue on my journey and you on yours, wherever they take us. We are both rare people and things can change so quickly, I have learned this very recently so everything needs to be cherished including the past.

 

Have an amazing time in Europe and I hope it brings you the happiness you deserve, this is from the heart and I want you to know that, I’m always going to love and care for you and if you need me I will listen and give you the strength you have given me. Don't be afraid of saying hello if you see me, you will always put a smile on my face, and I hope that happens for us both one day.

 

Always in my heart, never a stranger and with love. Sincerely yours. Thomas Dylan Allan.

 

Looking forward to hearing

[Ric Thompson]

Well my friend, alot of back story or not, If you and your ex had a serious relationship, and made plans for a special trip to her home tome with and and a couple of months later she is taking that same trip with another man, best believe you shot rip up that letter into fine pieces. She had/has little respect for what you guys had. And I'm not surprised if she had relations with this new guy behind your back. The reality is, this is not the type of girl you would want to take home to meet your mom. In addition, you should not be seeking any form of friendship from this woman. You will only trap yourself in a state of depression. My advice is to cut all ties, cry as much as you need to, get her out of your system, find your peace else where and rebound for someone who will be worth it.

[Capricorn3]

Hi Guys, I'm looking for a little advice. My ex and i broke up just over four months ago since then she has publically started a relationship with someone else and are going away on the trip we had planned together this August to her home city of Paris, having found out about the relationship i text her to say i am happy she is happy and that i'd like a chance to speak to her over a coffee so she knows that I am sincere. A day after that text i was involved in a motorbike accident and thought it was right to let her know that I am ok, but bruised. The reason i did this was that we have the occational conversation and bump into each other every week in a coffee shop before work. Her new BF replied telling me to essentually back off, and then apologised to her in the same message thread. There is a lot of back ground to all this, i know what went wrong and have put that right but for now i want to send her the following letter (in French) is it too long or the wrong thing to say considering i want to patch things up, also would you say having the boyfriend text me that he is controlling her somewhat knowing we speak and split up four months ago and could be worried about it?

 

First of all, do NOT send that letter. She's an EX - you no longer have a place there. Secondly, the boyfriend is right - you should back off, and stay off. You have no right to interfere.

 

Last, but not least, it is never a good idea to include your full name on the internet - it will come back to bite you.

[Jvi]

Do not send her the letter.

 

Thank me later!

[tdag]

Thanks for your comments, thats not my full name.

 

Secondly there is no interference, just positive thoughts but i appreicate your advice.

[tdag]

Thanks, yes it was a serious relationship and we a year and a half together. She met my family and I half of hers. The point of this is to get closure and wish her well as we didn’t break up in a bad way – its more shell shock, I do not expect or want a response and we have mutual friends so this will not go away unfortunately – I do onot want to interfere and my intentions are good. I know for a fact it’s a new thing, there were no relations whilst we were together I have confirmation of that as we were never apart and is not that type of person.

[Ric Thompson]

Never be too sure, you could be so always be beside each other and still get cheated on. Best believe. However, the bottom line is, you are drawing for straws and you'll drown in the long run. Its not worth it! Cut off all communication and ask the mutual friends to respect you and never mention her to you! Time will take care of the rest!

[tdag]

Point taken, i do however believe that she wasnt doing anything behind my back - we broke for a couple of reasons which i understand. You're right about the cutting off, there is little point of holding on. Its a tough call this has really drawn the line for me. I will mull this over and see what happens. Its about her understanding my intentions. we are actually on good terms, ie talking the odd text and hugging when we see each other. Thanks Ric.

[Rustysuit]

It's a beautiful letter, but I wouldn't send it. It will only reassure her and make her even emotionally distant from you. You're basically saying "Hey, thanks for breaking up with me. You're still the best. Love you. Hope you enjoy this new guy you're seeing."

 

That's what you need to think and say, but to yourself. Never to her. As far as you're concerned, she doesn't exist.

 

Stay friendly, not friends.

 

Write that letter, but save it for later or burn it as a healing experience. Don't send it. Let her be with her new relationship. It's the best for both of you.