firstluvstruck Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I have been in the anger phase for a long time now. The more I focus on it the worse it gets. so right now I'm actively keeping myself busy and not allowing thoughts to come in. Everyone is unique and there is probably no answer to this. But how long did it last for you? What's next? indifference? clarity? or do you just stop thinking about the past? She was in my life for 3.5 years, so memories are bound to resurface. I'm asking because I'm tired of it. of the anger. of thinking about her. of letting myself care about her. enough is enough! But it's not who I am to be indifferent about someone who is/was important to me? This thought right here is probably a big factor holding me back. In my last post I was advised to not worry about this and just keep moving forward. So that's what I'm doing (thank you for that!), but the anger is still there, and I really don't like it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LondonMan33 Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I have been in the anger phase for a long time now. The more I focus on it the worse it gets. so right now I'm actively keeping myself busy and not allowing thoughts to come in. Everyone is unique and there is probably no answer to this. But how long did it last for you? What's next? indifference? clarity? or do you just stop thinking about the past? She was in my life for 3.5 years, so memories are bound to resurface. I'm asking because I'm tired of it. of the anger. of thinking about her. of letting myself care about her. enough is enough! But it's not who I am to be indifferent about someone who is/was important to me? This thought right here is probably a big factor holding me back. In my last post I was advised to not worry about this and just keep moving forward. So that's what I'm doing (thank you for that!), but the anger is still there, and I really don't like it... Truth is this , You can let this anger control you and overtake your life at which point you will do a number of things like make a complete and utter fool of yourself via sending nasty messages, letters or phone calls, which at the time releases some frustration for a very short time then it all comes flooding back with vengeance . some people go a lot further and end up in prison through the anger. I know you just want to feel as normal as possible again, so bear with it and keep calm, you are thinking your ex is having a whale of a time and has totally forgot about you, If you have not done any of the above she will not have forgot about you. the hardest thing is staying in control and do the no contact thing. What will happen is you will somewhere down the line get good vibes again from other women and this will get you thinking about life again . As soon as you get some connection no matter how small with another woman it will be a big step from leaving all this you are feeling behind you. you will look back and cringe if you have sent off the naughty texts etc.. they never work..silence is golden. the anger is not nice at all . been through it before . learnt some valuable lessons. its a stage that passes and it will. stay in control. you will be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rosephase Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 How long have you been angry? I went through a shocking anger phase with my ex if 7 years. I didn't think I would be as angry but I was. Its not a 'phase' thing for me. It was a lot of anger but it becomes less and less. After about a year I haven't hit a bump of anger at her in awhile... but I don't assume it's over completely. The really angry phase lasted about three months. Healing takes time. Be kind to yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careerchoice Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I once spent an entire year angry at an ex. It wasn't easy, but I eventually got through it. Be patient. You'll eventually get over it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer weave Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I once spent an entire year angry at an ex. It wasn't easy, but I eventually got through it. Be patient. You'll eventually get over it. I literally hate my ex.... it's actually helping to get over him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Careerchoice Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 I literally hate my ex.... it's actually helping to get over him. It can help in the short term, but it's best not to hold on to it. Otherwise you become bitter for the rest of your life. Eventually you have to let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstluvstruck Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 How long have you been angry? I went through a shocking anger phase with my ex if 7 years. I didn't think I would be as angry but I was. Its not a 'phase' thing for me. It was a lot of anger but it becomes less and less. After about a year I haven't hit a bump of anger at her in awhile... but I don't assume it's over completely. The really angry phase lasted about three months. Healing takes time. Be kind to yourself. It started about 2 months ago. I went through a couple days of being super angry. Right now I still feel betrayed when the memories come back. I don't hate her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firstluvstruck Posted July 19, 2017 Author Share Posted July 19, 2017 Eventually you have to let it go. Letting it go is forgiving? understanding? forgetting? to each his own process? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Letting go means you realize that your anger will do nothing to get you what you want (Reconciliation? Indifference? Dating others?). It doesn't hurt your ex one bit. Now, just because you realize this doesn't mean the anger will magically disappear in an instant. It means that it will become less until one day you'll realize you haven't felt angry in a while. You won't be able to remember the last time you felt angry. I was more hurt than angry at my ex. I was actually angrier with myself because he had been carrying a ginormous red flag the size of the state of Texas the entire time we were dating and I refused to look at it. I acted stupidly and the result is I endured a horrible relationship for four years (can you see I'm still ticked off at myself when I think about it?). But any feelings toward him vanished years ago. It's wonderful to not care one bit about him, what he's doing or who he's doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer weave Posted July 19, 2017 Share Posted July 19, 2017 Letting go means you realize that your anger will do nothing to get you what you want (Reconciliation? Indifference? Dating others?). It doesn't hurt your ex one bit. Now, just because you realize this doesn't mean the anger will magically disappear in an instant. It means that it will become less until one day you'll realize you haven't felt angry in a while. You won't be able to remember the last time you felt angry. I was more hurt than angry at my ex. I was actually angrier with myself because he had been carrying a ginormous red flag the size of the state of Texas the entire time we were dating and I refused to look at it. I acted stupidly and the result is I endured a horrible relationship for four years (can you see I'm still ticked off at myself when I think about it?). But any feelings toward him vanished years ago. It's wonderful to not care one bit about him, what he's doing or who he's doing. Great point! I think I'm more angry at myself. Red flags everywhere....it's just DURING and AFTER the break up, I realized how little he actually cared. That's the anger...AND hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dreagurl010 Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 In the same boat. I hate my ex....I hate him to the core. He left me on our anniversary, FOR THE SECOND TIME. How tacky? Anger is a good sign. I believe it means that you care enough about yourself to know that other people cant treat you so callously. It shows that you want to stick up for yourself. It also shows that you are closer to acceptance of the grief process. So scream! Let it out. Box something (please no animals or human). Youre so close to being fully healed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer weave Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 In the same boat. I hate my ex....I hate him to the core. He left me on our anniversary, FOR THE SECOND TIME. How tacky? Anger is a good sign. I believe it means that you care enough about yourself to know that other people cant treat you so callously. It shows that you want to stick up for yourself. It also shows that you are closer to acceptance of the grief process. So scream! Let it out. Box something (please no animals or human). Youre so close to being fully healed. Ohhhhh... I agree with this, as well. I think everyone grieves differently. For the first month, I was so hurt and wanted him back so badly, that's all I could see. I couldn't see him for who he really is. For me.... the anger stage is my "realization." The realization that I'm worth more.... that, how dare someone treat me so badly? I can forgive, and still be mad as hell. For me, personally? Yeah... that's how I know I'm at the stage where I'd never take him back, hence the "not counting how many NC days it has been." Why? Because I no longer care if it has been two days, or two-hundred days. He's gone, and good. Let someone else pick up the broken pieces of their heart when he pulls the same sh** again. Only the next time...it won't be my heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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