I get angry over everything and need advice.

[novembergirl]

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 9 months now, and I honestly love him more than anything. He has been nothing but good to me, but for the past two or three months I have been treating him badly, and getting angry over nothing. Not a day goes by where we don't argue about something that happened in the past or just anything in genreal and it's all because of me. I will twist his words and actions to make it seem as if he's the bad guy, and I turn every conversation into a screaming argument. It's at the point where I need to change soon or else he will leave, and that's the last thing I want. I'm so scared of losing him because he is the best boyfriend I have ever had, but I don't know how to stop. If someone could give me some advice on how to stop myself from getting angry about everything and save my relationship, I will be so grateful.

[Seraphim]

Were you raised in an environment like that?

[Unreasonable]

Well, usually poor relationships are the result of both partners, but if you actually think it's 100% your fault, you should probably seek therapy to be honest.

[novembergirl]

Were you raised in an environment like that?

No my parents rarely had conflicts around me when I was growing up, sometimes I feel like maybe I'm insecure and take it out on him when I shouldn't.

[Seraphim]

No my parents rarely had conflicts around me when I was growing up, sometimes I feel like maybe I'm insecure and take it out on him when I shouldn't.

 

What are you insecure about?

[novembergirl]

What are you insecure about?

I know he wouldn't cheat on me or talk to another girl but I cant help but think he will and I think that's what makes me so mad, it's always in the back of my head even if im not actually thinking about that.

[Seraphim]

I know he wouldn't cheat on me or talk to another girl but I cant help but think he will and I think that's what makes me so mad, it's always in the back of my head even if im not actually thinking about that.

Why can't he talk to another human being though just because they are a girl? What you are saying with your anger is I own you and I want you to do what I want you to do . We can't own other people .

 

Maybe be single for a while ? There are no easy fixes to insecurity or wanting to control people. You just have to understand you cannot control other people at all . You either believe in them or you don't . And if the emotion is only coming from you then you can't continue to punish him for what is insecure in you . But that is what your anger is saying I own you and you should do what I want.

[Batya33]

Why isn't he allowed to talk to another woman?

 

Basically this requires self-talk and breathing exercises. Self-talk to calm yourself down before you speak or react. If you love him, then loving is giving and giving means you give him the respect that he is entitled to and the space from being subjected to your insecurities. Before you speak ask yourself if what you're going to say is to trigger something or provoke a response that could lead to an argument. Ask yourself if it's worth it.

 

Do you get enough sleep? Do you exercise regularly? What's your sugar and caffeine intake like? Take a look at these basics first. And I highly recommend Weill's 4-7-8 breathing exercises.

[novembergirl]

Why can't he talk to another human being though just because they are a girl? What you are saying with your anger is I own you and I want you to do what I want you to do . We can't own other people .

 

Maybe be single for a while ? There are no easy fixes to insecurity or wanting to control people. You just have to understand you cannot control other people at all . You either believe in them or you don't . And if the emotion is only coming from you then you can't continue to punish him for what is insecure in you . But that is what your anger is saying I own you and you should do what I want.

I think i worded that wrong... of course he can have female friends and I have no right to tell him who he can and can't talk to, that's his choice. When I said "talk to another girl" I meant in a flirty way, not as a friend.

[Seraphim]

I think i worded that wrong... of course he can have female friends and I have no right to tell him who he can and can't talk to, that's his choice. When I said "talk to another girl" I meant in a flirty way, not as a friend.

 

Ok, then think of this logically. You're saying even though I know you won't do it you're actually going to do it so I'm going to count you guilty before you do it . Zero sense. Right? And I know emotions often make no sense . However it comes down to one thing you trust him or you don't .

[Batya33]

I think i worded that wrong... of course he can have female friends and I have no right to tell him who he can and can't talk to, that's his choice. When I said "talk to another girl" I meant in a flirty way, not as a friend.

 

I'll stretch your limits some - if he harmlessly flirts and you don't know about it - meaning it's not in front of you what is the issue? Maybe loosen the leash a bit to calm yourself down. Decide that as long as he doesn't go on dates or try to date other women he is being loyal to you. If he's a flirty type of person then sure it might happen and mean nothing. Different if he flirts in front of you because they can easily be disrespectful to you. If you were more laid back fine but since you get all irked up just by conjuring up Thee scenarios where he might flirt with a woman why bait yourself in that way?

[ThatwasThen]

I know he wouldn't cheat on me or talk to another girl but I cant help but think he will and I think that's what makes me so mad, it's always in the back of my head even if im not actually thinking about that.

 

Have you discussed this paranoia with him?

 

For some reason you feel that you're not able to control either him or some certain situations. So, what's really going on in your relationship that makes you feel out-of-control and so insecure?