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Would you date an illiterate person?


Shania1234

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Personally, I would not. I'm an educated person who is an avid reader AND a writer, and I've studied a couple of foreign languages as well, so books, language, and writing are very important to me, and I would have little in common with someone who was illiterate. The amount of help an illiterate person would require to do simple daily tasks -- just everyday things that the rest of us can do on our own with no problem -- would put me off even from someone who COULD read and write at least somewhat, but at a very low level.

 

Honestly, I'm not sure how a person in a first-world country could function without being able to at least somewhat read and write. So much of life requires these skills -- especially the ability to read.

 

I've read your other thread, and this is clearly your husband you're referring to. You don't love him, you don't want to be with him, and you're seeing someone else, so it seems to me that whether your husband can read and write is of little consequence. It would be a good idea to end your marriage -- and probably end the relationship with the guy who has kids you don't want, too -- and focus on yourself.

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Since it's your husband, apparently you are seeking other advice, but to answer this question directly: If i was EXTREMELY attracted to him , maaaaaybe yes, but it wouldn't go well down the line. I mean I flirt a lot through texting, I read a lot, I send articles to people I care about. It just wouldn't work. I would try to help him start learning though, he's missing out on a lot!

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My poor grandmother never learned to read or write. She came from a very traditional Mexican family who believed there was no reason for a woman to learn to read or write when all she's going to do is get married and have babies, which doesn't require an education. Sadly, she ended up in a mental institution after she and my grandfather were living in a single-wide trailer with no TV and no radio for a couple of years. How do you occupy your time when you can't read and you have no TV or radio and you don't drive? She also spoke no English, which made things even worse. I felt so sorry for her...

 

Anyway, one of my former coworkers is married to a man who cannot read or write. She got very ill because she had to work a high-stress job (he could only get menial jobs and they had several children) plus they were attempting to refinance their house and of course he could not help with any of the paperwork, so she got mentally and emotionally overwhelmed. She loves him but the stress was taking a terrible toll on her health.

 

Would I do it? Probably not, because I am so used to being able to discuss things like current events, art, music, food, photography, sports, etc. Yes, you can discuss without being able to read but I feel like I'd spend a lot of time explaining things I'd read about those topics. And the helper in me would want to tutor him.

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Lol, I turned down a second date with a cute guy that was very nice because when I asked him what his favorite book was, he floundered around, halfway described a book he had read in middle school but couldn't remember the title of, and then admitted he hadn't read anything non-work related in a couple of years. Not the guy for me.

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The guy I married is illiterate he cannot read or write. It is hell living with someone you have to take care of like a child. He doesn't want to get a license, go back to school or better himself! Basically leaving all the paperwork to me. He is a hard worker but we arent intimate on any level. Yet he still lives with my parents... I was married to him for 3 years and we arent intimate because I don't love him and I was in a relationship before I married him. I mad a bad choice to get married to please my family but then the relationship I was in got serious. I never meant for things to get this bad.

 

This is what you said in another thread. Why did you marry him, them? There are people who cannot read or write because of a developmental disability. There are people who were very failed at very poor schools and were just pushed along to the next grade There are people who are dyslexic and have trouble. If someone willfully does not want to learn, that's one thing, but if someone can't because of a disability, that's another. You married him -- so i think you either are the one in the relationship that does all the paperwork and he does other things in the relationship --- or you end it. But since you are married to him -- did you ever steer him towards help?

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  • 4 weeks later...

I have tried to tell him many times to go to school or to get help for the past 3 years. to make matters worse he is younger than me. He is 22. he has no interest in furthering his education or getting a license. it did take a toll on me. he's not dyslexic he just doesn't want to learn. I asked him to take adult night classes and he doesnt have anything to say ever...

He doesn't ever bring up the topic of school on his own either. I tried teaching him a few times and i frustrated my own self because he couldn't remember the sounds if the alphabet and couldn't remember small words that I got from a grade 1 chart.

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my family wanted me to get married... I felt pressured. at the time they were telling me how i would never find a man in Canada how all men would use me. I was 22 and honestly didn't know any better... you live and learn. I thought i was doing good trying to please my parents but it backfired and now they want nothing to do with me because they can't accept that I am unhappy with someone like that.

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My poor grandmother never learned to read or write. She came from a very traditional Mexican family who believed there was no reason for a woman to learn to read or write when all she's going to do is get married and have babies, which doesn't require an education. Sadly, she ended up in a mental institution after she and my grandfather were living in a single-wide trailer with no TV and no radio for a couple of years. How do you occupy your time when you can't read and you have no TV or radio and you don't drive? She also spoke no English, which made things even worse. I felt so sorry for her...

 

That is one of the saddest stories I have ever read .

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