LizzieGeorge Posted July 18, 2017 Share Posted July 18, 2017 My boyfriend asked me to marry him recently, and although I said yes I've been feeling weirdly sad about the whole thing. A sort of sinking feeling, and I keep wanting to cry. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We rushed into living together in the beginning, after just three months, and after about a year I stopped wanting sex. I'd never been in a relationship longer than a year and people always say that the spark at the beginning doesn't last (which is what he said when I tried to talk to him about it) so I accepted this as normal and we persevered. I do love him but we've had our problems; he has a terrible temper and works so much I feel like I hardly see him some weeks. We also have a lot of areas where we don't match, which means there are big parts of my life which I can't share with him, and that makes me sad. I tried to talk to him about our relationship a couple of years ago as I was feeling unhappy, and he got so upset and scared that I might leave him that he cried, vomited, didn't sleep that night and had to call in sick the next day. We didn't really resolve anything but I felt like trying to talk about it was a huge hurdle after that reaction. Six months later I broke up with him - or rather I tried to, but my alternative housing situation fell through and we ended up falling back into our old routine and got back together. He promised me at that point that he would come with me to couples counselling so we could sort things out, but he didn't. Every time I tried to set up an appointment for us he either said he couldn't because he was busy or he got irritated with me for "nagging". I gave up trying after six months or so. I should make it clear that he is my best friend and I do love him. He's adorable and sweet and we love snuggling together. I find him cute like a puppy; I love him and we get on great but I don't find him sexually attractive at all. When I stopped wanting sex I didn't stop wanting sex altogether, I just stopped wanting sex with him. I stopped enjoying it with him and even find myself pulling away when he tries to kiss me properly (a peck on the lips is fine but I have no desire to french kiss him or kiss for long periods). He says it's fine with him that we don't have sex, like it's a sacrifice that he's willing to make to be with me and something we can work on later, but I'm not happy with it long term, and with the best will in the world even if we went to counselling to fix that specific problem how do you force yourself to fancy someone?? It's not the only problem, but am I being shallow about the sex thing? Is it even possible to fancy each other in a sexual way for that many years? I know we'd probably have a very happy home life and be great parents and everything if we got married, but I can't shake the feeling that you're supposed to want to rip each others clothes off on your wedding night, whereas I'll be closing my eyes and praying for it to be over. I have no idea what to do. Has anyone else felt this before? Is it normal? Is it just cold feet? Should we take some time apart? I'm so sad and confused and terrified of hurting him and disappointing our families (who are all thrilled) so I don't want to do anything unless I'm sure it is necessary. Please help Link to comment
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