Want to leave, can't get past guilt.

[KarinaK]

He said he "probably wouldn't live long" if I left. Then he stayed in bed for 5 days, wouldn't eat, called in sick to work. I went to my job as usual, felt strong and certain at first then the same old guilt crept back in. I apologized for saying I wanted to move out.

 

In couples therapy now. Scared to tell him how much I want to leave again because the guilt gets me every time. Thing is, I never wanted to date exclusively or marry him. After after every time he suggested things - moving in, getting married at City Hall to save on taxes - I tried to protest at first. Guilt always wore me down.

 

How do I fix this part of myself so I can leave a relationship that has always made me feel sad and lonely? I'm really scared I'll never get out. Thoughts of suicide are starting to cross my mind. But I feel like a monster for not loving him back.

 

Looking for suggestions from anyone who may have walked this path themselves.

 

Thanks.

[ThatwasThen]

How long have you been together and have you told your counselor that you don't want to fix this. You're just wasting money by going as a couple when the last thing want to be is a couple.

 

Why don't you get some personal therapy and discuss openly with that therapist your REAL concerns and feelings. Perhaps you can delve into your codependency issues, learn how to say 'no' without feeling guilty and have the emotional tools in place to leave and let his family know that you're concerned he'll hurt himself. Let them look after him.

[melancholy123]

Guilt is such a waste of emotion. Get yourself some personal therapy and learn how to get over feeling guilty about things you dont need to feel guilty for feeling. You know you need to leave this guy so you have to learn how to do it.

[KarinaK]

Yes, I am in individual therapy. I'm trying to work on this issue there, of course, but just looking for commentary from other people who may have also walked a path like this one. I don't know anyone else who has also struggled so much with this sense of guilt. So I was hoping I wasn't the only one. I guess I just want to see that there's hope for someone who is stuck like this. Because someone else has done it before, even though it feels like it would be the most difficult thing in the world...

[shellyf62]

My ex had an affair, I threw him out, he tried to guilt me into taking him back.

He told me that I broke up the family by making him leave, told me I had no right to make him leave his own house, that I was making the children suffer......

I caved for a week, took him back, nothing had changed, he was still the same lying, cheating person. I told him to leave again & have never looked back.

 

You need to find the strength to not let him persuade you. His making you feel guilty isnt love, it is him using your emotions to his benefit.

You need to leave & stop any contact with him. Change your phone number, get a new email address, dont tell him where you are moving to.

Once away from his manipulation you will start to feel strong & in control.

You deserve a better life than he is giving you

[ThatwasThen]

Yes, I am in individual therapy. I'm trying to work on this issue there, of course, but just looking for commentary from other people who may have also walked a path like this one. I don't know anyone else who has also struggled so much with this sense of guilt. So I was hoping I wasn't the only one. I guess I just want to see that there's hope for someone who is stuck like this. Because someone else has done it before, even though it feels like it would be the most difficult thing in the world...

Katrina.... stop making yourself an island. Anyone who has broken up with someone that doesn't want them to be broken up, feels guilt. However, when you know that the best thing for you is to sever the relationship then you DO IT in spite of the guilt.

 

EVERYONE gets over a break up eventually and they eventually find other people to love once they have healed and are free in mind and heart to be open to others. It's life and life goes on.

 

Stop using your guilt as an excuse to not have to leave. Seems You're just as afraid to leave this relationship as he is that you're going to leave... why is that?