Living With Girlfriend And Cleaning The House

[lBlessedl]

So everything between my girlfriend and I have been going great and we hardly argue it there seems to be one problem that came up after living together for 2 months. I would say in general my girlfriend is a messy person she leaves clothes, cups, bags, etc around the house which I am always the one cleaning up for her. I honestly don't mind it, it gives me something to do around the house and I don't mind being the clean one. However, every once in awhile I'll unintentionally make a mess and she gets absolutely irate. She will tell me that I'm so annoying and she will procede to not talk to me for the entire day. I immediately clean up my mess and then I'll leave her alone until she cools down. What I don't understand is if she's messy it's just normal but if I slip up then it's the end of the world. Can somebody give me some advice on this or have been through a similar situation? Thank you!

[DancingFool]

Is this the first time you are seeing that kind of behavior with her or does it crop up in other areas of your life/relationship too where her faults are fine, but if you do the same, you get attacked?

 

Her reaction and behavior are actually deeply concerning to me and raise a ton of red flags.

 

That said, you are actually rewarding her abusive behavior toward you. Yes, what you describe is considered verbal abuse. I'd suggest that instead of rushing to clean up whatever and then dodging her wrath for the rest of the day, that you actually confront her over this. Meaning sit her down and tell her that this is not acceptable to you and that if she continues to act out like that she will need to pack her bags and get out of your life.

[lBlessedl]

Is this the first time you are seeing that kind of behavior with her or does it crop up in other areas of your life/relationship too where her faults are fine, but if you do the same, you get attacked?

 

Her reaction and behavior are actually deeply concerning to me and raise a ton of red flags.

 

That said, you are actually rewarding her abusive behavior toward you. Yes, what you describe is considered verbal abuse. I'd suggest that instead of rushing to clean up whatever and then dodging her wrath for the rest of the day, that you actually confront her over this. Meaning sit her down and tell her that this is not acceptable to you and that if she continues to act out like that she will need to pack her bags and get out of your life.

 

It's present in other areas of our relationship too. Whenever we have an arguement she won't try to understand my side of the arguement because she says that she's right 99% of the time. Also kind of with talking to other people. She absolutely hates when girls talk to me but if guys talk to her it's okay and I shouldn't worry about it. I sort of feel like the pacifist in this relationship. Kind of like my actions and my opinions are always in scrutiny so I keep them to myself. Don't get me wrong, I love her and typically thing are great but I do see that there are underlying problems.

[rosephase]

It's present in other areas of our relationship too. Whenever we have an arguement she won't try to understand my side of the arguement because she says that she's right 99% of the time.

 

Sounds like she is no where near ready to be in a relationship.

[melancholy123]

So she's a right fighter - she'd rather be right than happy. This does not bode well for you, ever, at all. It seems to be her way or the highway. I'd take the highway.

[ThatwasThen]

If you don't form and maintain some strong personal boundaries with this one, you're going to find yourself hen pecked and miserable and a shadow of your former self.

 

You must, with calm certainty tell her that she has made a mess and would she please mind clearing it up. If she gives you a hard time, do not argue with her, simply tell her that you clean up your mess when she is upset about it so now its your turn to be upset and would she please do what you do and clean up. Then go out if you have to.

 

The way you handle things with her is you setting yourself up to be brow beat and treated like ****. Learn to say "no" to her without feeling guilty. Do not let her cross your boundaries either your personal one's or your romantic ones. If she doesn't like you talking to girls then don't but don't be okay with her talking to them either. Get some rules and regulations going that the two of you can adhere to and be happy with.

 

You need to have a good talk with her about double standards and they stop starting today. If she leaves you because you become a man then so be it. You can do better then the Tugboat she sounds like.

 

B.O.U.N.D.A.R.I.E.S Form them and don't teach her that you're her lacky whom she can boss around like a dog.