I don't even know how to title this BS

[trackside]

I started seeing a man 9 months ago, he was 4 months out of a relationship and I knew he was still hurt. Not wanting to be a rebound I pushed him to slow his dating game down.

Things progressed quickly anyway, and as soon as I started to feel something for him, he played the "I don't want a relationship" card. I was there for him through the death of his grandfather, court dates for child custody, financial issues, health problems that prevented him from working (could not pass DOT physical) and even lent him my car when his truck was out of use. He stayed at my home when he couldn't afford heat and electricity.

 

I told him numerous times that he needed to figure out what he wanted and that I wanted to spend less time together as I wasn't looking for another 'friend' He insisted that he just needed time to sort out his life and while I was fine with that, I knew it meant he didn't want me. His ex also had an order of protection against him. Eventually, I found out he was still spending time with his ex and I cut it off completely, told him to leave and he did. He was back with his ex within 2 weeks. I stopped contact with him, despite the fact that he owes me several hundred dollars. Which I realize I may never see. Stupid on my part but it's too late to go back.

 

I blocked him on social media, blocked his phone number and it's been about 6 weeks. I started dating even though I am still pretty hurt over how things transpired. I suppose he caught wind of it, the day after my last date he messaged me from a new number and has been upset and pushy over meeting him in person. He has called numerous times late at night to question if I have been sleeping with someone else, and it goes on and on. He wants to meet in person and discuss things but I have little interest in doing so.

 

He insists he wants to remain friends and cried on the phone the last couple times I answered (the number shows as unknown). His current girlfriend still has an order of protection against him and that is in effect for the next 2 years. He has made no indication that he is looking to leave her and therefore I have no desire to continue to associate with him.

 

I am debating on bringing him to court for the money, but am having a hard time moving on. I just don't know if pursuing the money is going to be worth it for me. I guess that's the advice I'm looking for. It's not like I don't need the money. I live paycheck to paycheck for the most part but manage to save some up here and there. I thought I was doing well in the moving on department after 6 weeks but his phone calls and incessant texting really threw me for a loop. Emotionally I feel like I'm back at square one. He is insisting on trying to maintain a friendship but I am not even close to ready.

 

I need to work on myself and do my own thing before I might even ever feel comfortable talking to him. I feel like he is using this money thing to try to keep me as a backup for when this relationship he is in goes wrong (they have a long history of breaking up and making up, she has a substance abuse problem and will disappear for weeks on end). I was not aware of that at the beginning of the 'relationship' I had with him, but hindsight's 20/20.

 

This is extra difficult because I still have feelings for him, obviously, but I also want to move on as he has done the same. Maybe I'm just venting and not even looking for advice. I'm a bit lost in the forest here and looking for some sunshine to break up the darkness.

[Knight2001]

hi,

sorry to hear this tale, you have every right to be hurt and angry.

how ever time he messages you just ask for your money back and dont get involved in any other conversation..

like. "hi, how are you" answer "give me my money back". or "i really miss you" answer "give me my money back".

similar to you i cant see you ever getting your money back. but at least this way you might get some fun out of it.

some people will have better ideas than this, obviously.

good luck and ty to be happy. and dont think about this waste of space guy any more.

[Keyman]

For a start, write the money off. You should not have been loaning him money after only a short time anyway. Cut all contact with him and every time he finds a new number block that one too.

 

No matter if you still have feelings for him, this is all very unhealthy. He is using you, as you suspect, and has used you already and has managed to get money, use of you and your vehicle, while all the time banging it with his ex.

 

At some point you need to realise that the only light you are seeking is that when you finally open you eyes and walk away. He is playing on you and you are letting him. Do yourself a favour and finish it for good.

[melancholy123]

You mention being lost in the forest. Well, you cant see the forest for the trees. He's using you, he's a pain in the butt, you will never see your money again and it costs money to take him to court over it.

 

Block him every way you can. If he gets a new phone # hang up on him and block him. He's a user and a would-be manipulator and a whiner on top of it all. What do you see in him?

 

You need to be on your own for as long as it takes to get your head together, this guy is not the guy for you.

[MissCanuck]

He sounds nuts. I think you're seeing why the ex/gf has an order of protection against him, though she apparently isn't enforcing it.

 

The money is probably just best counted as a loss and a lesson learned. Trying to take him to court to get it back will probably be a lot more hassle than it's worth, though you could consult an attorney to see what your options are and what this would entail.

 

Do not respond to him any further. I get the sense he's a few fries short of a Happy Meal.