Jeffro15 Posted July 17, 2017 Share Posted July 17, 2017 Kind of just want to get this out... So 6 weeks ago my gf of 3 years (shes 29, I'm 32) broke up with me because I was unmotivated, distant, controlling and pessimistic. The reason for all of this is because I had just graduated college 6 months prior and was having trouble finding a job in my field and took a 3rd shift part time job I was unsatisfied with due to a criminal background (which she was made aware of before the 1st date). We had been living together for 1 1/2 years and I had become complacent and had little time to see her and became frustrated at my job and lack of finding a career. I was literally either sleeping or on my laptop for like the last 2 months of our relationship (which ironically was the only bad times of our relationship). So, a week and a half before the BU I can tell she is growing really distant by ignoring me, barely kissing me and generally avoiding me or very curt in responses. I honestly thought it was something we could get over but it kept going on, so I text her 1 morning after she leaves for work because I couldn't sleep (3rd shift) to ask if she was going to break up with me. She says we should talk in person and I already knew the answer, so I say "well, i'll just move out now". I moved out that day taking all my stuff and some stuff I had bought for the house (which came in to play later). I tried some "begging", not really, just asked if we had a chance to make it work which she initially stated she didn't know, we could date but she didn't have an answer at the moment. She said she just wanted the house to herself and to be alone for awhile. Unfriend her on social media and go silent. 2 weeks go by without contact after the day of the BU and a family member sends me a pic of her and some guy hanging out. I flip and ask if that was the real reason why and get no response (my last outburst). 2 days later I calm down and reach out again to apologize for what I had done in the relationship (as it was obvious it was me and the guy was probably an FU to my actions) and make an amends by offering to give some stuff for the house back. She agrees and thanks me for understanding and I take it back a couple days later while shes out and call to say if she needs help I'm here. 10 days go by and I text again to ask if she was alright handling the stuff and see how she was doing. She texted back awhile later saying it was all fine and I ask her if it would be okay to call next week to inform her how an interview went I had just set up went. She declined and said it wasn't "necessary" to check up on her and I left it with "well, if you want to talk about things i'm here. I believe people can change. So, if you want to talk you know how to get ahold of me". She was very collected during this interaction, but so was I. After that we are on day 15 NC other than her adding me on snapchat which I added back and unfriended 2 days later after I saw she made those pictures I saw on instigram earlier public on facebook (I think this was to get a rise out of me). I think she either did this to show she wasn't dating him or to elicit a reaction from me. I asked a mutual friend if her relationship status changed and it hadn't, so if she wanted to make me upset or was really with him and didn't care I saw she would have changed it and made it public. So, I hadn't done much damage other than initial begging and broke up through text. I know the guys not in the picture as I have done some cyber stalking (bad, i know) and believe even if they did try to date, that its no longer a thing, or was a 1 weekend thing. I also have seen where she has posted on pinterest in this NC things about missing me and I'm the best thing shes ever had and also post where shes strong and "can't no one hold her down". So I know shes thinking about me, but I also know thinking and missing doesn't equate to reconciliation. I don't think the issues are unfixable as I have started to take steps to correct them. I know BU's take time and NC is "for me" and not to get back together, although its not really NC as she wanted space and I'm just giving it to her... I really want her back and statistics show that 1 in 3 LTR who live together breakup and get back together as well as 1 in 5 LTR who break up end up back together. I really do love this girl to death and she has a daughter I love, which she said I wasn't the best with because she compared how I acted with her to how I act with my nieces. Which isn't really fare because her daughters dad is still in the picture and he's a really good dad, so I was taking his feelings in to account, but she believed I should have been more like a dad to her. I guess I'm just looking for any advice on what to do, I do want her back. If I wanted to just move on this wouldn't be in the "Getting Back Together" section. I'm just hoping someone has advice, like maybe I should try reaching out again at a certain point or wait for her to contact me since she hasn't ever actually initiated since the BU. IDK, i've seen these forums come up with stellar ideas, and if you say "just move on" I'll appreciate the advice but it probably wont happen (yet). Thanks. Link to comment
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