Jump to content

How do you fight the temptation to contact your ex?

Marisof

By Marisof
in Breaking Up Advice

Recommended Posts

Marisof Rookie

Marisof

Posted
Posted

I know he doesn't want to talk and that I should not contact him. When he broke up with me I even asked him to block me because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to stop contacting him. However I know his routine, I have mutual friends and sometimes they post their locations when they are together and well there are other ways of contacting people. I know I sound kind of psycho saying that but I can't help it. I just want to see him, I want to talk to him. It hurts so much not to be a part of his life anymore. We were together for 3+ years and he talked about getting married to me, he used to said that no one got him the way I did, that he never loved anyone like he loved me and stuff like that. I absolutely understand his reasons for the brake up. However I can't help thinking about texting him or calling him or casually finding him on the street. I've controlling myself but I don't know how longer I can do that. I just want to hear his voice or know anything about him. Help!!! How do I stop the urge of wanting to know about him. I still love him so much.

Link to comment
Jennifer weave Enthusiast

Jennifer weave

Posted
Posted
I know he doesn't want to talk and that I should not contact him. When he broke up with me I even asked him to block me because I knew I wouldn't be strong enough to stop contacting him. However I know his routine, I have mutual friends and sometimes they post their locations when they are together and well there are other ways of contacting people. I know I sound kind of psycho saying that but I can't help it. I just want to see him, I want to talk to him. It hurts so much not to be a part of his life anymore. We were together for 3+ years and he talked about getting married to me, he used to said that no one got him the way I did, that he never loved anyone like he loved me and stuff like that. I absolutely understand his reasons for the brake up. However I can't help thinking about texting him or calling him or casually finding him on the street. I've controlling myself but I don't know how longer I can do that. I just want to hear his voice or know anything about him. Help!!! How do I stop the urge of wanting to know about him. I still love him so much.

 

Oh, yeah... DO NOT! I repeat, DO NOT do it. It will cause irrefutable damage. I completely f***** stuff up. I wish I could turn back time. He didn't deserve my attention.

Link to comment
drpenguin Apprentice

drpenguin

Posted
Posted

It sounds terrible, but I've been told by my councilor to call my local crisis hotline if I have melancholy issues about my ex. I was like "doc, I'm not suicidal or anything, this is a very high schoolish problem." and he was like "no no, they'd rather you call BEFORE you were suicidal." It worked rather well for the first month of NC.

Link to comment
melancholy123 Grand Master

melancholy123

Posted
Posted
Which post? About me completely losing my s***, and regretting it?

 

The one from earlier today (that's when I read it) about you realizing that you simply had to let go of the guy who dumped you and how much better you felt after. You had made a real pest of yourself calling and texting him and he finally told you to back off. I said that people here should read it as it would be helpful. I looked for it after my post and didnt find it, can you lead us to it? I think it could help the OP.

Link to comment
Kjkst Rookie

Kjkst

Posted
Posted

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's extremely common. I would bet most people go through this at some point. There was some problem in the relationship. If it was great, you'd be together. Improve on yourself. Do something you've always wanted to do. Or needed to do but feared. Move in with your life. Contact him after you have done this and feel really really confident you no longer need him, but it would be nice to have him in your life again.

Link to comment
lettingo2017 Explorer

lettingo2017

Posted
Posted

Hi,

 

If you read my story, it's a bit similar. I just started no contact because it's the right thing to do. It feels like a horrible thing to end a 3 year investment. What I do know is the importance of gaining my self respect back and my dignity. Let's do this together. 30 days starting today. Think of it as giving him time to remember the good things about you. If you don't contact him or allow him to see you, he will start to miss you. Let him get to that point. I plan to do that and wait for him to at least have positive memories of me. All I care about is gaining back his respect and appreciation of the love I had for him even if we never get back together.

Link to comment
lettingo2017 Explorer

lettingo2017

Posted
Posted
Yeah... I've thought about doing the same. I was battling the break up, and now I'm battling the break up AND trying to forgive myself for my outlandish behavior. Trust me on this. Remain NC. I've caused so much havoc and damage.

 

I just got off a month of trying to get him to at least have a positive memory of me with my emails. Calls etc. Well that's all he recalls about me now. But we can be redeemed. Let's commit to 30 days. 30 days allows for them to forget the bad and become nostalgic. Especially if you are super nice and mature and leave him with a great memory of you. That's what I did. I pretended to be an adult and mature and said good bye one last time. Well see how it goes.

Link to comment
Marisof Rookie

Marisof

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If you do it, you can help him remember the good times. And he will have good memories of you.

 

Thank you! I never saw it that way. The last impression in a long relationship is sometimes the one that sticks to the other person, so it rather be a nice one! That is really helpful, it makes me feel better.

Link to comment
Marisof Rookie

Marisof

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm on day 2 of NC. It's extremely hard for me. I just want to talk to him again. My relationship lasted 16 years and he was my best friend too. I hope I can make it 30 days. I still love him and hope he comes back to me.

 

16 years is a lot of time!!! I'm so sorry for that! We can talk if you need! So we can keep ourselves distracted. I've found that very helpful! I also try to go by the hour, like if I want to talk to him, I write whatever I need to say and then I tell my self that I'll send it in an hour, and then in an hour and so... Until the urge isn't so strong. But that doesn't work all the time haha

Thanks for sharing!

Link to comment
Danilov Apprentice

Danilov

Posted
Posted

OP: I am so sorry you are hurting. It sucks. I am currently working on NC with my guy. It sucks so much because I miss him like crazy. So far my last day of crying was this past Saturday. I almost broke down but told myself once again he's not interested anymore and me keeping at contacting him was eating away my dignity and self respect (which was slipping bad from always texting him) and I know I am much better than that.

 

What I have been doing in trying to distract myself. Work out. Talk to my girlfriends. Finish some projects at work etc.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
ellie00 Contributor

ellie00

Posted
Posted

I'm doing ok with NC. But he has texted me at least twice a day. He also calls me whenever he needs to vent about his roommates or needs help. I have responded to him. It's hard to stay NC when for 16 years we were there for each other. I think he is now feeling guilty for breaking up with me. He told me im making him feel that way. I do want him back but I also think we defiantly need a break for a bit.

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...