Need advice on a situation I got myself into with a girl, please!

[jumpstart]

its taken me a while to do this, I am usually level headed and can figure things out myself but in this case I don't know what to do anymore...my issue is I think I have fallen in love with a girl I met as an escort (sorry, I know...but it happened) earlier this year and I am pretty sure she doesn't think of me the same way...

 

its embarrassing for me to say this but I thought maybe someone here might have gone thru a similar situation of really liking a person and them not liking you back to same way... I can't talk about this to family or friends so I am alone on this one except for you guys here...Lately I have been so depressed and sad, and I keep thinking about her.

 

I am not crazy or anything or desperate, i'm 36, handsome as i am told... university educated and i own several businesses, i am single by choice never bothered with anything serious...but here i am now... here is my story:

 

I met this girl earlier this year saw her a few times, she gives me her personal number and asks me to go to dinner sometime, at first I was hesitant but agreed after few days of thinking (i thought it was a trap). I found her beautiful, she has such intense eye's and her gaze is intoxicating to me....she is so fun, compassionate, energetic and has a really addicting voice I can listen to for hours...I like her company even tho there is a big age difference (she is 23). she has said many times that she liked me and said we had a really good connection...I just went with the flow at first and thought it was cool...we meet once a week or sometimes more and we discussed an arrangement, she said she liked spending time with me and asked if i could still help her out financially so we agreed (we could spend as much time together). anyways, everything sounded professional and I didn't really think I would want more than this...

 

time passes and she starts telling me her story and find out that she's in canada alone on a tourist visa from the eastern block in europe, dropped out of university here, and parents back home apparently cut her off...then unbelievably, she tells me she is living with a room mate in a condo and later tells me that he's a lawyer in his low 40's? (she was quite timid when mentioning his age...) I don't ask any of this as I don't really want to know, and actually wish I never knew this because I think it made me jealous (and I hate that, i'm not usually like that!)

 

later she tells me they were kinda together before but broke up, and now just are roomates? always refers to him as a roomate when talking about him, she said she might get back together eventually (said she liked him and he apparently helped her with her drinking problem) she says that now she is going to get residency here thru the common law relationship via co-lease thru him...(how does that work....part of me thinks she is using him whoknows) I don't understand why an older lawyer would do this or let her escort if they were together and often tells me she hates it...

 

anyways I think this last part made me jealous and I can't get her out of my mind now, I didn't think of her as a GF or anything when we first met...I don't know what happened its like I was put under her spell...also never thought she would be interested in me in that way because I am old but then she tells me about this guy and I think why not me... I often think how lucky this guy is...why would she be with a guy twice her age?

 

now i wonder how i get myself in these complicated situations... I like her too much that I see her as an angel that can do no wrong...she has no idea how I feel about her, I never told her anything...I figure whats the point? The most I have said is that I really liked her and want to see her do well... but sometimes I think maybe its actually better for me this way anyways...she is so young whoknows whats going thru her mind...

 

i hope someone can understand and can offer advice...

[Wolfshook]

She lives in "condo with an older guy", under a strange visa and asks you to help her financially. It honestly smells fishy to me. I dont want to be insensitive as it is possible that she just had bad cards dealt in her life,but she doesnt sound as angelic as you think of her.

[MissCanuck]

OP, you are a business owner. You are smarter than this.

 

She's looking for financial support and, eventually, a PR card. (= Permanent Residency) It is obvious what is going on here, and what type of arrangement she has with this older man. That's why she is with him. He provides a roof over her head, food on her plate and she's hoping for legal residency status if she stays with him. What's in it for him? A much younger woman, probably nice-looking, who is dependent on him. You're already in on it too, with whatever support you've given her. But for whatever reason, she is looking for someone else to fill that role now.

 

As a fellow Canadian with some knowledge of our immigration system, I can tell you that she is very unlikely to be granted Permanent Residency at this time. Her current visa won't be for a hugely extended period so she is now trying to get her ducks in a row before time runs out. The older guy would need to sponsor her or she'd have to find a legitimate job willing to do so, which is not easy. However, given that she is here as a "tourist" and somehow managed to hook herself up with an older man, our government is going to be very suspicious and probably will deny her request to remain. How was she in a Canadian university on a tourist visa? That is not possible, as it requires a study visa - unless she went back home, reapplied for a tourist visa, and returned to Canada on that. How long has she been in Canada, and what is her country of origin?

 

All the logistics aside, you need to be careful here. Her story doesn't quite add up. I would bet any money that if you stopped helping her out financially, she would stop seeing you.

[LaHermes]

Jump.

 

As you state

 

i'm 36, handsome as i am told... university educated and i own several businesses,

 

As MissCanuck pointed out, her story does not add up.

 

And here you are, an intelligent businessman, and you are falling for a scam. And scammers are excellent liars. I don't have to tell you that because as a businessman you know that.

 

And the condo man, how do you know he is even a lawyer? Please re-read this several times:

 

"later she tells me they were kinda together before but broke up, and now just are roomates? always refers to him as a roomate when talking about him, she said she might get back together eventually (said she liked him and he apparently helped her with her drinking problem) she says that now she is going to get residency here thru the common law relationship via co-lease thru him...(how does that work....part of me thinks she is using him whoknows) I don't understand why an older lawyer would do this or let her escort if they were together and often tells me she hates it...

"

 

 

Re the bolded part, she is lying!

 

Could I urge you (excuse the directness) to put your brain back up where it belongs, between your ears.

[jumpstart]

First, thank you for taking the time to read my situation I appreciate it. and also, feel free to say what ever is on your mind, I will not get offended...and I know MissCanuck, I messed up here...I am also university educated in engineering, this whole distraction has taken a toll on me and its crazy how something like this can really affect me....

 

anyways, her whole situation is really messed up, I feel bad for her since she is here alone with no money... but I had given up trying to figure her out actually...as I think she is not 100% truthful, some things just don't add up and I don't feel the need to interrogate her because she will probably realize i know her lies...

 

this whole visa thing is tricky...she is from poland and has been here atleast for 2 years and from what she says she was in university here at one time on a student visa but dropped out, parents stopped sending funds, but who knows why? something must have happened that made the parents just cut her off...i didn't want to know more?

I know she said middle last year she left to the USA for a period of time and came back here earlier this year on a tourist visa...while i knew her past few months she has gone a few times for weeks at a time to USA...can't figure that out...also she mentioned when i met her that in about 6 months she would have to go back to here home country for a month and then come back.

 

anyways, she seems confident in this PR thing...says she has joint lease on condo and joint back account with him and have to live together for 12 months straight then can apply for common law residency? this sounds super easy...wonder why more foreigners don't do that...12 months is not long to endure...( I thought well this lawyer probably knows the ins and out of this so I am sure she will get what she wants?) (also, she was already apparently living with him when I met her first...and i don't get why he is always referred to as roomate!) do you still think they will deny her? she would be devastated if so

 

When I am in a relaxed mode I reflect on this and think about what I am doing and who I am involved with...I mean this girl is probably very street smart as she probably had to deal with alot in her youth and she probably mastered the art of seduction to perfection. she is quite beautiful and unique as she is a mix of ethnicity...this is what got me hooked as I keep thinking I will never find anything close to her again in my lifetime...not a good way of thinking on my part

her random and unsolicited messages to me in the past saying "she would like to see me", "misses me" or "kinda miss seeing me", "lets have dinner" , are nice to have though...but who knows what game is going on...so tired of it all, sometimes wish this thing never happened...

[jumpstart]

Wolfshook: well she is an escort and because she is here on a tourist visa I don't think she can work legally so this is her only option? her idea was that she likes me and would rather see me I guess than working random people, i guess its not work for her when with me! she stated many times she prefers older men...I don't understand why, i mean twice your age?

 

LaHermes: thank you for being honest. I do not know for sure if he is a lawyer...she sounded pretty confident the few times she brought it up...why lie about that? I was close to meeting him one time when she tried to have me over at their place in a pricey part of our city because she didnt want to go out...of course I got a text earlier that day telling me her "roomate" was not comfortable with that idea, so she had to cancel the invitation (I was not surprised tho, i don't think I would have went anyways, how awkward that would have been!) anyway's I don't know what to think anymore, she is probably using me but like I was ok with the arrangement we made, it kept things professional...whoknows whats the truth out of her, and this guy she is with doesn't make any sense really...i mean doing this visa thing with her would mean you would waste a few years of your life...and what if he met a girl he wanted to date while this went on? only thing that makes sense is the guy might be desperate (40 year old lawyer with a bit of money it seems looking at where they live, single and doing this stuff?) and a controlling person (she never mentioned a curfew but the times we do go out see always is preoccupied with getting back home before a certain time??), but this girl does not seem like the type to be easily manipulated...

[LaHermes]

Precisely, Jump.

 

"sometimes wish this thing never happened..."

 

"anyway's I don't know what to think anymore,"

 

I am not at all surprised you don't know what to think. You are being fed a line of half-truths, combined with outright lies.

Who knows who she is living with (could even be someone who trafficked her into the country, maybe even a pimp, and NOT some 40 yo well-off lawyer). I still don't think it's a lawyer.

 

Anyhow all that is beside the besides......what are YOU going to do?

 

Beautiful and unique is great, J, but there are many others who are beautiful and unique, and have, well, a different less precarious lifestyle.

 

"I don't know what happened its like I was put under her spell...also never thought she would be interested in me in that way because I am old "

 

 

 

 

 

Heh heh 36 isn't "old" and for that matter neither is 40 (the fictitious lawyer).