Getting frustrated with my LDR situation. Am I wrong to be upset?

[Poetry Guy]

Hi all. My gf and I are temporarily in a long-distance situation that's likely going to be this way for a few more months. The other night when we were talking on our PS4 headsets and watching a movie together, she fell asleep. Hearing her sleeping in the background filled my heart with almost an overwhelming sense of love for her. It's almost hard to describe. I was also feeling a little bad and wanting to do something sweet for her because she'd mentioned earlier that she thought I'd been upset with her for the past few days. This was not the case, although I was very frustrated one night - by our distance, by not feeling well, and a couple other things.

 

So, with my heart brimming with love I found the perfect ecard for her, personalized it, and sent it. She got it in the morning, thanked me, and said she loved me. However, for the first time since we've been together I didn't get any messages from her during the day. It wasn't a huge deal if she was simply too busy, but when she finally did message me (8 hours later) after me telling her I could hardly wait to spend time with her, we hopped on voice chat and after talking for maybe 5 minutes she said "Hey can you give me a few? I'll be right back". Well, "a few" turned into an hour before I finally got a message saying she had company and would need another 20 minutes. I found it rude/inconsiderate.

 

Later on when we were playing an online game together she took it upon herself to be exceptionally rude to me. She sounded very irritated, but when I asked her a couple of times if she was ok she either didn't respond or just said "yep". Afterwards we only talked for a short while, no "I love yous" were exchanged for the first time, and then her side went mute and I guess she fell asleep, even though I can always hear her when she does (like above).

 

So I'm feeling frustrated, disappointed, and even a little pissed off. Am I wrong? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

[Andrina]

Sounds like the honeymoon period is over for her. She's rude, so if you don't want to have a rude girlfriend, then you'll have to look elsewhere for one who is polite and as crazy about you as you are of her. She should have said. I have company so I have to sign off. I'll let you know when it's convenient to speak again. She also should have said, "I'm sleepy and so I'm going to bed." What you see is what you get.

[glitterfingers]

You sound like you're not being very understanding, so I can see why she got upset. It's hard to tell if she was simply being rude on the phone, or if she acted that way because she was hurt and trying to show you (wasn't sure how else to communicate that to you).

 

Long distance relationships are hard. You have to allow for times where contact is irregular/inconsistent and accept that she has a life that's right in front of her that needs attending to, and that she can't necessarily predict and control her environment at all times. I don't think either of you are right in this situation. The first problem, despite what you might be thinking, is that you got offended with her momentary lapse in better judgement rather than telling her that you felt a little neglected and would like her to keep you in mind in future so that you're not left wondering again.

The second problem was she responded by being a bit immature about things.

 

This doesn't spell the end of the relationship. You just need to recognise that it was a silly and insignificant fight you both contributed to. What YOU should have done was be more understanding of her not being the best at managing your expectations, and ask her to improve that. What SHE should have done is apologise that you felt neglected and agree to try harder in the future. But you can't expect her to try and understand how you're feeling unless you give her understanding also.

 

When your first response to someone is anger/annoyance rather than understanding and trying to work through the problem, you're very likely to get the same kind of anger/annoyance in response. If she didn't understand how you felt, you tell her how you felt! You don't just call her rude - what was that going to achieve?

[Careerchoice]

However, for the first time since we've been together I didn't get any messages from her during the day.

 

Unless she was in the middle of something big that occupied her entire day, I'd have a problem with it as well.

 

It wasn't a huge deal if she was simply too busy, but when she finally did message me (8 hours later) after me telling her I could hardly wait to spend time with her, we hopped on voice chat and after talking for maybe 5 minutes she said "Hey can you give me a few? I'll be right back". Well, "a few" turned into an hour before I finally got a message saying she had company and would need another 20 minutes. I found it rude/inconsiderate.

 

Hard to say if she was taking you for granted or legitimately busy. Can't say without more information (which you should get when you're put in this type of situation).

 

Later on when we were playing an online game together she took it upon herself to be exceptionally rude to me. She sounded very irritated, but when I asked her a couple of times if she was ok she either didn't respond or just said "yep".

 

Wrong avenue. I would ask her a first if she was okay, but if she continued to act in a way indicating otherwise, it would be time to take the kiddie gloves off and say something to the effect of "Why are you acting this way?" in a confrontational tone. She obviously had something on her mind. Don't waste any time getting to the bottom of it. Either it has nothing to do with you, and she shouldn't be taking it out on you, or, most likely, it has everything to do with you and requires your immediate attention.

 

Afterwards we only talked for a short while, no "I love yous" were exchanged for the first time, and then her side went mute and I guess she fell asleep, even though I can always hear her when she does (like above).

 

So I'm feeling frustrated, disappointed, and even a little pissed off. Am I wrong? Am I making a big deal out of nothing?

 

After reading your previous post, I can only say; Don't ignore obvious signs that she's losing/lost interest in you. You're going to have to start confronting her on her behavior. She keeps withdrawing and you keep giving her more affection. You're not interpreting the situation properly so you're giving her an incorrect response. Value your heart. Value your time.

[rexray]

Maybe she was just having a bad day.