Please help me out, please guide me..!

[Elavohra]

How to heal and get out of your ex's life forever, when you were the culprit in the relationship., and I am already feeling guilty and have regrets on the mistakes I did.

Our relationship didn't involve cheating, betrayal or anything like that. It was just some arguments, and every time I had handled things way too poorly. And perhaps I was a demanding girlfriend. Whatever I did, I did, unknowingly, I never ever had any intentions to hurt him. It was just my actions which I never kept watch on and now paying for it.

The guilt, the regrets, the bad feelings, the pain of breaking up and losing a quality friend as well...

I do accept my mistakes. I don't want to get back into the relationship because things will now never be normal. And I am so weak that I would end up doing anything to make him happy, and that would be also not great thing to do.

 

PS: it was a long distance relationship.

[boltnrun]

This is the guy you "dated" for only 3 months, then you begged him to leave you so he did?

 

Hasn't it been only a few days? Of course you're still feeling bad. It takes some time, even if you didn't see each other in person. You're used to speaking to him and messaging him and now you don't have that anymore.

 

It takes time. It's totally normal to feel sad so don't think something is wrong with you if you do.

[Elavohra]

This is the guy you "dated" for only 3 months, then you begged him to leave you so he did?

 

Hasn't it been only a few days? Of course you're still feeling bad. It takes some time, even if you didn't see each other in person. You're used to speaking to him and messaging him and now you don't have that anymore.

 

It takes time. It's totally normal to feel sad so don't think something is wrong with you if you do.

 

 

See, I am feeling bad about my bad behaviour only. I am feeling bad of hurting him unknowingly. We broke up in late April then didn't talk for 1.5 months.. I initiated the conversation and till now I am the one who's initiating talking to him. I am still happy about break up, it's good for both of us. We already don't talk daily.. it's only and only the guilt and regrets I am having for hurting him while in the relationship that's the only thing. I am still firm on neither dating him nor any other guy. I am more concerned about working upon myself, learning new things, exploring and growing. And after breaking up I have become more rigid for improving myself. It's just the bad behaviour thing or whatever other bad things I did to him unknowingly.

[chimva96]

I'm very sorry to hear that you're going through this. However, you are not alone. I'm going through the same waves as I was the culprit in my relationship too. I know EXACTLY how painful the guilt and regret is. My ex was a darling to me, nothing less. She really took care of me but I became too complacent and selfish to notice and return the love. Nearly all my thoughts recently are reruns of how good she was to me and then me realizing that I barely showed gratitude. On the inside I was grateful and she meant the world to me but I didn't show it enough. It pains me that she had endured it for so long. Yes I was sweet at times but not nearly as much as I should've been. We have to find solace in the fact that they are better off now without us. Allow yourself to grieve. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to scream, find somewhere isolated and scream. You will feel slightly better afterwards.

 

As far as healing, cut off all contact. Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, his phone number, everything. You are going to be very tempted to check up on him all the time but you can't b/c it will drastically increase your healing time. Also you don't want to look at his social media and find posts or photos of him with someone else. It's like Schrodinger's cat. If you don't observe it, then it doesn't exist. I know this sounds awful (I only recently had the courage to go full no contact) but the reality is that he doesn't love you the same anymore so why should you. Why give him your attention and care? You have to slowly wean yourself from him. It's very unfortunate but it must be done to heal. Also put away everything that reminds you of him. Put all the clothes, gifts, pictures, cards, etc. into a box in and place it somewhere you can't see it. Change your background photos to things you like that don't involve him. Ask mutual friends to not mention him.

 

You are fortunate that it is long distance so you don't have to worry about running into him (I work with mine). Once there's no trace of him you have to focus on yourself and DO things for yourself. The keyword is "DO". If you just sit around all day you will think way too much and spiral into a depression. I made the mistake of not doing anything with myself for weeks post break up and believe me when I say I was in the DUMPS. I have never really experienced depression before but that was undoubtedly it. Your glued to your bed and have no motivation to do anything. Your bones feel so dense and you feel like dung. So instead of falling into that you have to force yourself to do stuff. It's not going to feel right b/c he's going to be on your mind a lot of the time but you have to get out there. Get some sun, go for a jog or bike ride, see a movie, clean your room, read a book, something fun. Make a list of activities that will benefit you and do at LEAST one a day. Do things that you can make progress in. This really helps. Also surround yourself with people, family, friends, and even new people. Make sure you are eating sufficiently and healthily, but don't be afraid to treat yourself. If you're starving yourself it will only exacerbate the pain. If it's hard to eat consider smoothies or foods that don't require much chewing.

 

Ultimately time will heal but you still have to put in effort otherwise it will take much longer. Eventually you will forget all the details of their face, how there voice sounds, and you will feel indifferent about what they are doing at the moment. It will get better. Good luck with your healing and remember you are not the only one facing this.

[chimva96]

We are all guilty of being ignorant to things we do, but once we become conscious and aware of it we gain wisdom that we are free to use for the rest of our life. Find happiness knowing that you are not that person anymore. Quit caring about how he thinks about you b/c unfortunately he is not in your life anymore. Become the new version of yourself.